Human Canvas :: a.i [slow updates]

Chapter 16

The faint smell of a familiar scent invades my nostrils and I'm able to recognize it in a heartbeat. It's Ashton, only his smell can make my hands sweat and my heart beat this fast. He's the only person who's smell won't leave my mind, and I swear that at times I truly believe that he's standing near me, for I can feel that comforting scent in my mind, invading every cell on my body, making my heart rate accelerate.

I turn around hesitantly and am faced with Ashton, who's hand is reaching out for me. He quickly goes back to normal and smiles sweetly. I return the smile and try not to focus too much on what to say or what to do. After all, the lines are kind of blurred between us and I might be about to break his heart if he likes me, which, to be honest, he probably doesn't.

Should I hug him? Should I ignore the fact that his cheeks are deep red and he's fidgeting his fingers like crazy?

"Hi." I finally break the silence between us and his eyes shoot up at mine, a smile appearing on his nervous features.

"Hello, Alma."

And the silent settles in again, this time even more awkward than it was before, and I swear I am about to leave if he doesn't decide to say something.

I know I should be the one taking the initiative, I should be the one taking him by his hand and sit with him somewhere comfortable so we can talk about everything that happened and will happen furher on. But I simply can't get myself to do that. It seems selfish, and well, it is, but I can't bring my sweaty hands to touch his.

"Everything alright?" He asks when I spend too much time facing the floor instead of facing him. I force my chin up to face him and he looks worried, like he can't cope with the fact that I'm barely saying any words at all.

I nod quickly and realize that it's pointless to postpone this. I have to talk to him, ask him what he expects from me and put everything on the table. I need to let it out but hopefully not hurt him.

"I think we need to talk." I blurt out once my mind starts overflowing with ecoherent thoughts.

He nods disappointingly. Somehow my voice let the worry in me trespass. I just hope I don't hurt him. Telling him the truth is going to be difficult, I know the words are going to get caught in my throat, and anticipating his words of sincere disappointment are going to hurt like a knife through my spine. But I hope I don't hurt him.

"Let's go to my car?" He suggests, not caring that we're already late for class. I suppose that like me, he just wants to get this over with.

I nod, and we slowly start making our way to the big gates of school. Ashton reaches out for my hand, and I know I can't decline his affectionate gesture. I simply don't want to. I miss his warm touch in contrast to my cold one, I miss his fingers intertwinig with mine. I miss him.

I hop into his car and start fidgeting with my fingers, avoiding commenting on the subject we're supposed to be talking about. Ashton shuts his door in a loud bang and I can feel his eyes set on me, waiting for something to come out. Should I do it slowly? Or rip it off like a band aid? I smile at him and something in me starts melting when he smiles back. But I'm quickly put back in the place in which I have to speak.

"It was amazing," I say, refering to Saturday night but feeling like it isn't necessary to specify it, "but I'm not ready."

His eyes, once filled with hope are suddenly attacked by a wave of what seems like... fear?

I allow my gaze to fall back to my nervous fingers, and I hear the beat of my heart starting to pick up.

"I'm sorry I lead you in, I didn't mean it." I say, and prepare to explain myself but am interrupted by Ashton, who's cheeks are flushed red.

"It's really unfair what you're doing, you know." He says calmly and coolly, and I nod quickly, agreeing with him.

"Yes, I know, but-"

"But nothing... I told you I really liked you and I thought you liked me too and now you tell me you don't." he says in a defeating tone, "I didn't sleep at all last night, waiting for today, the day I'd see you again and kiss you and hold you."

I frown, "I never said I don't like you! Hell, I'm crazily and shamelessly into you, but I'm just not ready for any kind of relationship right now." I almost yell, feeling a bit attacked.

He can't just start putting words in my mouth. I like him, I like him so much, and this is just as difficult for me as it is for him.

He smiles and reaches out for my hand, pulling me in the direction of his lap. I squirm and manage to sit next to him, resting my head on his shoulder and hugging his torso. "I'm sorry," I mumble.

"Don't be," he quickly states, kissing the top of my head in a sweet gesture, "I understand, I guess. I'm not exactly ready myself."

I nod. It's so amazing how a conversation with Ashton can go so smoothly. He's so understanding and sweet and I feel like he would never mistreat me.

"Just friends?" I ask, popping my head up and smiling at him.

"Just friends."

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i guess i'm back!!!!! but only kinda

i'm sorry i made a come back out of nowhere and with such a shitty update lmao what even is this this is short and terrible but it was just to let you know that i will SLOWLY start to update again and Human Canvas is not forgotten!!

thank you for being so patient with me, and PLEASE vote and comment so I can have motivation bc my motivation is currently at 0

check out my new stories as well!!

Love,

Claudia