Heal my heart.

24

Gracie
I was so annoyed, furious but mostly disappointed when I came out here. Somehow it wasn't his fault, but it fucking hurt. He wouldn't tolerate it if I ever did that to him. I was planning to stay mad at him when he felt my lips with his. He kissed me, and suddenly my world was alright again. I hate myself for that. I feel pathetic that even if five years down the lane he called me at 3 am, I would pick up the goddamn phone. That's how much my mind is wrapped around him.
But then a female voice resonated through us and I could feel Alastair suddenly tense up and his body which was flushed against mine, stiffen. We seperated and there I saw Paige. Hands balled up by the side, face red and set in the most menacing scowl ever.
I look at Alastair who is looking just plain blank. I inch closer to him. Paige stalks over to us.
"While I'm waiting for you to give a damn about me, you're whoring around with this bitch?" She screams. I gasp. I don't care what she says but I'm afraid her dad might come out.
Alastair looks at her in rage. "Shut the fuck up! Mind your language and dare you say anything about her!" He wags a finger in his face.
"Oh shut your mouth. All you care about is her, only her. What about me? You were mine, I told you! How can you cheat on me and expect me not to react?"
"Paige I told you I don't love you. Did you listen? Hell no! Don't over react now."
They both are screaming at each other while I stand there awkwardly. I want to stop them but I don't find the will to. I'm being a bitch over here. Never in my life had I thought that I'll be the 'second woman'.
"End things with her. Or if my daddy gets to know, you are very well aware that it won't be good for you." She threatens him.
"We'll see to that. But you don't speak a word to him. I'll have a talk with Mr. Roberts."
"You're so dead." She gives him a murderous glare before sashaying off towards the parking lot. The dinner is officially ruined. Alastair goes inside murmuring something while I stand outside waiting for him.
What is even happening with my life? I hold my head as it spins out of control. Why does it keep happening to us? We were trying to keep it so hard, to stay together, but the stars are just not favouring us.
He walks outside. I look at him as he adjusts the watch on his hand and runs a hand through his hair. How he walks with slowly with so much of effect. He's my hero, I don't know what else. He has saved me, or else I would have drowned in my own storms of insecurities and low self esteem. He's my once-in-lifetime kind of a person. I can't lose him. If I did, I'll lose my best friend, my saviour, my love, I'll lose myself. And I can't do it, again. I don't think I have the energy or the drive to go through all that again. He comes up to me and touches my cheek,"All okay? You look pale."
All okay? Doesn't he remember which scene conspired right now?
"How can you manage to be so calm all the time? Like don't you feel anything at all?"
"Why should we stress about things we can't do anything about? I'll anyways have to break up with her. She witnessing it might just make it easier." He shrugs.
We sit in silence for a while. The tension hangs heavy in the air.
"What are you thinking?" I've been asking him that a lot lately.
"I think we should stay away."
My legs turn to ice. "You're kidding right?" My voice breaks.
"No, what I mean is that until I convince her father and Paige as well, we shouldn't meet. I won't even be in the office as I'll carry out my work from home. But for a few days, it's better to stay away." He looks straight ahead.
Can't he see that he's breaking my heart? We're connected in a deeper way, can't he feel my pain?
"Alastair don't do this baby, please. We'll work it out together, please?" I almost plead. I swallow a lump in my throat. He has pulled into the apartment complex. He turns to face me. His eyes are bloodshot and his hands are gripped so tightly on the steering wheel that they have turned white. "Can you stay away from me?" I ask.
"Can I ever?"
"Then why are you doing this? Why can't we face this together? Why can't I be by your side?"
"Because it's a battle I have to fight on my own. It's a war I pushed myself into. I have to get out of this mess."
"Since when did your problems and your battles became yours alone? We shared everything, didn't we?"
"Except fate, babydoll, we don't share the same fate."
My eyes give away and tears stream down my cheeks. His eyes show a hint of alarm and he holds my face in his hands. "Listen, I'm not giving up on you. I never will. Nor am I breaking up. Because our relationship isn't so simple that a break up will end things. We need time, you and me. It will heal wounds."
"I thought I was your healer." I whisper softly.
"Yes you are. But at times a person has to stay away from the medicine to see of he can get away with the disease."
"And what if it kills you?"
"As far as you're with me, I'll get through anything. But for now, let's stay apart."
"Why do you keep pushing me away?"
"I'm not pushing you away. This is for our own betterment. Once I speak to her father, I'll come right back to you."
"You don't get to decide my betterment. If you don't want me, just say it." I mutter angrily, pulling away from his grasp.
A storm of passion and rage brews within his eyes and he crashes his lips to mine. Bit by bit, with every lash of his tongue, I feel my issues trickling away. The kiss is full of desperation, hunger and regret. He pulls away, lips pink and swollen and looks at me square in the eye," Do you now know how much I want you?"
I close my eyes and he wipes my tears away. On a reflex, I turn on my heel and walk off towards the building, leaving another part of me with him.