I'll Be Your Light In The Darkness [brustoff]

Chapter Seventeen

*Trigger Warning*

Flashback
Ben POV

I began to bounce my knees up and down nervously as I waited in the waiting room of the hospital.
"You ok?"
I turned to look to see Danny looking at me with concern.
"I-I don't know I don't really what to be here but I know I need to" I responded biting my nails.

"Good at least you're kind of accepting that you need help...just little steps ok" he said enveloping my hand with his. It felt nice, we were the only ones in the waiting room so it was kind of less pressure on me.

"Benjamin Bruce?" Called the Doctor causing Danny to quickly let go of my hand. Kind of felt my heart split into two. Danny didn't want anyone knowing about us. I felt like I was his dirty secret.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" He asked.
Slowly I nodded my head and he followed behind into the nurses room.

"Hello Ben I'm doctor Maxwell" she said holding her hand for me to shake it. Slowly I grabbed her hand shaking it to be polite.
"And you are?"
"Danny friend of Ben's" he said shaking her hand too.

"Take a seat" she said gesturing for us to sit down. As we both sat down she clicked keys on her computer searching through files.

"Ok so from what you have told us you have to difficulties eating?" She asked.
I nodded my head in response.
"When was the last time you ate?" She asked.
"T-this morning Danny made me eat" I replied nervously.
"How much did you eat?" She asked me next.

I turned looking at Danny nervously. He gave me a reassuring smile "it's ok Ben" he whispered.
"One bite" I responded.
"Do you vomit up any food you eat?" She asked next. I felt nervous everything felt too personal and I didn't like it.

"It's ok Ben everything you tell me stays in here" she replied softly.
"Y-yes"
"Ok Ben we need to weigh you if you don't mind stepping on the scales" she said gesturing the scales next to me.

Stepping on she weighed me and the doctor took a reading. As I sat back down.
"Ok Ben" she said moving her spiny chair to face me.
"This is really important you are two stone underweight and if you lose another stone I will have no choice but have to admit you to hospital,do you understand how serious this is Ben?" She spoke in a serious tone.

I nodded my head "yes Doctor"
"I'm going to run blood tests and I'm going to admit you to a therapist because I understand that there are other problems that your dealing with"

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Danny decided we were going to have a meal that night and James was cooking.
I sat of the couch hugging my knees burying my face into them. I felt like I had no freedom anymore eyes constantly watching my every more.

James had made spaghetti I used to like James cooking until I realised how fat I was. As we sat down at the table Danny gave me "one scoop" which everyone else saw as tiny amount but I saw as huge for my fat stomach to handle.

My hand began to shake as I picked up the fork slowly for about a whole minute just swirling the spaghetti on my fork. I could feel everyone's eyes on me.

"Please Ben" whispered Danny.
Quickly I shoved to spaghetti in my mouth gushing down loads of water trying to wash it down. And done.

I felt Danny's hand on my thigh. Turning to look at him he had a soft smile on his face.
"Well done...just little steps at a time ok?"