DMs||Luke Hemmings||#wattys2016

3

Sorry for not updating. This chapter is dedicated to @laylo1234
"Leave me alone. Please. It's subsiding. But I just need to be alone." I whispered.

"Braelynn, you need to have somebody." The person who had stayed in the room during the panic attack said. I was still fuming a little, so my mind didn't recognize who it was.

"That somebody is gone! I had these attacks before he died. I had them for my whole life. My family dealt with them when I was younger, under 18. But as soon as I knocked them out during one, and I was over 18, they kicked me out. For good.I lost my family! I lost the only person who I knew my mind wouldn't punch. The only person my mind would recognize who it was when I was in my anger attack. And that person is DEAD! Do you understand? Dead! And he's never going to come back." I whimpered at the thought of Blake holding my shaking body close to him as I struggled to punch stuff. He always whispered sweet nothings into my ear to calm me down.

"You need to get over him."

"I LOVED HIM! Yes, I know I need to get over him. And I am. The thing is, I loved him will all that I have in me. And not many 17 year olds get that. We were 17, Luke. 17! And yet he planned to propose to me. Do you know how much it hurts to have your boyfriend who you loved very much just die? Do you know how hard it is to cope with the fact that the one person you've ever loved your entire life dying? Do you know, that if somebody you loved that much dies in front of your eyes, your bound to end up like me? With issues everybody hates, even me. More frequent anger attacks. They didn't happen around new people when he was alive, Luke. I don't know what triggered them when I was nervous when he died though. I guess he just made me less nervous. But I don't have the comfort of him around me. And I accept that. But the attacks don't go away. Heck, I don't control what I'm saying most of the time. Sometimes, if somebody I care about is in the room, I'll manage to control it long enough to let them get out of the room." I whispered.

"Is it over?" Ashton asked.

"Please. Just make them leave me alone for a few minutes okay? I just need to be alone." I murmured.

"Just let her be, guys." Luke yelled, exiting the room as well. I could hear the boys surprise at him talking.

"I told you he'd snap out of it." Michael said to me through the closed door.

"It only happens if they're upset or worried." I murmured back.

"Can we come in?" Calum asked, his concern laced in his voice.

"It's over. But I want to be alone."

"You need somebody to comfort you, Brae. Can I call you that?" Ashton said.

"Just don't call me Rae." I said, not explaining why. They would figure it out.

"Okay. I understand." Ashton said. I knew they would know why. They knew enough about how much I loved Blake to figure out that's what he called me when he was alive.

"You can come in now." I said. They filed into the room, Calum wrapping me in a big hug. I grabbed the ring from the counter top and put it back on, this time on the middle finger of my right hand.

FLASHBACK~

"Hey. What's your name?" A cute boy came up to me in math class, on the first day of sophomore year.

"Braelynn. Yours?" I asked, grinning.

"Blake." He said, holding his hand out for me to shake.

"Nice to meet you. Sit next to me?" I said, gesturing to the seat that was open next to me.

"Of course." He said, sliding into the chair. His knee not-so-accidently bumped mine.Even that simple gesture ignited butterflies in my stomach. He hook our pinkies together like a pinkie promise.