Asteroid

51

Jaiden

Depression, it really takes over a person's brain and a person's body. Everyday I think about how much I wanna die, also the fact that my mom wants me dead as well. I want it to be painless, my whole life I've been in pain, if I were to die that'll just be my only wish that it'll be painless and I could just have one moment of peace while I'm still alive.

The thing about me is that I'm too pussy to do it myself.

"Fuck," I yelled and threw down the gun.

It only had one bullet in the chamber, one bullet was all I needed. I started breathing heavy and I broke down crying. I was drunk and emotional, but I was fully aware of what I was trying to do. I slapped myself to try to wake myself up from the recurring nightmare.

I paced around my room and ran my fingers through my hair. All I could think about was my decision of wanting to pull that trigger.

I didn't even think I just said fuck it and picked up the gun again and held it against my head. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to try to calm myself to make this shit easier. I wanted to die I was halfway there with my finger on the trigger.

All I can say is fuck this world and to hell with it.

"Jaiden no," I heard a voice. From my that mirror that I was standing in front of I saw Darcy running towards me.

"Put the gun down"

"I was in shock and I just did what I was told and I put the gun down.

"Jaiden why?" She asked in tears while moving my hair out of my face.

"Have you ever wanted to die Darcy?"

She shook her head no.

"Well I'm drained, I'm done with life, I just want to go"

"Jaiden you're drunk you don't really mean that do you?"

"My own mom wants me dead, she makes it her mission to remind me everyday that I'm nothing, I didn't go to school for 2 weeks because she smashed a bottle over my head"

"You have to believe that you have a purpose because you do, I believe that you're going to make it in life because you have so much potential in you Jaiden"

"I wanted to spend my life with you, you were my last hope but we won't last, I was fucking bluffing when I said I was going to throw Josephine in jail but the truth is I didn't want to be alone and I loved you too much to let you go, now I want you to be happy with me or not, I just wanna go I think I'm ready"

"I think you're drunk and you need to sleep on things Jaiden I don't think you're in the right headspace and I need you to come back"

__________

Darcy

I stayed up damn there all night right by Jaiden's side and she knocked out as soon as I was able to get her in bed. I cried, I don't think I've ever cried like that it was just a hurtful sight, what if I wasn't there then what?

I want to try and help her in any way I can.

I didn't think I had a choice whether or not to tell her parents, but then I thought about what she told me about her mom. Last night I packed some of her clothes because I wanted her to stay with me for a couple of days. I could make sure she's sober and has her head in check.

My mom could help, she's been in her case a long time ago, I just don't want her suffocating in this house with that woman, who hits their kids with glass bottles?

"Darcy sleep," Jaiden said.

"I don't think I can"

"I'm not going anywhere tonight just sleep I know you're tired"

My lips quivered and I felt myself about to cry again. I shook it off and ended up in Jaiden's embrace and we cuddled. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back.

"Get some sleep I'll see you in the morning," Jaiden said.

__________

Jaiden

"I'm staying with Darcy for a couple days," I told my mom and she was having a drink in the kitchen early in the morning.

"Why?"

"I just am I wanna get out of this fucking house"

"You're not going anywhere," she walked up to me.

"The hell I am"

"I said no you're not"

"You don't even want me here mom quite literally you want me dead, so I'm going, I can't stand being in the same house with you"

"Jaiden...c'mon, you know momma loves you," she cupped the back of my head and pulled me into a hug.

I pushed her off of me.

This is the part of my story to my fucked up life that I only said once out loud and only told one person what had happened.

You might not expect it, but I told Josephine. It wasn't intentional, I was just angry at her because my ex cheated on me with her, drunkenly I fought her ON SIGHT after it happened and started to spill everything about my fucked up life including being raped as I was punching her. There was an awkward pause between us, I begged her up and down and I made her swear she wouldn't tell a soul.

She still hated my guts and I hated hers but there was loyalty between us because she kept my secret.

"I won't let you touch me again now I'm fucking leaving for good fuck this house and fuck you"

I picked up my suitcase and left the house.

Darcy already went home, I told her I was going to pack some more stuff since I'm staying with her for a couple of days then going to live with a family member. Darcy had a doctor's appointment so I told her I was going to meet her at her house while also checking in with her frequently through messages so she'll know that I'm okay.

Darcy was kind of right, I was drunk and definitely wasn't in the right state of mind, but I knew what I wanted. I wanted to die it was simple, If it weren't for Darcy being there most likely I would've pulled that trigger.

____

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