I'll Be Your Light In The Darkness [brustoff]

Chapter Nine

Warning Triggering

Denis POV:

I ran back to the tour bus as I felt like tears were starting to fall down. The thought about what just happened and with Dusty back and Ben defending me back there. I didn't want any of this I didn't want any of them to know about my past, I just wanted to start fresh.

I felt worthless like how Dusty used to make me feel. Now Ben is probably going to tell the others and their all going to look and treat me differently. I needed some way of releasing the pain. Something new crossed my mind.

I went to the bathroom opening my toiletries bag to find my razor. Using my fist I smashed the razor apart and took the blade out. Quickly I took off my wristbands and with a shaky hand I placed the blade to my wrist.

Just as I was about to cut Ben burst through the door "Denis are you o-". He was shocked the look on his face was shocked. Gently Ben reached over taking the blade from my fingers and threw it away. He grabbed my wrist and looked into my eyes.

And that was it, I just burst into tears "hey hey hey it's ok" he whispered as he pulled me into a hug. I gripped onto his jacket as I began to cry it was something I haven't done in so long, cry and let my emotions out.

"How long have you cut yourself for?" He asked softly.

"N-never *gasp* I've never done it before!" I cried as I kept my grip on Ben's jacket.

"I know what it's like believe me you don't want to get into that habit" he responded.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked lifting my head up to look at him.

Ben walked to the lounge of the bus and I followed behind sitting down after him.

He sighed running his hands over his thighs. "I didn't really want to tell you this but I guess since your an official member of the band you should know....I don't even know where to begin.....when Danny was still in the band I was in a really terrible place....I felt pathetic, useless, disgusting and ugly....I felt like no one cared for me...that's what lead me to self harming...cuts after cuts after cuts and every time they would start to heal I would dig my nails into the scars to break them" he explained before taking a wristband off his arm showing me a couple of white lines on his wrist you could hardly notice them.

"Danny flushed my blade down the toilet and to be honest...I hated him for it and I felt like he was being selfish on me....that's when after months and months of not cutting myself I began to realise...I'm better than that and that I don't need to resolve to hurting myself"

I placed my hands over my face and I could feel the tears starting to come again. "I'm sorry....you went through this and here's me attempting to hurt myself" I apologised.

"It's fine was it something to do with that guy from before?" He asked.

I kept silent.

"Did you know him?" He asked.

"H-he's my....e-ex it's nothing really" I stuttered.

"Nothing?...Denis he grabbed you by the wrists and punched you in the fucking face and your telling me that's nothing?!....wait a minute....Denis did he used to hurt you?" He asked quietly.

I kept my face buried in my hands and began to cry again. I felt him shuffle towards me and wrapped his arms around me. "Hey hey hey it's ok shhh" he hushed.

"Denis look at me" he muttered. Slowly I looked up at him "it doesn't have to be now but I want you to give me his name and a photo and he will be banned from all Asking Alexandria concerts I won't let that fucker near you again" he spoke.

I nodded my head in response "T-thank you" I said.

I smiled softly back at me "it's fine".

I gasped softly as he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears on my face. "Besides who would want to hurt you? Your fucking adorable and the girls love you!" He responded causing me to chuckle a little.

But then it was silent and I felt my eyes locked onto his. My eyes slowly moved down to look at his lips which caused me without even thinking to lean in and press my lips against his. When realising what I did I shuffled away pressing my hand over my mouth.

My eyes widened worried of what Ben was going to do. Was he going to hit me? Was he going to shout at me? Was he going to call me those horrible words?.

"I'm sorry!" I apologised my voice muffled by my hand. I looked to see Ben looking at me.

He laughed a little before finally speaking "I knew I had the charm but I didn't think it would hit you yet although it always works on James!" He joked.

"It's fine don't worry about it the amount of times I've kissed everyone else, come on why don't we just hang out and see a couple of bands play for the rest of the day?" Suggested Ben.

I nodded my head before standing up off the couch. Ben stood up throwing his arm over my shoulders leading us outside. But part of me felt a little disappointed that Ben didn't think anything of the kiss....