Human Canvas :: a.i [slow updates]

Chapter 2

I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder as I carefully walked down the school hallway, scanning my surroundings in hopes of finding my friends.

This day is being really exhausting already. The first day of any semester is supposed to be the day you reunite with your friends, and remind the teachers of how much hate they have for you, for talking in class. But instead, I have only been with Audrey, who I have seen every day for the last two weeks of the holidays - and got a shit ton of work.

I guess I'll never get used to the idea of College. It's been almost two years and nothing is like they said it would be. I don't feel at all free or happy, enjoying the first years of adulthood or whatever the hell they talk about. I am not an adult. Not in this society at least. I still have parents that control me, even though I barely even see them. Yes I can get tattoos, buy alcohol and stay up until late hours. But honestly, if this is what they call freedom and adulthood, I'd rather stay a teenager and have my parents pay for everything. But of course, we all know that you're not an adult until you're twenty-five.

Not to talk about the overwhelming passions you're suppose to have until you find the one. At the age of nineteen, I've never had a boyfriend nor have I been in love. I never craved the quarterback on the football team; I'd be doomed if I had ever dared to. I was always an average girl that had a few friends and average looks. I have always, and most likely ever will, live an average life. But that's not the point.

I remember Audrey having a boyfriend. I remember roaming through the halls, rushing to the classrooms fifteen minutes late and seeing couples hand in hand or kissing. I remember smiling when a boy would take his girlfriend to her classroom, so he was sure that she would get there safe and they could spent as much time together as possible. I remember experiencing secondhand love, if that's even a thing.

Not until the eleventh grade that I felt the need to have a love for myself. Something that I could actually feel and not just look at; that happened because my parents both decided that their work at the hospital was more important than the few hours they spent with me per day. During that time I went to a lot of parties and drank a lot to numb the loneliness. But it was just a phase though. I later found out that I didn't need love. Not the amounts that I was asking for. Having a couple of friends was good for me.

But I still wonder what it's like, to have someone's lips pressed against yours like you're the ocean and they're drowning beneath you, to feel the intensity and immensity of passion. Is it like they describe it? I bet it's even better.

One day you'll find someone and share a deep and important connection with. Audrey's voice echoes in my head. I don't doubt those words, but I wonder if after all this time alone, if I would accept to share something with anybody.

After what could have been minutes of thinking, I was able to brush off all of my somewhat deep thoughts and get back to reality. I was standing in an empty hallway, my back against a cold wall and I felt like all of my strength was leaving me, my knees

getting weak and slowly giving up, making me slide down the wall. I seriously need to stop getting so caught up in my thoughts and realize that there's shit to do.

Once I hit the ground, I took my phone out of the pocket of my jeans to check the time. Of course the halls are empty, it's lunch time and I hadn't even realized it.

I got up quickly and headed to the closest washroom to wash my hands. I looked in the mirror and saw a pair of red cheeks and big brown - and boring - eyes staring back at me, and I thought I looked rough. I quickly fixed up my makeup and washed my hands. I never knew why but I always felt the need to look nice when I was meeting my friends, mostly after two weeks apart.