Lies. (Ghost x Ricky Horror)

2.

☠ Ghost ☠ {~}

I walked into the hotel that day thinking Ricky would come and beg me to come back. I would say yes and we would put it behind us.

It's been a week now. No calls, no texts, no nothing. I've asked Chris if he's been at recording sessions and big surprise, he has.

I sat down on the bed and let out a long sigh. My life is fucked. He worked so hard to get me back, and now he's just letting me go. Maybe this whole thing was a trick, some cruel joke he set up to mess with me.

I was stressing, I needed to un stress. The best way? Hot showers. I get off the bed and make my way to the bathroom, stripping in the process. I reach the bathroom and immediately turn it on its hottest setting. I feel the water and step in letting the scolding water burn my back. I slowly stepped back and let it wash over my whole body. I run my hands through my hair and attempt to untangle what I can. I grab the shampoo and massage it in. The wash out the shampoo and see pink water. I hadn't died my hair, so what is it? I open the curtain and look at my back, rows and rows scars popping out. I see that the water had opened up some of the scars. I close it and attempt to turn the water on hotter, needed more of the pleasure it was giving me.

I condition my hair and grab my razor for shaving my legs. It was way overdue. The room had began to steam a while ago and it was amazing. All my worries and stress felt as if they were being lifted off.

Then I reached my thighs. I avoid this area a lot, hence me not wearing shorts in public. I see the littered area of fading lines, some fresher then others. I quickly shave the area and wash it. I shakily set down the razor as all my stress and worries came back crashing ten times harder.

I feel tears prick my eyes and I start to panic. The anxiety building up, anxiety and panic attacks combined make you feel so... Horrible. Words don't describe what you feel. You have to actually experience it to believe it.

I feel the walls crashing down over me and I fall to the floor, tears spilling out onto my cheeks. I never realized how much I needed someone to help me. I'm useless by myself, I'm a worthless piece of space that nobody needs. That's probably why Ricky did what he did, he doesn't need me, no one does. I crave for something that I know I can't have. I've been doing so well these past months, I didn't want to throw all of it away just for the happiness it gave me. But I need happiness right now, I need some sort of relief. I stare at the object I've become so familiar with, I stare at it for a while. I swear I feel it call my name, begging for me to use it, begging to let it help me take the pain away.

I turn off the water and and wrap a towel around my waist, getting out of there as fast as I could. I walk into the room and stare at myself in the mirror, looking at all the flaws, not being able to find one feature that I liked. I saw the fat, I saw the scars, I saw everything society claimed made you ugly. I just stood there, staring at the reflection that stared back at me.

I brought my hand up to my face and looked all around, feeling the bumps of acne. I walk away from the mirror and grab my pack of cigarettes and elastic bands. I wrap ten elastics around my wrist, five on each wrist, and grab a pair of sweatpants. I open the balcony door attached to the room and step out, letting the calm wind of Scranton hit me. I take out a cigarette and light it, letting the cancerous chemicals fill my lungs. I snap the elastic over and over again trying to replicate the same sensation I would get with the other friend.

I stay out there for two hours, well into the night hours. I've broken six of the ten bands from snapping them too hard, smoked one cig and decided to smoke my vapor instead.

I walk into the bathroom once more and rinse the dried blood that had started. I pull on a long sleeved shirt and hop onto the couch, turning on the TV. Flipping through the channels attempting to find something to watch, I finally stop on the news, finding nothing more.

I go onto Twitter and look at my timeline. Mostly other band members, few fans here and there. Then one tweet in particular caught my eye. Can you guess who it is? I'm pretty sure you can.

@.rickyxhorror (picture above^)

With this babe, I love you so much @.jessicahhhx (I don't know her Twitter but whatever)

I felt my heart drop, it's been a week and he's already with another person? He didn't really love me did he?

I pick up my writing book and walk out the hotel and towards a nearby park. I know a place behind it where I've only taken one person, Ricky.

I walk towards the place and hear talking, a woman and a male. I peak my head around the corner to see what else? Ricky with the same girl.

"Fuck you Richard."

** hella depressing chapter, knives and pens acoustic in the media. Sorry. So, I'm thinking about getting spider bites, yes or no?

These events are personal experiences so I decided to write what I know about (besides the smoking cigs, but I have an e-cig).

Vote, comment, fan. Ily

I'll try and update more often.

- London Mckuffey.