My Secret Identity

12. Back to reality

I'd been home since the day, three months ago, I left the boys keeping on top of my seemingly endless amount of work. But I'd finish secondary at christmas instead of the summer but I'd still have exams just in november. I Would start college in september like everyone else though. I was tempted to go back next week with Mom but then I'd have to come back with her so I can do my exams. So I wasn't really sure. I close to ignored all the boys so I wouldn't be tempted to go back. I'm pretty sure they were upset at me. I was about halfway through my work for the day and my phone rang. It was a private number but I picked it up anyway. 

"Hello," I asked cautiously. 

"Hi," The caller replied, "Sara we're wondering if you're joining us again because calum's a mess and you're not picking up calls from any of us. Are you mad at us for something?" I was relieved that it was one of the boys. 

"No. No, I have work I need to be doing do you mind if I call you back when I'm done," I said calmly. 

"If you hang up the phone I will tell Luke that you are officially ignoring us for no reason," They continued

"Damn it child. I have a perfectly good reason.  I want to get my work done so I'm ready for my exams. Which are in november by the way," I was exasperated, "Which idiot is it," I asked

"Owch harsh. Mikey actually. You've ignored all our calls except from this one and when it's not our phones. Calum thinks you hate him and wants to know if you're still together also..." I cut him off by hanging up the phone. I couldn't get back into doing work. It was the first time for almost a month since I had heard his voice. I looked at my phone which was ringing again. Luke. 

"Hi," I whispered. 

"I can't hear you," Luke shouted over screams, "Are you coming back next week," He asked. 

"No I've got things to do," I replied, "I've got to go," I told him before hanging up. I looked back at my laptop before continuing with the essay I was writing. I finished it and emailed it to my teacher. I started the next essay when a request to facetime popped up which I denied. It was from Calum. It wasn't the first time that he tried to talk to me since I left the tour but I felt mean declining it. I received an imessage from Luke which I read. 

From: Luke

Are you okay you seem so distant now xx

I smiled to myself. I didn't talk to many people anymore. People didn't want to be my friend because of who I was but because I was dating the one and only Calum Hood. My old friends from school had ditched me. But I didn't really want them back. Not now. Not ever. I just wanted the boys and Livvi. But I couldn't I needed to do my work no distractions. That's what I did. I went downstairs Mum and Dad were in the living room it was only about 5:00 but I made myself dinner and snuck suck up to my room. I lead on my bed on my laptop scrolling down tumble eating my sandwich, I didn't have much to do but I didn't want to talk to the boys or Livvi. Not really. My twitter I had deactivated. I didn't want to read the hate that the fans sent me for hurting Cal when in reality I was doing it for him. I was going to break up with him soon. But. But I didn't really want to. I had to though it hurt me just as much as it was hurting him. This distance and this pain wasn't doing me any good. I can't help but think about what it was doing to him. I heard chatter and laughter from downstairs. Slowly, I opened my bedroom door. I slipped onto the landing itself and glancing over the barrier stopping you from falling. They were here. Here in this house. I was suddenly very anxious. I ran back to my room and bolted my door shut. I quickly got dressed into a black and red skater dress that was knee length with skin tights and a pair of combat boots and a leather jacket before climbing out of my bedroom window that was over the verandah. I jumped off the roof and walked away from my worst fears. Thats what I was good at. Leaving. Leaving and not looking back. I was at the bottom of the drive. I looked back at the house and saw the figures in the living room of happy people. I didn't want to rock their platform so I carried on walking. I walked to the beach. I knew thats where everyone at my school would be but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I sat at the far end by the cliffs. There were some young kids with their parents. I hadn't gone anywhere with Mom and Dad for years. They're always too busy for me anyways even as a child. I watched the tide roll in and the skys get steadily darker.  As it got darker the cold seemed to start to bite around the edges and I was glad that I had brought the leather jacket. I pulled my knees up to my chest and looked at the now nearly empty beach. It was a friday as there was a small bonfire near the lifeguards hut. The fire was surrounded by teenagers partying. Dancing. Kissing. Being happy. I just felt out of place. 

"Sara," There was a beautiful girl in front of me. Lex her pale skin. I looked up, "Want to join the party?" I nodded standing up. I went over with her. 

"Lex long time," I grinned she was my best friend at my old school. 

"Yeah. I've missed you. I've noticed the Calum drama," She smiled. Her emerald green eyes creased at the corners. She passed me a cup and I remember little else.