I Will Wait...(A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 15

I carefully take a seat next to you. I don’t say a word.

I reach for the letter. I attempt to open it but have trouble because my hands are shaking so badly. After a few tries, I finally get it open. I pull out your letter, your familiar hand writing jumps out at me. Taking a big breath, I begin to read.

Dear Harry,

Oh Harry where do I begin? I love you so much. I’m sorry it has to be like this. I bet you are sitting under our big oak tree. Remember the first time we went there? It was so nice out but then a little storm came through. We laughed and danced in the rain... You would always take me there after a bad day. We would run around and chase each other like we were kids. Anyways, I know you feel like it’s your fault but it isn’t, if anything it’s mine. I already know you are going to beat yourself up for not being home when I passed out. Please don’t do that babe. I should have told you about the sepsis. I guess I didn’t tell you because the doctor told me it was just an infection to the kidneys and I didn’t want you to worry. He said that some medication should fix it, but obviously it didn’t. I didn’t respond to the medication and it caused my kidneys to start failing and now it is spreading to other organs... I’m too weak to even speak. The doctor will give you all the details when you wake up. Right now you are asleep in the little chair they have in here. Your head is hanging off the back and your mouth is open. You look pitiful, yet peaceful. You always look like an angel when you sleep. You never believe me when I say it but you do. 

I can’t imagine how you feel while reading this. Harry I want you to know, please do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. I know how you are and you always blame yourself when something goes wrong. This is just a part of life. Its rubbish but shit happens.

I just hope you know how much I love you Harry. You are and will always be the best part of my life. You saved me. I had nothing but then you came in and I had a family. Anne has been like a mum to me and you… You have been a friend, a lover, a shoulder to cry on, a little laugh I needed to get through the day. You have always been there for me. And right now you are too. You are going to hold on to me as long as you can. But at some point you have to let go…

Promise you won’t forget the little things. Don’t forget how many steps there are to the diner. Don’t forget the sound of my voice. Don’t forget the way you felt when I was around. Don’t forget our late nights, the fights, the tears, the laughs, the stolen kisses, and our moments of passion.

Harry you have a big heart and I want you to use it. I know you are going to think this is crazy but please find someone else. You have too big of a heart to go to waste. That is what makes you so special. It will take you awhile but eventually you will find love again. When you find this girl, treat her like a princess. Open doors for her, play with her hair, give her little kisses on the cheek, and take her dancing. Knowing you it won’t happen. BUT if it does, promise me you will do that.

Also promise you will take care of Louis. He needs you. He runs around so much, he wears himself down. I know he won’t be able to make it to the funeral. Let him know it is okay and that I love him.

There are just a few more things I want to let you know.

I love the way you smile. I love how you sing off-key to me. I love how you kiss the tip of my nose because you know I love it. I love how protective you are of me. I love how you are so great to your best friend. I love how you look at me with so much passion. I love the way you whisper my name. I love the way you dance around our flat. I love the way your curls fall over your forehead. I love the way you hold on to me. I love how when you kiss me it’s like you will never kiss me again. I love how much you love me. I love you.