Living Off Past Trauma [EDITED]

The Truth I Buried

Published: 25April2025
Edited: 16June2025

Onika Calhoun Jones//Oni
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Throwback:
The Day She Woke Up From Her Coma

It had been a long few weeks. The kind that makes people look at life differently.

I sat on the hospital bed, legs spread out. My palms sweaty. My heart racing. Lamar was seated next to me and he gave me a concerned look, but I gave him a small nod.

"I have something to tell you guys..." I said, loud enough to hear but soft enough that it felt personal.

Everyone looked at me and when I mean everyone, I mean — Sky, Tai, Kris, Pooter, Lizzo, Omar and Lamar.

I took a deep breathe.

"When I was fifteen... something happened to me. Something I've kept quiet for years. Something I've buried deep within me." I paused and by now Lamar could already tell what I wanted to say because he took my hand in his and gave it a little squeeze of encouragement. "Tjay...I got sexually abused by Tjay"

The room froze. The words felt Raw—Real, —and heavy. Taylor's head dropped. Sky's eyebrows frowned, eyes already glossy. The rest blinked slowly, like their brains were trying to make sure they heard me right. Lamar squeezed my hand again, allowing me to continue.

"He didn't just hurt me emotionally—he damaged my body. I have a few scars on my body because of him....and-and-" my own eyes became glossy. "My ovaries were messed up so badly, doctors said I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I thought that was it for me." 

I wiped my tears. "I didn't tell anyone because I was scared. I didn't want to be looked at like a victim. I didn't want pity. I didn't want people to look and treat me differently. So...I told no one except for my mom and Lamar. And I regret only tell them because you deserved to know Sky. Day after day I would beat myself for not telling you Sky. For not telling you and Lola what happened." My voice cracked. Sky shook her head slowly, her eyes closed as tears spilt down her cheeks; her teeth biting her bottom lip to stop her sobs.

"For long I thought I was broken. I thought a part of my life was gone forever. Stolen," I said. "And I carried that quietly. Like it was some dirty secret. I didn't tell you Sky because I didn't want you to look at me different. Like I was damaged."

"You're not damaged!" Sky's voice trembled. "You're so strong—still standing. And you're wrong for thinking I'd judge you. I'd never do such, especially about something like this!" She sobbed.

"I'm sorry...I-I just couldn't," I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. "I carried that weight alone for too long. But now, I'm done carrying it in silence."

I looked around the room— at their shocked, pained, loving faces.

"I'm telling you this because I'm finally healing. And because I thought I'd be infertile forever."

"I never thought I'd ever hear myself say I'm healing. After all the pain—I thought motherhood was something I'd lost forever. But now...I know I'm not broken. I survived. And I'm finally, truly living again."

Sky pulled me into a deep loving hug. 

Everyone sat in silence—not because they didn't care, but because they did deeply.

And in the silence, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time.

I felt something real crack open inside me—something deeper than pain.

Relief.

Because now, the truth was so longer mine to carry.

The Truth was No Longer Buried.

I was now finally at peace.

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The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad
If we got each other, and that's all we have❤

You dont have to carry the burden alone...