Living Off Past Trauma [EDITED]

Epilogue 1: Time does go by fast

Published 29April2025

Edited 18June2025

Lola Brinks//Lani
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July 2025

Five months...

That's how long it's been since Onika gave birth — since I held one of those tiny babies in my arms and realized how much had changed.

Since I watched her come back from a coma, from trauma, from the kind of pain that should've broken her — and didn't.

A year since I got discharged from the hospital.

A year and a month since the whole Tjay incident.

A year and a month since The Hidden Ravens was put in my hands.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, I had to change too.

When her hands became full with bottles and bassinets, mine filled with weight — leadership, responsibility, fear.

Because when Tjay died, I didn't just step up.

I took over.

I never thought I'd have to be the one.

I was the crazy one. The loyal friend. The girl who could throw hands and talk her way out of damn near anything. But lead? That wasn't supposed to be me.

But when the old board members started sniffing around again — ex-leaders, old enemies — trying to reclaim turf or test our weakness, someone had to make sure things didn't fall apart.

I wasn't gonna let everything Luca built go to waste. As much as I despised him, I wasn't gonna let his sweat, blood and tears go to waste. He built the undercity, my home— and I wasn't about to let that all crumble.

So with the help of Black Spades and the Elders, I tightened the circle. Reorganized how we moved. Took care of people who were too reckless or too loyal to ghosts. I made peace where I could, and warned where I had to.

Taylor didn't like how hard I was being on myself.

"You're in too deep, Lo," he said one night, voice low like he didn't want to spook me. "You don't have to work yourself up so much. We're here for you. He's here for you too...."

He thought I was gonna kill myself because of the extra times I was working or because I didn't like it.

It wasn't that. Not entirely.

It was about control — taking it back. About keeping our people safe. About making sure no other girl ended up tied to a chair like Onika had been.

Some nights, I get home after 2 a.m., blood still under my nails, and I sit on the edge of our bed wondering if I've changed too much.

But then Taylor wakes up, groggy and warm, and pulls me under his arm like he always does. Like I'm still me. Just a version with sharper edges.

He's still here. Still mine.

We've had arguments — loud ones. He hates how hard I'm being on myself, hates that I'm not talking things—that I have too much closure. But he also knows I'm not a girl who stands in the shadows. He also knows that I was just raised different. That I still get flashbacks of my past and he understands me. 

So he stands beside me. Or just behind, when I need the space.

He's patient with me, and understanding.

That's why I love him.

I still see Onika.

She comes by sometimes with all three babies strapped to her like she's a walking nursery. She's glowing now — like all that darkness finally left her skin.

Sometimes I envy her peace.

Other times, I wear my chaos like a crown.

We're different now, her and I. But still connected. Still sisters through the fire.

Being in charge isn't easy.

But I'm still standing.

And as long as I breathe, no one's tearing down what we built — not without going through me first.

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The front door creaked as I pushed it open, and I let out a sigh so heavy it probably shook the foundation.

I dropped my keys on the little table by the entrance and let my bag hit the floor like a sack of bricks. I didn't even bother to unclip it. My whole body felt like it was made of concrete — law school, gang meetings, that two-hour drive from Southside... I was beyond cooked. I was deep-fried and smoked.

The house was quiet. Dim. The smell of lavender and and beef stew drifted from the kitchen. Taylor must've cooked again.

I didn't stop to check. I couldn't.

I peeled my shoes off at the base of the stairs and dragged myself up, one slow step at a time, like gravity was stronger in this damn house.

The door to our room was cracked, warm light spilling out into the hallway like an invitation. Inside, Taylor was stretched out on the bed, shirtless, one hand behind his head, scrolling on his phone like he wasn't the best part of my entire day.

The moment his eyes met mine, he smiled — soft, like I was the thing he'd been waiting for.

"There she go," he said.

I didn't say a word. Just walked straight to the bed, climbed in still fully dressed, and collapsed onto his chest like my bones gave out.

He wrapped his arms around me without missing a beat. Held me like he knew I'd been fighting the whole damn world all day.

"Rough day?" he asked.

"I hate the justice system," I mumbled into his skin. "And law school. And being an adult. And anyone who breathes too loud."

He chuckled. "So... everybody?"

"Especially the professors. One of 'em said the system wasn't that biased. I almost risked my entire scholarship to slap the smug off his face."

He kissed the top of my head and said, "You're doing it, though. All of it. And better than anyone else could."

I didn't say anything at first. Just laid there, my eyes closed, cheek pressed to his chest, breathing in the calm he always gave me.

"You know what's wild?" I said after a minute. "I sat in court today — watched a real trial. And all I could think about was... if I make it through this, if I really do this... I can take people like Tjay and Ryan down. Like the men who hurt girls and walk away clean."

His grip tightened around me. "And you will. You already are. You're that girl, Lo."

I smiled a little. "You and your sweet words."

"Somebody's gotta remind you who the hell you are. Between running the block and killing it in court? You're terrifying."

"I don't feel terrifying. I feel like a human burrito that's been microwaved too long."

"Then be my burrito. Lay here. Just be here."

And I did. I melted into him, let the weight fall off me for the first time all day. No calls. No guns. No books. Just Taylor — warm and real and mine.

Out there, the city never stops moving. But right here, in his arms, everything slows down.

And for once, I wasn't carrying it all alone.

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One last Chapter guys. Oooo I can't believe it😭💅

I'm finna cry! Surprise Surprise, Y'all finna see things🤫🧍‍♂️