They Love It More When Its Broken~ P.S

Chapter 1

Hey, so before I start this chapter, I want to say that I will be doing shoutouts and they will be at the end of the chapter, Please don't ship the whole chapter though or I'll stop writing :) Enjoy :))

5 months later

I guess everyone would say that you'd be over something as serious as what Jack did by now, truth is, I'm not and still nobody knows, I mean, Joe knows that something is wrong and so does my whole family but they don't know what and I don't plan to tell them. One of the things I remember Jack saying was that if I told anyone he'd find me and I'd be dead, I'm scared, those words keep creeping up on me and that scares me. I keep having flashbacks and nightmares every night. My parents have been saying that my anxiety will get better if I do something to take my mind off my thoughts, like go on tour with my brothers band. It sounded fun when it gets said out loud but truth is, I'd rather be huddled up in my room, earphones in and listening to my music to comfort me, I want to be alone but I know that my parents won't let me stay hid away any longer, they're worried, as is Joe, I can hide it easily though, I've always had to mask my real emotions and I've always wore the happy and jolly mask, its hard to find that happy mask now, I have days where I can't find it, they are the worst days and everyone knows it by just looking at me.

I'd packed most of my things for the tour, we were going to be flying to London and our flight left in 4 hours, I was all packed and we were meant to be being picking up the rest of the guys in this car that had blacked out windows, I guess it was all part of being in a famous band, Joe didn't really want to go in a car like that, he kinda just wanted to be normal, in a normal car or something but nobody wanted them to get attacked by mad fangirls, which made me laugh when Joe told me that.

I sat in the garden, watching the clouds go by, letting the cold breeze blow my hair everywhere, it was actually refreshing, I'd done this a lot recently, it helped, it blew all the bad thoughts and all my demons away until I went back inside, no matter how hard I tried to get the thoughts away, they'd come back and flood me with flashbacks.

I heard footsteps on the yard patio behind me.

'Hey, the car arrived, I've put your stuff in the car already with mine and the car has already picked Andy up, we just need to pick Patrick and Pete up, Patrick is at Pete's house anyway so just 1 stop then the airport.' Smiled Joe. 'Oh Jess, please tell me whats the matter.' 

I force a smile. 'Nothing, I was just thinking. Ok, lets go get Peterick.' I grin, earning a laugh from Joe.

We give kisses to our parents and lots of hugs, before getting in the car with Andy.

'See you in 3 months!' Shouts Joe as we drive down the road, further and further away from the house, until we have stopped outside Pete's house.

I chuckle to myself as Patrick pulls a suitcase out the house with ease and Pete nearly trips over the step between the outside and the inside of the house. Joe saw me laughing and frowned.

'Whats funny?' He asks

'Pete nearly tripped over.' I giggled. Before Joe could reply, Pete was shoving all the suitcases and bags into the back of the car and Patrick had got in and sat next to me, a big grin pinned to his face.

'Hey Jess, how are you, we haven't like, spoke in ages.' Grinned Patrick.

'I'm good thanks.' I lie, I know that I'm not okay but if I say I'm not then everyone will want to know whats the matter and I don't think I'm ready to tell everyone about 'that night'. Patrick smiles at me, twisting in his seat and opening his arms, mentally asking if I wanted a hug. I accepted and fell into his chest as Patrick gave me a big bear hug, Patricks hugs were the literal bests.

The airport that we were going to was 25 minutes away, I plugged my earphones into my ears and pressed shuffle on my ipod, the first song that came on was 'Still Into You' by Paramore, it was one of my faves and I let a smile bend my lips upwards, I laid my head on Patrick shoulder, Patrick smiled and rested his head onto mine, I wanted to close my eyes but I knew that I couldn't because every time I do, the images from the night of the attack appear in my head and I can see everything that happened that night.

I was knocked out of my thoughts, as I heard Pete complaining about something, I heard Joe tell him to shut up and I felt Patrick chuckle. 

My music suddenly came back into life after being silent from the end of a song, the song that came on was 'The Promise' by Emma Blackery, that song always seemed to make me feel a bit happier, it made me think that at least someone cared about me, Emma always made me feel just a little bit better about myself but not even Emma could make me stop feeling that the attack was all my fault, everytime I thought about the attack, it makes me feel sick, shivery and scared, I don't even know where Jack is anymore, which is the scary part, I worry that if I go out he'll find me and it will happen all over again. Just thinking back to that night, made my eyes fill with tears and I guess Patrick saw.

'Hey, whats the matter.' Whispered Patrick, pulling me into a sideways hug, I gave him a weak smile.

'Nothing, I just, I'm gonna miss this town while we're away for 3 months.' I blatently lie, Patrick didn't look convinced.

'Look, Jess, we're really good friends, like, best friends, you can tell me anything, I swear, I won't judge you.' 

'Patrick, I know, I'm telling you the truth.' I smile at Patrick, then laying back down on his shoulder, drowning in my music

And I may not even know your name,
But I promise you I've felt the same.
As you do right now, you'll make it somehow
And even if you feel as though you have no friends
Except the blade that cuts your skin
You're better than this, you're worth more than this

So, the person I'm gonna shoutout from Instagram is dancollarbones, she is always active and liking my posts and yeah, the shoutout goes to her, she also is waiting for this chapter so she'll see this :)

Remember to vote, comment, follow me and add to library

Also, help me get 2k on my fan account fob_phan_world, I'm half way there, so if you haven't yet followed, go give it a follow :) also, tweet me CaitElisexx :)

-C A I T L I N

p.s. I don't proof read so sorry for any mistakes I made or any typos :)