Heal my heart.

32

One week later...

Alastair
"Sir the invitations for your wedding are here. Ms. Paige has asked you to look at them and approve."
I groan in frustation. This shit has reached my office also.
"Take it back and say that he has approved and the cards are good." I say, not even looking at them.
"But sir-"
"Do what I've told you."
He scurried away soon after. I open my phone and go to the secret folder. I know I should delete all of this, but it feels like the only pieces of her I've with me. I scroll through pictures of her. All candids and some in which she's making wierd faces. They seem to be less, eight hundred and seventy three images are apparently not enough.
I'm getting married next week. Paige believes that the faster I marry her, the more free I'll get from Gracie's trap. She doesn't understand that I already belong to someone else.
I have to smile, laugh and do all the shit people do when they're happy. My coat is getting finalised, Paige's dress is being made and all the organizations are getting done. She's still trying so hard, getting me to sleep with her, but I've had a taste of Grace, and no one else matches her. I try to focus on work but the office is bustling with gossip and excitement. I wonder how it will be if I walk out of the wedding, all the extravagance will go to the trashcan.
I've recieved Melissa and Roland's wedding invitation which is later this year. Ivy is in talks of getting engaged to Chris. Even Stuart is courting that timid scared girl in Gracie's office. Who was she? Claire? No, she was Clara. I haven't invited any of them. Because Alastair and Grace were the couple, not Alastair and Paige. It's not even happiess that I should invite other people to celebrate with me, only Stuart will be there to be my best man. And to somehow get me through the ceremony without losing my sanity.
I looked for ways to get Paige to break up with me, but she wouldn't budge. I tried everything in the book; was rude to her, checked her up to see if she was disloyal, emphasized my flaws to her, but she clung tightly.
It was a lost battle. Maybe someday, on an empty street in fall, we might meet again. We might collide like we did so many years ago, and I might take her to the coffee shop in Seattle. She will have wrinkles, and I'll be losing my teeth. But she'll still be beautiful and I will still smile looking at her. And we would then die together, after growing old seperately. Even when her hair grows silver, I will still love her. All I want is her, once more. My anger has somehow dissolved over the last week. All that remain are the memories of her which follow me around, and her laugh which rings in my ear each night. Not regret, not anger, just reminiscence.

Gracie
"Mom please don't force me." I whine. I was going to miss office, but my loneliness might have hit back on me.
"I'm not forcing you baby. He really likes you, you have known each other since childhood, what's better than marrying a cousin?" She says through the phone.
"You know what happened with Alastair. I don't think I have the energy or even the capacity to love anyone else. And I can't love anyone else, I'm done with it. Please don't stress over this."
"You're impossible. They're coming to stay for next week. Tell me if you change your mind. Will's a good guy. Give him a chance."
"Yea mumma."
"Okay I love you. Bye. Take care."
"I love you too. Bye."
I sigh and get up from the chair. I need coffee. I get up and go outside. Two interns can be heard talking. I fill my coffee cup as I pretend not to overhear.
"Alastair sir is getting married you know?"
"With Paige Roberts, isn't it? They'll make such a power couple."
"I envy that woman! To get a husband as hot and successful as that."
"I've never seen them together but I'm sure they must be making a good pair."
"There were rumours that Gracie ma'am and Alastair sir were also dating. They went about it a lot."
"I had seen them together in a car once."
"I don't think it worked out."
"Aah let it be. I just hope that the office gets invited to their wedding."
I can't take it anymore. I try to control myself and walk briskly to my cabin. Once inside, I cry for the twentieth time that week. Why do people have to talk about it? Minding your own business has become too difficult nowadays. I miss him. So much. He didn't invite me to the wedding and I'm glad he didn't. His words, his face, his touch, it all still haunts me. My life will never be the same again.
The words of those two interns rotate about my mind. And at the spur of the moment, I make up my mind and call mom.
"Yes Grace?" She asks.
"I'm coming to Seattle next week to meet Will and his family."
"Oh god, thank you so much baby. We won't force you, I'm happy you took a good decision."
"Yes mom. I'll hang up."
"Bye."
I cut the phone and think about what I just did. Maybe I should get to meet some new people. It's not necessary that I'll start finding love immediately, considering it's not going to happen to me again. But I can certainly surround myself with people who don't know my story. Atleast then I can write a completely new story. Life is dull and drab with black and white. I can add new colours, even though the brightest one got washed away. I love you Alastair, and I always will, which is exactly why it hurts so much. To know you love someone and to know they can't be yours.