Hearts Afar

...19...

...19...



It’s been two months since Clay told me about my dad. It hurt to see his dog tags and I thought my mom and sisters were going to have some kind of break down. I explained to them and they said that they understood why Clay waited. They even went as far to tell me that I should forgive Clay. I did want to forgive him and two months should have been long enough, but I just couldn’t look past it. I’ve not hardly talked to him or Brent when I go over to the house.

Tonight I was taking Hannah to her schools Halloween party. Mikey said that the whole thing was for babies and he would rather stay at home and play games with Brent and Clay. I went over there a little early to help Hannah with her costume. She was going dressed as a southern belle and I had to curl her hair to perfection. Apparently the best costume won some kind of prize and she was in it to win it.

As I walked up the porch, I heard footsteps walking out. I looked up and saw Brent standing there. He was hurt, it was clear in his eyes. I have never stayed upset with someone for so long but Brent knew, he could have told me to. He stared at me and I stared right back. We stood like that for a few minutes before I made my move to go in and to Hannah’s room. Just as I got to the door, Brent blocked me and leaned in close to me.



    “I’m only going to say this once so listen up. Clay did what he thought best for you. When he realized who you were, it just about killed him. I have never seen him so distraught over anything in my entire life. If you want to stay pissed at me fine, but Clay doesn’t deserve what you’re putting him through.”

    “What I’m putting him through?” I laughed. “Last time I checked the two guys that I trusted more than anything kept a pretty big secret from me,” I said, trying to keep the tears from falling. “Telling me that they know what happened to my father because it was there fault. How do you think that feels, Brent? Have you lost a parent? Last time I checked, your parents are still quite in love and doing great. My father was ripped from me because he was trying to keep us safe.” 

    “Clay was tore up from the time he found out about you being Hen’s daughter. If it’s any consolation, he talked about his girls all the time. One of the last things he ever said to us was that it was okay to cry and not to hold it back. Maybe that’s your problem, you’ve held to much back and that’s making you a b***h,” he said, anger dripping in his words. I gasped at his words and slapped him across the face.

    “Well, I’m glad I’ve found out how you truly felt about me. And here I thought you cared about me. All the hugs, flirting and whatnot. Thanks for telling me now,” I cried and ran inside.



I vaguely heard Clay calling out for me as I ran upstairs and to the bathroom. I thought I was on the verge of actually sitting and talking to them for some answers and Brent went and pulled something like this. When I calmed myself down enough, I opened the door and was facing Clay. He opened his mouth to talk but I held my hand up to stop him.



    “Don’t. I am not in the mood right now. Your friend has already spoke on your behalf and I don’t believe there is anything else to say,” I told him.



I turned to walk away from him and headed towards Hannah’s room. Hannah was already sitting on her floor and holding a curling iron. I walked over and plugged it into the outlet. I told her not to touch anything while I went back out to find some hair spray. When I didn’t find any in the bathroom, I walked to Caroline’s room. She was tossing a little in her bed so I went to check on her. She blinked her eyes open and when she saw me, she smiled.



    “You are such a sweet girl, Claire. I am so glad you walked into our lives,” she whispered.

    “Me too,” I smiled at her.

    “I’m so sorry you had to find out the way you did.”

    “I’m just glad I found out. You have someone else who can be strong for you.”

    “Claire, I know about the thing Clay kept from you,” she said.

    “Caroline, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

    “I know honey but please sit and listen to me for a minute,” she pleaded with her eyes. When I saw that she wasn’t going to let it go, I sat down on the edge of her bed. “Clay cares about you, Claire. More than you will ever know. When he found out that he was linked to you, it about tore him up. He would talk to me for days about it and I told him that he needed to tell you but to make sure you all were alone.

    “I didn’t think that he would chose such an event as the dance to tell you. It has been eating him alive for days. He really does care about you, Claire. I know my son so believe this as the truth. He will care about you until his dying day. He cares about you more than a friend. I would say that he’s on his way to loving you,” she said.



I just sat there for a minute in total silence. How could Clay start to love me? I treated him horribly and I have hardly talked to him in two months. After thinking for a few more minutes, I asked Caroline if she had any hair spray in her bathroom and when she said she did, I grabbed it and walked back out to the hallway. When I was walking back to Hannah’s room, I heard Clay yelling at Brent.



    “I told you to stay out of it, Brent.”

    “Dude, I’m looking out for you.”

