Living Off Past Trauma [EDITED]

Never again

Published 29April2025
Edited 18June2025

Onika Calhoun Jones//Oni
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Four Months Later: 9 MONTHS PREGNANT

It felt like both a lifetime and the blink of an eye.

I stood in the nursery one quiet morning, running my fingers across the edge of the cribs — three of them, lined up neatly like little dreams waiting to be held. The pastel tones of blue and lavender painted warmth into the walls, and my hospital bag sat packed by the door.

My belly was full and heavy with life. My back ached. My ankles had long disappeared. But I was ready — emotionally, spiritually, and more than anything, mentally. I had fought so long to get here.

Then, just after midnight, it happened.

A sudden tightening in my lower stomach. Then the unmistakable gush.

I gasped, looking down. "Lamar!"

He bolted into the room, barefoot and wide-eyed. "What's wrong?!" He looked around.

"It's time," I whispered, gripping the dresser. "My water just broke."

We were out the door in less than ten minutes.

I was not prepared for what were to come...

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Omniscient
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The hospital was calm but focused. Nurses moved quickly, and the OB team was already prepared. Onika had been monitored closely for the last few months, so everything was expected — even the slightly early arrival.

Still, as the hours passed and contractions grew stronger, her heart raced. She was scared. Not of the pain — she could handle that. But the weight of what it meant. Three tiny hearts. Three lives depending on her strength.

She squeezed Lamar's hand tightly as they wheeled her into the delivery room.

"You've got this," he said softly, kissing her forehead. "You're already their hero."

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The delivery was intense.

The pain came in waves — sharp, deep, and unrelenting. Onika gritted her teeth through another contraction as the hospital room dimmed around her. After hours of labor, she was already drained.

The nurses moved around her quickly, efficiently, but something in their eyes had changed. Their calm was now layered with concern.

"Her blood pressure's dropping," one whispered to the doctor.

Onika felt it — a kind of heaviness creeping up her spine. Her vision blurred for a second. Her hands were cold.

Lamar was by her side, gripping her hand like he was holding her to the earth. "Hey, hey... look at me," he said, panic bleeding into his voice. "Breathe. Just breathe, baby."

"I'm trying," she whispered, her voice thin, "I'm trying..."

The doctor stepped forward. "Onika, you're doing amazing. But we need to move quickly now. You're losing more blood than expected. We may need to assist the final delivery surgically if your pressure continues to drop."

Onika felt her heart clench — fear creeping in, wrapping around her ribs. She didn't want to be put under. She didn't want to close her eyes and miss the moment her babies entered the world.