Heal my heart.

7

Gracie
Tears flowed out freely from my eyes. Why is he here? After so many years, after leaving me, after tearing me apart, why does fate have to play this cruel game on me? It's unfair, and it's wrong on so many levels. Just when I thought I had moved on, just when I thought I was done, he's back all of a sudden. Only I know how I've cried for him. Not like a few tears and you're blue. I am talking about screaming at the moon and collapsing. And then his letter comes to my mind.
If it's yours, it will return.

And he did return, the only difference being that he's not mine anymore. What's more is the underlying realization that I still love him. I love him more than myself. And he was the one who taught me to love myself.
Maybe I am just really good at lying to myself. Maybe I hadn't actually moved on, but it's first love we're talking about. It is somehow always there, in some deep corner of your heart, tugging at your heartstrings. I look at myself again in the mirror. He shouldn't know that I've cried. That I'm not okay. And that he still has that kind of an effect on me. Why am I even crying? We're way past the teenage stage, I'm 25 for god's sake. Making sure my face looks perfect, I walk out.

He stands there talking to a few people, important ones. I make my way to Ivy. She almost chokes on her drink when she sees me.

"Alastair is back." She says with her eyes widening.
I roll my eyes. "I know right."
"And he wants you." She whispers looking at him over my shoulder.

"Seven years is not a short time. He probably even has someone right now." I say, hoping in my heart that it's not true.

"He's looking at you. So intense. Damn, he's got it bad Grace." She says. I resist the urge to turn around.

No Alastair, please don't do this. I might just get stuck to you like iron filings on a magnet.

"No Ivy, he doesn't. He's so successful right now. What even makes you think that he'll still chase me?"

"Grace, he chased you back in senior year, you give him one hint, he'll do it again in a heartbeat. I can see it in his eyes." She says sincerely.

"Please let's not talk about this?" I can feel excitement bubbling inside of me. Can we give this a shot?
And how could I not mention the fact that he's become so successful?

Seriously, CEO? I'm so proud of him. It is true that sometimes the people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures. This was what we got seperated for, to achieve our goals in life. So now that we've done it, can we get back together? How would that be? Will he still want me? But then there comes another realization, he probably doesn't love me anymore. He didn't even hug me when he saw me. He didn't even look affected. Once again, I'm setting myself up for heartbreak. Why do I keep doing this?

I straighten up and bravely, turn around. He shouldn't feel that I'm afraid to face him. I look at him. Bad decision. He's still looking. Our eyes meet. As they do, it feels as if the air has become lighter, and the atmosphere is a bit brighter. Cliché, I know. The air feels a bit heavy with the tension, the sizzling chemistry is still here. I look away.

We carry on about the party, each time eyes meeting for brief periods of time and words being exhanged. Nothing serious, just remnants of a previous relationship.

I take a drink in my hand and move to the balcony. Taking off my heels, I take in the Californian air. There's no one here. Only me. I hear some footsteps behind me and before I know it, someone is next to me, leaning on the balcony.

"Hey." He says.
I blush crimson. "Hi." I reply looking at him. He's smiling.
"Congratulations on being the editor in chief of TCT." He says.
"Congrats to you on being the capable CEO." I say, once again proud of him.

We're quiet for a while, imagine, we used to talk to each other for the entire night and now we have nothing to say.
We're both just smiling like idiots. The wind hits my face and my hair fly about.

"Grace, you look beautiful." He says.
My breathe hitches in my throat. And he hasn't even touched me yet.
"You too." I say.

"Beautiful?" He laughs. A clear ringing sound, just like the first time I heard him.
I blush once again. "I mean to say handsome, stunning."
He raises an eyebrow. "You've started drinking wine." He says pointing at the glass in my hand.

I shrug. And that's when I noticed the ciggy in his hand.
"Alastair you smoke?" I ask in disbelief.
He scratches his head apologetically. "I'm sorry okay." He says when I turn my face away from him. He drops the ciggy on the ground and stamps on it.
"Since when?" I ask, looking straight ahead.
"Ever since we broke apart." His voice comes all breathy.

"How's life?" I ask.
"Seriously, is that what you're asking Grace?" He chuckles.
I rub my hands together. The wind is getting colder and my dress isn't helping at all. He shuffles around and pulls of his jacket. Removing it, he places it around me. I can feel his heat emanating into me. I have so many questions, but I don't want to ruin the moment now. This is perfect. The life I've always wanted.

"How are you?" He asks.
I've been like shit ever since you left. Incomplete and despondent.
All that ever comes out of my mouth is,"I'm okay."

"I'm glad for that." He says raspily.
"And how are you doing?" I ask.
"Fine." He shrugs. He's lying, but I don't probe further. I don't have that right now. I look at his sculptured face, he's too perfect.

"Do you still go around punching people?" I ask, all of a sudden.
A chuckle escapes his throat.

"Not jealous, I'm territorial." He says, reminding me of our old conversations. We both laugh out loud. And I wish I could hold this moment in the palm of my hand forever.

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