Catharsis || Lashton AU - boyxboy

26. libération

"It's the hardest road to follow,
I really wish that I could call you,
You can find another me tomorrow,
And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe."
-Lil Dicky ft. Brendon Urie, Molly

l.h.

I wondered what the difference between Miles and I was.

I wondered if he had ever lost someone in his family and I wondered if he had ever suffered a mental illness and I wondered if he had ever lost a best friend. I wondered if he had ever been faced with a dilemma in which he seemed to carry cancer with him everywhere he went. I wondered if he had ever felt like everyone around him was dying and it was his fault. I wondered if he had ever felt like he needed to be locked away just to keep his friends safe. He seemed to retain the knowledge of someone who had done all these things, but he didn't seem to carry the right darkness it required.

I wondered if he had ever loved someone that only ever burned him.

I wondered if he had ever loved someone who he only ever burned.

I wondered a lot of things I found myself too afraid to ask while I was seated across from him in Joe's, a coffee shop on the other side of the city from where I worked.

I wasn't quite sure how we ended up here at nine o'clock at night, let alone why it was still open. I was seated across from him drinking a cup of slightly burnt coffee, while he stirred his tea with a stick and didn't say anything. We were the only ones there, and it was silent between us, but it was nice, because it didn't feel tense the way it was with...well, most people these days.

He inhales heavily and holds the breath for a moment, cheeks puffed out slightly and eyes fixated on this swirls in his tea. He held the handle with one hand and stirred it with the other, but he didn't seem anxious. Not like I was. He seemed collected and content, and I wondered what was on his mind. More so, I wondered how he maintained such a simple composure.

He exhaled after a moment and moved his eyes to mine. Neither of us were surprised when he caught my eyes already fixed on him.

"What were you doing at that park tonight, Luke?" he asked after a moment, cocking his head slightly. His hair flipped slightly, revealing the small, black headband hidden amongst his curls. It was a dorky accessory, but I admired it. He seemed too perfect at first glance. The headband brought the pieces together and calmed my nerves.

I shrugged. I didn't want to tell him why I was really there. "Going for a walk."

He sipped his tea slowly and held the cup for a moment. "Alright." he nodded. He placed his tea back down and looked at me intently. No one said anything for a moment, and the silence began to feel uncomfortable. He let go of the cup completely before patting down his pockets and furrowing his eyebrows. "Do you happen to have your wallet on you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows to match his and shook my head. "No, why?"

His eyes widened at my quick response. "Alright." he said again. "Actually, never mind, I think I've got some cash on me." He pulled out a ten and dropped it on the table. "Why don't you call us a cab?"

I chewed my lip nervously and placed the cup of coffee down that I had barely touched, despite having been holding it since I got it. "I don't have my phone on me, either."

He sat back in his seat, his lips pressed into a straight line, the rest of his face expressionless. He grabs back onto the handle of his tea, but doesn't bring it to his lips yet. "We could walk back to yours and I could call a cab from there."

I scoffed when I realized what he was doing. I'd been friends with Noël long enough to identify a profiler when I saw one, and that's exactly what Miles was doing. He knew damn well why I was in that park. He just wanted to reassure himself. In response to my scoff, he looked at me with his eyebrows raised innocently. I leaned back in my seat, mirroring him.