Heal my heart.

2

Alastair
I reach my huge apartment soon. It's very pretty here. The window overlooks a huge patch of greenery, the trees overshadow the flat and there's always a pleasant smell of leaves wafting around. I change into a track pant and a simple t-shirt. Today was a big achievement. I have everything I could ask for in life, but still something feels incomplete. It all feels so wrong. All the laurels in the word mean nothing if you don't have that one person to share it with.

Seven years. Seven fucking years. And I'm still pining for that one girl who turned my whole world upside down. I miss her. I walk over to my bedroom. The bookshelf is filled to the brim. She was the one who inculcated in me the habit of reading. From the topmost shelf, I pull out a book. The pages are old and look dull. But the feelings are as fresh as a daisy in spring. I open it and run my fingers along the pages.

Pictures of her, me and us. God, I miss her. I miss her so much that it kills me. How must she be doing? How is she? Is she more beautiful than she was before? She must be. Does she still read books before she goes to sleep? Is she still uncomfortable in heels? Does she still love the smell of paint? Does she still smile like she has everything and cries like she just lost all she had? I remember every excruciating detail. And it's pathetic. I can't bear the thought of it. Has anyone kissed those lips? Has anyone held that hand? Has anyone touched her? The mere thought of it throws me in fits. Someone must have. She might have found new love. Boys always watched her like a hawk. She didn't notice that though. I smile at the memory of punching the face of that guy who was going close to her.

Everything has changed, however it still remains the same. I read the whole diary for the 1000th time in all these years and kept it back, hidden safely. Paige will keep asking questions if she ever finds it.

I just wonder about Paige an her message pings up on my cell phone.

Babyyy, your bed this nyt?? ;) -P

Aargh, she is so annoying. I think she believes that the way to a man's heart is through his bed. That's all she does. Not to mention that she is dumb as fuck. I miss the intelligence of a certain girl. I ignore the text and lie down again. I control the urge to search for her on social networking sites and lay still. The fond memory of that afternoon is still in my mind. She's so sweet, nature wise and taste wise also. You can't blame me, I still dream about her. My eyes stop on the ring on my finger. My engagement ring.

I vaguely remember how Mr. Roberts had convinced me. He had trained me exceptionally well in this business of export and import of goods. I had risen steadily to the post of a CEO. I had even dropped out of college. No, I didn't attend college. I focussed all my time and energy on this business. Years of discipline and hard work managed to train my mind, but my heart still yearned for her. As I assumed the post of the CEO, Mr. Roberts asked me if I would do a favour for him. I was glad that I could do something to heave off the burden, all he had done for me. I jumped at the offer. And he told me to marry his daughter, who is madly in love with me.

She is not, was all I could think as I got to know her. She was just a kid, who was attracted to me. But all I could do was say yes, to repay all he had done for me. It was too little. Anyways, I wasn't going to get the girl I love. Nor do I think that I'll ever fall in love again. I refused initially. But Mr. Roberts started degrading my importance there. He could be very persuasive and manipulative if he wanted to. So I said yes. And my position rised on its own back to where I was. We got engaged in a big ceremony. Does Grace know? She might not even care. Why will she? I just left her. So I got stuck with Paige. Did I mention how annoying she is?
The bell rings. I am startled out of my train of thoughts. I go upto the door and open it.

Paige Roberts stands there looking slutty. She's wearing a deep neck halter dress which leaves hardly anything to imagination. Grace would never wear anything like that. She was always very decent. Paige holds my collar and presses her chest to mine. No, I'm not turned on. But hell, I miss Grace. So when Paige kisses me and takes me to bed, I oblige.

Gracie.
I walk heavily exhausted in my penthouse. I've bought this house with every single hard earned penny. It's wooden and marble. The view is fantastic, looking over the Californian skyline. College was great, but interning at California Tribune was even more amazing. They held a lot of value of my skills and knowledge and permanently gave me a job. I change and lie down all alone on my bed. I check my phone. Nothing.

Number-deleted.
Images-stored away.
Texts-deleted.
Heart-still belongs to him.

Alastair. Years have passed. But his voice and memories are still fresh in my mind. I have Ben also, who takes such good care of me, but I'm still waiting for someone who's never going to come back in my life. I haven't seen him since so many years. Nor have I heard of him. But do I miss him still? Every day of my life. It's an empty hollow feeling.

But I still smile. Because he told me to keep smiling. I open my drawer and look at the locket and ring he gave me, kept with the letter. I don't read the letter anymore, I've finally accepted that he's gone.

Took me long enough to accept something as simple as that. I still remember the time he left. It was the darkest phase of my life. I spent the days curled up in a corner and the nights crying against the pillow. It was true pain. I did not hate him. No matter what he does, I can't hate him. I understood his situation. There were times I screamed loudly in my room, hoping he would hear me out. He never did. Once he left, he did not even turn back to look at me.

I still imagine about the day we might cross paths. Would he still look at me with the same intensity like he used to before? My body still aches for his touch. And that afternoon when he left. I've never done that with anyone after that. Traces of him are still here, with me. And the scars still remain.
He must have found someone else. Girls always loved him. I just hope that wherever he is, he is happy.

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