Towers | (Ashton Irwin) / #wattys2016

Chapter 7

I've decided, that I will keep reading her diary, I don't feel like sleeping anyways.

**March 11, 2014

Hey, sorry I haven't written for a while, like a few months, but I just didn't have nothing to say. I spend the most of my time sleeping or crying... but now I have news... oh and before that: Happy new year haha I know I'm like three months late, but just appreciate the effort.. so yeah back to the news!

You know Josh texted me a few minutes ago, then he called... he first texted me: Kendall my baby, sorry for the birthday, but i just couldn't make it, we were having a family drama... you are not angry right? xxx

Of course I'm angry, you texted me after almost 2 weeks of silence, I didn't even know what's going on with you and now you expect me to talk to you??  So I didn't reply, but he called me, and I answered...**

Kendall why are you so naive? He is playing you like you are some kind of a game.

**So he started to apologizing and even crying. I know right, who knew? I guess he isn't that bad after all... or at least I thought, so then I started to talk normally again, like I forgive him and then... he just proved to me that I'm a joke for him, but I'm not going down that easy this time...

Sorry back to the point, so he started, you know that the x factor is coming up, and you should definitely enter, me and my friends already sing you in and will be there to support you, you should receive some mail, so check it out bla bla bla...so that's when I knew he want to humiliate me in front of a national tv, but what he doesn't know is, that I can actually sing, or at least I think I can... oh man I can't sing, what if I embarrassed myself. But I can't give him that satisfaction and I know staying at home it's not an option, cause he will come and drag me there if he'll need to, anything to just humiliate me. I guess I have to go, I will pick a song to sing in auditions and practise all the days i have left, then hopefully I will make it to auditions, you know, the one you  watch on tv, with famous judges and stuff, and then I will laugh in his face.

I can't believe it!! Kendall you are sticking up for yourself for the first time in your life! I'm so proud of me.. this feeling, I need to do this more often... I can't believe it, I'm even smiling... but then I wonder, can I even make it to a life shows? I'm not that good and my looks just ruined everything, there will be a thousands more talented and beautiful singers, what do I have that they don't? Oh... I don't know... nothing. I have nothing... yeah and the smile is gone. Gosh maybe he's right, maybe I will embarrassed myself. But I have to try. I will try. Oh and the auditions in Texas, are next week on Wednesday, so I really need pick a song to sing, and I have to pick it fast! i will go and look up on the youtube to see which song should I sing, wish me luck to find a perfect one! Talk to you later, K bye. x**

Anything she sings it's awesome, she is the best singer ever, and then there is me, I'm just randomly screaming, thinking I'm actually singing... but I guess it's working, people like it? Or it's maybe the right tone of screaming. I need to take this more serious, if we are going to be performing, live. Oh fuck, I have to get singing lessons or something. I wish, I had a voice, like Luke does, I mean, he is killing it, it's so powerful and he know how to use it.. I will have to ask him, how does he have such a control over his voice. Yeah, I will do that, and now I will read on, I mean who needs sleep, when you can read a diary. Did I just say that? Man, I'm lame...

** March 16, 2014

Hey again, I'm sorry for not writing, for a long 5 days, but I was so busy rehearsing for the auditions, I will go for it and I hope I will shut Josh up for ever! You know? He even came to my house! Can you believe him?? He is such a douchebag, so he came to me, to see how am I doing, acting all concerned about me and stuff, and then he started to asking me all those questions about my audition and if I will go there and that he knows, that I will be great, but I just saw right through him, he is such a liar, I bet he is hooking up with one of "friends" who will came with me to my auditions. I bet they are already preparing all the laughter and stuff they think will say to me, but I have a little surprise for them too. And let me tell you this as well, so then he asked me which song I'm gonna sing, right? And I lie, I didn't tell the truth, so I say the first song that popped in my head and this was: Miley Cyrus - the climb...

"Wow, that's a tough one." he said and laughed a little, in my face! But little did he knows, that I'm planning to sing even harder song than this... but I think it's the right one! It's from Christina Aguilera - I will be, and this song, this song speaks my mind, that I will fight them alone, I will go through this alone and I will be strong, with my head held high, it's just perfect, I can feel this song, it's definitely the right one, so, hopefully tomorrow will go well, I also picked an outfit, it's not much, it's just a simple skinny jeans with white crop top and black leather jacket, it's me... it's my style and if I will go and sing in front of some strangers, at least I want it to be me. I'm not gonna lie I'm nervous as hell, but I have to do this, for myself, I have to change! The life I'm living it, I don't want it, so I will change it! I will take a chance and go for it, not even having any back up plain, I have to suicide, otherwise Josh and his "friends" will take me down. So tomorrow, I will sing my heart and soul out and I hope it will be enough for those judges to get me on the tv. I just want to tell my story to the world, like I've mentioned it here a million times before, because I know a lot of people is going through the same problems I'm going and I just want to tell them, what I keep telling myself: keep fighting, life will get better and you will find someone who will love you. I'm not entirely sure, if I believe this or not, but I will just pretend that I do and we will see where this brings me. I have nothing to lose anyways. So now it's getting kinda late and I have to get enough sleep, cause tomorrow it's a big day, so wish me luck and I will tell you how it goes, for now this is all. K, bye xxx**

That's the spirit, see, you can do it. I told her that, for a milions times, that she is strong and she can do it on her own, but she never believed me, she always said that she isn't strong, but the people who are not afraid to stand for themselves and who are not afraid to walk alone are the strongest persons ever. I don't think I will have a guts to go and audition for the x factor after someone who screw me over signed me up. I would be so scared, that I would embarrassed myself... but like I said, I'm afraid to be alone, I will always look up to Kendall, she is just the best person ever.

I guess I fell asleep, because a sound of my phone buzzing on a night stand woke me up. I opened my eyes and bright sunlight, peeking through the curtains of my room blinded me, I look around and notice, that I'm lying on my bed with Kendall's laptop on my lap, a few seconds pass, before I grab my phone and look at the screen, to see that someone, who I don't have in my contacts, is calling me...