Silenced (A Loki fanfiction)

Chapter 30

Leidi

I watch the light leave his eyes. His face fades to a sickly gray color. "I love you, Leidi. Don't doubt that for a second." Those were the last words that left his lips.

And now he's gone. "LOKI!!!" I scream, "Don't do this to me Loki!! I order you to stay!! Don't leave me!! Dammit Loki!" I sob like a bilgesnipe. Thor wraps a comforting arm around me.

My hands are covered with blood. Loki's and Blackout's. Tears flow freely. I cry. I truly cry. No longer the soft sobs, I forced myself down to. I cried with pure agony. I cried his name. I cried for him and everything we've been to.

Inside of me, everything screams for one more kiss. One more touch. One more word. I want to say it. Tell him I love him. But I can't. It's too late.

He's gone now. His smiling green eyes are now a dull grayish green. The queen leans over him, sobbing softly. He's done so much for me. He made me feel like I belong. He showed me darker aspects of his personality. He made me laugh when I knew I was about to cry. He offered his consolation and comfort. He loved me. Jotunn and all.

And what have I done in return? I've gotten myself into trouble on numerous occasions. He's had to put up with the likes of me. And now, because of me, he's gone. Impaled through his throat.

My tears mix with blood. Thor kisses my forehead as a brother would a sister. I wrap my arms around him and wail into his chest.

____________________________________

I've gone to my first Asgardian funeral. It was beautiful and yet it tore me apart. Loki lied in a boat. His wounds wiped clean, and he looked as if he was asleep.

Thor had to cover my mouth to keep me from screaming. He held down my lantern, so I didn't release it too soon. Loki's boat and body were set ablaze and floated into the sky as ash.

Now, I curl up in his bed. I cry softly. I lost my voice at some point. Many people came to offer me their condolences. I wished to push them away. To shut them up.

I open his large wardrobe and pull his cape from the rack. I drape it over my shoulders and it drags across the ground. I remember when he saved me from Baldr.

I pull his helmet from a shelf next, placing it over my head, remembering the day he confessed his love. The day he held me close. Fawned over a small fall.

Today, his words were proven wrong. He said he didn't wish to see me hurt. He said he'd never let me get hurt. Today, he himself has hurt me most of all. I feel empty and without appetite at the same time.

I remove the helmet and cape and place them on his bed and exit his room. I steal quietly through the halls. I stop in front of the royal tailor's chamber, quietly slipping the door open. I sneak past the sleeping tailor and trifle through her drawers until I find what I need and slip out.

Back in Loki's room, I stand before the mirror of his bathroom. I pull the scissors from under my cloak and grab a lock of my long dark hair, cutting it, so it's shoulder length. I do the same with the rest of my hair, relying on my touch to get the back.

When I finish, I peer at my reflection. I do sort of resemble Loki. I dig for the other things I got from the tailor. I close one eye and thread the needle carefully. I poke the needle through my upper lip, as Thor had done in my dream that night.

I poke it through my lower lip and pull, sealing it. It brings tears to my eyes as the thread slips through my lip. But this time, Loki isn't there.

When I finish, I tie off the string and place the bloody needle on the counter, and wash the excess blood from my face. I walk over to Loki's bed and put the cape over my shoulders once more and I curl my small figure around his helmet, the horns drape themselves over my shoulders. I cry silently.

I do not wish to be heard. I do not wish to be bothered. I do not wish for anything. Except to be silenced.