Heal my heart.

20

Gracie
Tears streak down freely from my eyes as I sit against the wall of my lonely flat and cry. I look at the mirror in front of me. I literally have to beg myself to be strong and stop weeping. It's too difficult but. What was I even crying for? For the fact that he lied to me? But he didn't. He just hid the truth. Or was this thing what he was trying to say whenever I interrupted him? But he could have told me. Whatever is happening with me? I look at my phone which has been blinking since the last forty five minutes.
28 missed calls.
10 text messages.
-Alastair <3
I pick up my phone and delete all the texts without reading them. All must be having the same stuff in them. I wipe my face and go to the contacts.
I remove the heart emoji from his name, because he isn't anything to me anymore. I keep the phone. I pick it up again. I delete his number. It won't work, I remember his contact by heart anyways. I save the number again as Alastair Kerr Office. Strictly professional, that's what we'll be now. I shouldn't have fallen for him all over again. Seriously, I'm the only idiot to get burnt by an old flame again. How could I even think that he'll be waiting for me? Seven years, and he won't move on? That's ridiculous. The way she huddled closer to him, he was obviously in bed with her. Does he love her? Heck, why didn't he tell me? She is anyways prettier than me. He would have jumped on the first opportunity. And engagement? He must have been serious as heck about her. My phone pings again.
Baby pls giv me a chance to explain. Like talk to me, please, i beg of u. -A
I then rememer all the times he was with me. The way he looked at me like I was the best thing in the world, how he told me he loved me, how he kissed me like a man who had found an oasis in the dessert. No one but a person in love behaves like that. Was he playing around with me? He would have already used me then, he had every opportunity. The idea of Alastair cheating just doesn't suit with me. He can never cheat on anyone he loves, he is a loyal person.
But the truth doesn't change. Old feelings of his might have reignited on seeing me but at the end of the day, he is with someone else. He has settled with that Paige, whoever the heck she is. He has forgotten me. Why did he even come back in my life? God blessed me with love, took it away, gave it back to me only to steal it back again. I should be happy for him, but all I feel is a pain gnawing away within me. I feel jealous of that girl who was with him. He isn't worthy of you Gracie.
No one else is worthier of you than him.
Forget him, you deserve better.
Why better, when I already had the best?
You'll get someone else.
I don't want anyone else.
Aargh, this battle of heart and mind will kill me. He doesn't care, end of story. I feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Brick by brick, I had built up my self esteem, and it comes crashing down on me. The pain of losing him is unbearable, but the pain of losing myself along with him is killing me. I love you Alastair, and I regret it.

Alastair
I am left staring at her back as she walks away from me. Damn you Paige. I turn behind and she's glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Who was she?" She looks at me devilishly.
"Just a colleague, she told you already." Why am I still hiding the truth?
"Do not lie. I could clearly see it. Were you cheating behind my back?"
I rub my forehead with my fingers. I have to take the plunge now.
"She was Gracie-"
"Oh your ex? The one who gave you that diary?"
Fury courses through me. "How dare you go through my personal stuff without my permission?"
"Oh shut the fuck up! You don't have any right to be angry with me! Why was she here? Tell me quick." She yells.
"She's my co head in the office, the editor in chief of TCT. I met her again and I couldn't stay away from her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I still love her." I get it all out.
She is raging by now. "That bitch-"
I move forward and point a finger at her, she reluctantly huddles behind. "Don't say anything about Grace. Respect her. She's my girl."
Paige looks scared, but she is still practically fuming. I grab my jacket and go the park below. Consistently, I call her and drop her messages. She isn't responding to any of those. Come on Grace, open your eyes and see, I still am madly in love with you.
I go back to the apartment and see Paige sitting very calmly there. I ignore her and move to take my car keys when she speaks from behind me,"Do whatever you want, but the media knows we're engaged. It will be a big blow to your reputation. Take the risk carefully."
"I don't give a fuck." I say without even looking at her.
"Just remember what my dad will do. You're indebted to him, you have to repay whatever he has done for you. Just know that when my daddy will get to know, he will drop you from the CEO to the position of a peon."
I close my eyes to control my temper. "He won't. He isn't as wicked as you."
"Oh he isn't." She laughs. "But he'll do anything for his daughter."
I'm reminded of all the times he'd threatened me about Paige. I fall back in my steps. I might just lose everything for Gracie, but then how will I be worthy of her? And if I do give up everything for her, all those years of hard work, for which I had even left my love, will be a waste.
I remove my jacket and sit there contemplating, I have to do something. Maybe convince Paige or make some plan. But what if I have to let go of Grace? Fuck, I'll have to. My heart, toughened by rigorous emotional training, gives away and collapeses into a million little pieces.