Human Canvas :: a.i [slow updates]

Chapter 11

Pretty pls try not to make After references in this chapter lol it makes me uncomfortable, I'm sooooo sorry :-( thanks ily
____

A tight black dress, fitting my not so thin figure, is probably something that I never thought I would wear. Yet, here I am, looking in the mirror and seeing what looks like a beautiful, confident girl, with a sense of style, and most importantly, sense of self.

I sigh, remembering how Nicole almost bullied me into buying this ridiculously expensive and amazingly sexy piece of black cloth.

"Look at your ass! You look so fine! You have to buy that dress." Nicole said, with a tone brushing authority.

I don't know what it's like to feel sexy, I barely know how it is to feel remotely good about myself, but this dress brings out a comfortable spark of confidence, just enough to boost my self-esteem to a level that I've never experienced.

Ashton told me to dress fancy, and I hope this is not too much.

I don't know what type of people will be there, and I don't know the level of fancy that awaits me. Is it fancy or... fancy fancy?

Either way, I don't have any other dresses or presentable clothes to wear.
And it's not like this simple dress is not appropriate.

It goes down to my knees in a sophisticated slim fitting thin fabric, and the sleeves finish just above my elbows.

The cleavage is not too exposed, there's only too much skin showing, and my breasts don't look as small as they normally do, which is a good thing.

My tummy is not flat, it's jiggly and noticeable, and the love handles are a tad bit more prominent than usual due to the fitting of the dress, but I try to shrug it off and remind myself that a soft tummy and thick thighs aren't a bad thing, not even when you're wearing a dress that's "not appropriate for your body type, chubby girls!"

Both my shoulders and hips are wide, but hopefully not too much.

My body - nor my face - go by today's standards of gracious, thin, European beauty, and I can't lie, I'm self-conscious most of the time.

I fall in between two ends, in every sense.
I'm not fat, I'm not thin. I'm not beautiful, nor am I ugly.

I'm in these in between states of everything, physically, emotionally and personality wise. It's like, if we lived in a black and white world, I'd walk around wearing grey.

I'm never sure about what I am.

I sigh yet again and look through the shoes on my closet.

There's an infinite amount of pairs, but what can I say, I like owning shoes that I wouldn't wear in any occasion.

I ponder of what's the best choice: my red stilettos or my baby pink ones.

Choosing an appropriate outfit for a certain occasion can be so hard.

I opt for the pinkish nude shoes, since the dress will most likely already be the center of too much attention for my like.

My hair is up in a simple ponytail, with a few loose strands and a lovely carefree look.

I fix my simple makeup and soft lipstick, and then proceed to analyze the complete look, shocked at how above average I look.

I grab my clutch and check my phone, looking for texts from Ashton.
There is none, and I contemplate whether or not I should pop him a message asking when he'll be here.

Yes, I'm early, we're not supposed to meet until twenty minutes from now, but my chest is jumping up and down at such a rapid pace that I feel like I need to talk to Ashton to make sure everything's okay and he hasn't changed his mind about taking me with him.