Blue Eyed Bambi

Ch.11

Willa^

I remember reading the Great Gatsby when I came across this quote, "The loneliest moment in someones life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they could do is stare blankly," I didn't get it because I've never felt lonely, I had my mom to help me cope with my dad's death and Finn and Bella. But, once you truly have no one, that's when you feel like shit.

This is my loneliest moment, here in my beat up car. Kaden sadly seems to be the strongest crush I've ever had, and I feel as though no one should be able to hear or feel what I am feeling right now, deep down I know Kaden feels something towards me, but he can't even try to show he does. Screw him for not trying.

I also know he's broken because of something that has happened in his past. Such a beautiful broken boy doesn't deserve this cruel world. If only he would let me in. I could help him. I could help him learn how to love. He doesn't even have to love me, he could love someone else. As long as he loves something. I feel as though I may be dramatizing this entire situation and that my brain needs to stop going on tangents, but I can't stop thinking about everything.

In my mind I know he's cruel and he is going to hurt me, but I'm trying to find ways to defend him. I don't know if I'd call this love or an extreme liking but, I love the little boy that I met when I was 8 and I love the heartbreaker he became.

I'm near bawling when I reach Finns house. When I get out of my car I see Finn waiting for me by her house door, "Willa.."

"I want to go to sleep."

"Willa... let's talk later okay?"

-

Kadens POV

How can a girl mean so much to me? As I sit here on my porch I remember Willas face, her tears made me want to go to my knees and beg for her forgiveness. Her eyes were so blue when she was crying, they resembled the ocean. The longer I looked into them the more I wanted to be with her.

I head upstairs into my room, thinking about all the things that happened today. Why did I kiss her? It's so shitty, the feeling I get from her but the feeling I know I shouldn't have. It's just shitty.

I rethink my past going through all the shitty moments. Why did they do this to me. 'There's no such thing as a better existence' bull shit. If I could choose a better existence it would be with Willa and without them. I always wondered why I can't let go of everything.

Standing up I begin to pace my room. Why does Willa want me to open up? You can't change someone's personality in under twenty four hours. It's better to act like a douche so no one pays attention to your actions. But good hearted Willa had to try and fix me, I am sick and tired of them trying to fix me, I am not some broken toy.

I pick at my nails as I think and think and think. I know I've had an obsession with Willow Colt since I laid my eyes on her, an unhealthy one at that. She looks so fragile. Her doe eyes mean the world to me and I love every inch of them. I love her awkwardness, but how bold she can be at the same time. The way she walks is enticing and the way she can suck me in with a simple snarky comment baffles me. I feel as though I've been friends with her for years but in reality I just started to know her.

Maybe I do love her.
-

Willas POV

When we get inside I head straight upstairs with Finn in tow after she grabbed some bowls of ice-cream. I jump in Finns bed going under the covers, while Finn decides to sit next to me on the bed.

I explain everything that has happened and pull the sheets over me.

"I had this coming.." I mutter under the covers.