Unhinged Love

CHAPTER 72

Spending time with my man makes me feel so safe, secured and content. Like I never want to return to a place without him by my side. It makes me even forget there is Healthy Eats out there. The kind of love-bomb that you get from him is a good kind. The kind that is associated with the reassurance that even if you fall, he will catch you. I am not even afraid of doing something stupid in his presence because I know he loves me and won’t get annoyed by me. I am not even afraid to speak my mind and I am not even afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ if I am really not familiar with that subject. He is just safe place that every woman deserves. But I am not sharing though. Everyone should find their own Melisizwe out there.

Initially, he wanted us to go quad biking like most couples do when they visit Cape Town and I was very eager to go until I got my periods and started feeling some period pains. So, we had to stay in and watch movies in the indoor theatre because I am in a mood. Yes, the villa comes with an indoor cinema, imagine. I asked if we could watch the 365 days trilogy because I have never watched it before. I know I am the worst.

“I just don’t understand women’s appeal with gangsters. This man leads a dangerous life. His father was killed in front of him, and he also caught a bullet. Then his wife was also shit in front of him. Make me understand how you guys fawn over him.” That’s his argument as we finish the last movie. It was a bad idea because you know how high our emotions get when we are on our periods. As well as our hormones. But if you have cramps, sex is the last thing on your mind.
“Babe, forget about the lifestyle that he leads.” I start off but he shakes his head.
“It is kind of hard to ignore if it endangers my family.” He is taking this personal. I hold his hand.

“Women do care about their safety and well-being. But Mnguni, Massimo is like you, excluding the killer persona. He is someone that is obsessed with Laura. That is all about Laura. His world revolves around that girl, even though sometimes he can’t express his feelings well enough. And he also gives mind-blowing sex. That’s all we want as women. Someone who will spoil us, be obsessed with us and give us great sex. Well, we also want communication and affection and all the motions but I would breathe better and walk with my head held up high knowing my man burns for me and he gives it to me good anytime I want.”

“When you put it like that…” he brings me over to his lap and I giggle as he kisses my neck. I am ticklish. “I understand, in a way. I guess you guys love to be possessed in that way.”

“Well, not all of us. Firstly, I wouldn’t want a man who will dictate my every move and get upset if I don’t follow his rules. I need my man to understand that I am a complete person outside this relationship. That I am an independent person and I am my own person. And I need my man to be fine with my success and not be jealous of it. I need him to celebrate my wins and not be threatened by them. And I don’t need him to know my whereabouts at all times and get insecure when he can’t find me on the phone.”

“You just gave me the manual to loving you right.” I laugh. I was not intending to give him the scope, but it just slipped.
“So, imagine my anger if you knew all that and still did something that you know is a hard luck for me.”

“Listening is a skill I learned early in life, my love. And also, I am not a pushover. I won’t say I get it if I don’t. as much as I am in love with you, I won’t hold back or compromise my values if they clash with yours or something like that.” We have never had a conversation like this and I love it. I love this bonding time. It is a really good exercise for our relationship.

“And what are your hard passes?” I ask and he looks up for a second before looking back at me.
“I can never tolerate a woman that is rude to me or others. Emotional abuse is something I often experienced in my marriage but I never told anyone about it or never made it a thing but I vowed to never take it lightly in the future and address it as soon as I see it happening. I need my woman to be passionate about something and have long term goals that make sense. That’s already covered.” I chuckle. But my heart goes out to him about the emotional abuse thing. I guess it is a topic that we will talk about in the near future.

“I am a very jealous man, Ntokazi. So, I don’t believe in the concept of male besties. If you are going somewhere not locally, I expect you to communicate with me even if we are fighting. Also, I don’t like fighting. If we disagree on anything, we will speak like adults and solve it. If you are being stubborn, I will drive to wherever you are and fuck you until you see reason.” Damn. There was no need for that threat. I whimper and he smiles.

We continue our chat and I learn a lot about the kind of man he is. He is a Zulu man through and through, that’s undisputable. But he is also such a teddy bear who hates conflict. Gosh, I love this man.

“A friend of mine wanted to come and see me, just to have dinner. I haven’t seen him in ages. But I told him that we can’t host him and his guest tonight since you are not feeling well. I don’t want to put you in any kind of pressure where you have to put up appearances for me. We will see him some other time if we come back here or if he comes to KZN.”

I quickly shake my head. “No. invite him over. You haven’t seen him in a while and you have also had dinner with my friends. It is only fair I have dinner with yours and his guest. I am okay, babe. And if I get some discomfort during dinner, I will take my meds and be fine. I promise.”

He sighs. “Are you sure? I don’t want to put you in an awkward position. Your health and your wellbeing are a priority to me.”
I smile. “And I appreciate that, Mnguni. But I will be fine. You, however, wont. Because you will cook dinner. But don’t worry, you have the best teacher in your lap.”
He chuckles. “That’s man abuse. But fine. I will tell him about the changes.” I haven’t even met his family, officially. So, this will be nerve wrecking. But I am prepared to step into his world, in a sense.

×××

Cooking with Melisizwe, or better yet, watching him cook, is the best thing after sliced bread. I actually set up a live video and people have been commenting and engaging on our session. They throw in some suggestions while others ask for clarity. Him and I also talk about his youth before he got married. It sounds like he was a very naughty young man but he grew up, so no concerns here. I use his phone to take a couple of photos. After he is done cooking, I end the live video but not before checking the number of people tuned in. we actually had 32k people viewing us. People love him shame.

After that, I help him set up the table, even though he doesn’t want me lifting a thing. Him being this cautious about me in my periods makes me wonder how careful he would be if I were to carry his baby. But we are not there, yet. We take a shower and then get dressed in nice evening wear. I am wearing a black long sleeved bodycon dress because I don’t feel comfortable wearing another colour if I am on my periods. I pair the dress with sandals and just do a minimal face beat. My man is also looking very handsome in black short sleeved shirt and black chinos with takkies. I know he went casual because of my dress code. Otherwise, he is more than happy to wear a suit when having dinner.

I wait on the lounge while he goes to welcome his guests. Soon after, voices near the lounge area and I think my ears are deceiving me until I turn and look straight into the devil’s eyes. I stand frozen in place as our eyes meet and his face transform from shock to wonder. My body starts shaking and I slowly take a step back. The last straw is when he opens his mouth and utters a name long forgotten. A name associated with pain, turmoil and suffering.

“Lungiswa.” As soon as that name leaves his mouth, I flee. Running out of this godforsaken place. Not even knowing where I am going. but running. Away from this place. Away from him.