    “She’s the one who lost him. Sure, he was our friend but he was her dad. You remember everything that he told us about her. She’s strong and this is the best way she knows how to deal with this.”



I sobbed silently as I listened to the two friends go back and forth. I felt bad because it was my fault that there was this riff between best friends. I felt bad because I not only put a riff between Clay and Brent but I also felt like I lost two of my best friends. I walked into Hannah’s room and set to work on her hair. When I was finished, I helped her get her dress on and together we walked downstairs. Clay and Brent were completely quiet hen I walked down and I could not bring myself to look at either one of them.



Hannah and I walked into the school together and once we were in the gym, she immediately took off towards a bunch of girls around her age. I walked over to the bleachers and sat down. I couldn’t tell you how long I sat there when someone took a seat beside me. I looked over and saw that it was Brent. I stood up and tried to walk away but he grabbed me by the wrist. I knew that Jesse was bringing his youngest sister and I wanted to wait for him and get away from Brent.



    “Can you sit down for a minute?” he asked.

    “I’d really rather not,” I said, standing my ground and trying to pull away from him.

    “Claire, please.”



I just stood there while he awkwardly held onto my wrist. There wasn’t anything I wanted to say to him. I continued to look at the door, waiting for Jesse to arrive.



    “Claire, I’m sorry for the way I talked to you,” Brent said.

    “Clay send you here to apologize?” I snapped.

    “Yeah, but oyu have ot look at it from my stand point...”

    “No, I don;t have to look at anything from your stand point, Brent Buchanan. I lost my father, the one man who was suppose to be here for all of the important things in my life and he’s not. I lost my father, he was my best friend and you don’t understand the hole that is in my heart from losing him. I have tried to be this brave girl and put on a tough face but I break... inside... everyday of my life since I found out that he was killed.”

    “Claire,” he said with sad eyes.

    “It about killed me meeting you and Clay just for the fact that you all were in the military and you all got to come home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that you all have been reunited with your families and I will continue to hope and pray for your alls safe return, but I can’t help but be just a little bit envious towards Haylee, your parents, Caroline and the kids. They get to wrap their arms around you all while I’m losing him... the longer it goes,” I cried. “I still hear his voice and can see him in my mind but how long will that last? How much more time will I have before he... completely disappears? You don’t understand that, Brent. I don’t want to lose him,” I whispered. I didn’t realize it but I felt arms wrap around me and I was pulled against Brent’s chest.



I let him pull me down on his lap and he just held me. I blocked everything out and just concentrated on calming myself down. I heard Jesse come up to us but Brent told him we were dealing with something right now and it needed to be worked out. When Brent told Jesse that I would find him after he knew I was okay, I heard Jesse’s footsteps walk away. Jesse was my boyfriend and that’s who should be comforting me right now but it felt right being with Brent.

Brent held me at arms length when I finally stopped crying and just looked at me. I looked back in his eyes and saw sadness there. I couldn’t decipher what his sadness was over but I was happy that whatever was between us, seemed to be gone now. The only one I needed to talk to now was Clay.



    “Your father loved you so much,” Brent told me.

    “I know,” I said, nodding.

    “He went as far as to say that he hoped that I would never meet you.”

    “Why?”

    “He said that his oldest daughter was to good for the likes of me,” he smiled. “And it’s true. You are everything that one man should focus on and if I was different, you would definitely be that girl. Unfortunately, to many girls occupy my time,” he smirked.

    “Man whore,” I giggled.

    “Talk to Clay, the sooner the better,” he said, leaned over, kissed my forehead and walked away.



Five minutes later, I felt more arms wrap around me and I knew that it was Jesse. He asked me what happened and I explained the best I could, leaving some of the other things out. I told him that Brent and I had worked our problems out and that I needed to make things right with Clay.

When it was time to leave, Jesse walked Hannah and I out to my car. After getting Hannah buckled in and ready, I leaned against my car for a minute. Jasmine, Jesse’s little sister, was already fast asleep in his car that he had parked beside me. As I just stood there, Jesse leaned in and wrapped his arms around me and leaned in to kiss me. I wrapped my arms up around his neck and pulled him just that much closer to me. We pulled away much to soon and with a goodbye, we got into our cars and left.

