Towers | (Ashton Irwin) / #wattys2016

Chapter 3

Well that didn't go as planned, because Luke texted me that, if I won't go out they will come here and by them I mean Luke, Michael and Calum, my best friends and we are kind of trying to be a band, but not for real just to hang out and stuff. I don't know if we are really good, but by Kendall's opinion we should book a gig, but I don't know. So while I wait for them I will read for a bit. I don't know why, but I just can't stop reading this...

** December 14, 2013

" Kendall, can you come down for a bit!" My mom screamed. It was only 8:30 in the morning, but at least she is home. I slowly climbed from my warm and conformable bed, cold air hitting my body as soon as I opened the door of my room, I shevered a little and quickly went downstairs.

"Here you are, so I just want to tell you, that I really really try to be home for your birthday, but my boss doesn't let me take a break. Sorry." what else could I expected, she only talks to me when she has some news and these news are always the bad ones.

"That's okay, I will be home just watch a movie or something, it's not a big deal anyways." Lies. I want to spend my birthday with her and Josh or maybe on a party, but not with Josh's friends, I don't like the thought that he will know anyone and I wouldn't know them, they would all talk to each other and I would awkwardly stand next to them looking like a statue of liberty. Also I'm scared that maybe he would left me alone or something, that's the reason I said no to his suggestion for a party.

"You are so strong." She said and left. I've been asking myself the same question for years now, what happened with her and why she never really pays attention to me. Like what did I do to her? And by the way I don't buy her shit, I just can't believe that she is working all day and night, all days in a week. I think she has another man or even family, but she is too scared to tell me... well maybe I'm overreacting but she is literally never home. Even if you have a job, you would be home, for holidays or weekends right? I will never be like this to my kids. I want to be the best mom, the mom they will trust, the mom which will spend time with their kids, the mom, who doesn't keep secrets from their own kids, the mom who supports her children. Not like this, I don't want for them to go through this shit. Okay I will stop now, otherwise I will start to cry.

I've tried to call Josh, but he didn't answered for a whole day, which is weird and unusual for him, he would always called me back. Well I guess he has something to do... I'm so bored, I wish I would have a dog, maybe he would keep me company. **

"Well hello there mate!" Michael says and I jump a little on the couch.

"Fuck, you scared me." I say back.

"Wow man, you look awful." Calum really knows what to say, but he was right, I didn't bother with my looks ever since she left me, I didn't really get much of a sleep too. The fact that she left me, now, almost a week ago, tells how bad I've must look.

"Thanks." I say sarcastically.

"What are you doing?" Luke asks and looks at the computer. I look down, it's hard for me to talk about Kendall.

"Is that from her?" Calum asks and puts his arm on my shoulder. I don't say nothing, just looking at her laptop.

"Look mate, I know it hurts but, you have to go somewhere or do something, you can't be here by yourself, or you will go crazy. You will get over her, you are only 20 and you have the whole damn life in front of you." Michael is right, but I don't want to get over her. She is everything to me!

"Michael, it's not that easy, he misses her. Anyways, isn't that Kendall's laptop?" Luke is the most understandable human being in the world, well except Kendall. She always listened to me and helped me and made me smile.

"Yeah it is." I say quietly.

"Oh, so is this her story?" Calum asks.

"No, it's her diary, she wrote it since she was 17." I say sad.

"Oh, but aren't you just more sad, when you are reading this?" Michael's continuing conversation.

"No not really, it calms me actually." I say honestly. After a minute or two of silence, Luke breaks the awkwardness.

"So Ashton, when are you ready to start with our practices, you know the band and hang outs and stuff?"

"I don't know mate, I really don't feel like doing anything." I say.

"You know that playing drums always gets you in a better mood and it's about time to be in a good mood. I miss your smile bro." Michael says. I miss my smile and laughs and jokes too, well I am or was very positive person, always in a good mood and laughing, maybe that's why she liked me in the first place, I was total opposite of her, but it's seems pointless to even smile, I just can't do it, when she is not around.

"Yeah, maybe next week?" I say to them.

"Come on, at least let's have movie night with some pizza and beer?" Calum is almost begging me.

"Oh, fine." I give up, because I know they won't stop that easily, they usually get what they want.

"Awsome, I will order pizzas." Luke is excited.

"Ash? Just give it a break for at least tonight? Forget about her, you will feel better." Calum slowly takes her computer away from me and closes it.

"I don't know if I can, it's just so hard, everything reminds me of her." I am holding back my tears.

" I know bro, but you have to give it a break, look at you, you need to sleep." Calum is concerned.

"Okay, I'll try." I say. So we ended up eating pizza and watching scary movies, I love these movies, but they didn't seem funny to me tonight, the whole time my mind were going back to Kendall, how she would cuddle up next to me and she would play with my fingers while watching the movie. After the movies it was 3 am, so we decided that they will stay here for tonight. I went to bed, but took her laptop with me, I will continue reading, till I fall asleep or if I fall asleep.

** December 19, 2013

It's been 5 days since our 11th month anniversary, and that's the last I've talk to Josh, I'm going crazy why doesn't he pick up? I'm scared, tomorrow is my birthday, I don't know what to do, I even went to his place, but his car wasn't at home, so I didn't even bother to go inside...**

I'm trying not to sleep, but my eyes are just closing up, so I let them closed and I finally fall asleep.