As I pulled into the Redden’s driveway, I saw Clay sitting outside. There were still a few kids that were walking down the street and I noticed a big bowl of candy that was by the chair he sat at. Hannah was asleep when I pulled in so I pulled her out of the backseat and started carrying her into the house. Clay was at the bottom of the steps by time I got there and he took his sister from me and took her upstairs. He was in there for a little while so I sat outside and waited for the last few kids that was still out.

Another twenty minutes later and four trick or treaters, I was still sitting outside in the cool weather by myself. I thought that I would get a chance to talk to Clay but apparently he didn’t want anything to do with me. I told myself that I was going to wait just a few more minutes and if he didn’t come out, I was just going to leave. I waited that time and when he failed ot show up, I stood up and headed towards the steps.



    “Claire,” I heard his voice. It’s the first time that I actually lft him speak to me in nearly two months. “Do you think we can talk?”

    “I think so,” I said turning around. I went over and sat on the double bench and he sat down beside me. I could almost feel a spark with the closeness that we shared. I involuntarily shivered and it didn’t slip past Clay because he stood up and walked back into the house only to walk out with a throw, handing it to me.

    “Claire, I am so sorry that I kept that from you. It killed me when I opened your locket to see you standing beside Hen. I looked at him as more of a father figure than I did as my commanding officer. He had the qualities that I wish my own father had.”

    “He was a good man,” I said.

    “Claire, I should have told you that day about what I learned but I didn’t want to take the risk of you just blocking me out and completely avoiding me. I needed to come up with a way in order ot break it to you gently. I only ever had you on my mind as a fought myself over this.”

    “I might have over-reacted just a little. But Clay, this man was my father. He was the man that is suppose to be there for everything in my life. He’s not here anymore and it kills me. It’s like I said to Brent earlier, I don’t want to lose him.”

    “You won’t, Claire. I promise you that. No matter what, Luke will be alive right here,” he said taking and placing his hand over my heart.



There was nothing else that needed to be said. The movement was just enough that needed to be done. In that little touch, it held so much meaning to me. I also felt something that wasn’t there before. I could feel that Clay cared about me and I knew that I treated him lower than he deserved. I also knew that in that moment that he forgave me even though he would say that there was nothing that was my fault.

We just sat there for a long time. I eventually leaned into Clay and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I felt safe for the first time in a very long time and I didn’t want anything to interrupt that. I could not tell you how long we sat there but I finally handed him the throw back, telling him that I needed to head home. He stood with me, placed the throw on the bench and walked me to my car. Just as we reached the car, I turned around and wrapped my arms around his waist. After letting him go, I climbed into my car and went home.

As I walked up to my room, I knew everything would be fine between me and the two guys that I considered my best friends. Things were tough for a little while because they kept things from me that should not have been but I knew we put that behind us now. I also admitted to myself that I didn’t know what it was but there was definitely something more between myself and Clay. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was but it was definitely something.



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Okay... so what did we think about this chapter???

I’ll admit that it was a tough one to write. It wasn’t because the ideas didn’t flow to me but because of her confrontation with Brent at the dance. Those words cut me because it’s sort of the way I feel from losing my uncle. I know it’s been 4 months but it just doesn’t seem to get easier. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have good days... really good days. Than I have days when I go to thinking that I just wish I could hear his voice one more time. It still doesn’t seem real and I find myself wondering what he's doing a lot throughout the day and then I remember.

It’s part of life, I know and you would think that the older you get, the easier it becomes when in reality, it doesn’t. 

Anyway... I hope this chapter lived up to expectations. I know that it skipped some time but there's still so much that I have to get out of my head and not a lot of time to get it done. YAY that they are overcoming this situation and I promise in the next few chapters, it gets even better. 


Oh... group question??? 

How many of you like to workout, like hardcaore??? Yeah.. well... I'll be the first to admit that ever since I got married and had a baby, I let my body go DOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNN ! ! ! ! !

But now, I'm trying ot shape up because a group of my friends are interested in doing a 5K run that's coming close to us in September and after finding out that it's to support the special olympics, I want to do it that much more. So along with a really good friend, we have begun to be one another's support system (cause we can't get together all the time) and it's been working. I've cut down on my eating a lot and today... oh boy... today I started doing a cardio workout called Hip Hop Abs and it is not easy. 

I also have my own little support system at home. My little girl is right there beside me doing the best she can. She's nearly 5 and she's always talking about how we need to eat healthier and to walk more. It's sad that a 4 year old notices things like that. Plus, like I said... this 5K is pushing me. I may not be to most ideal person to do it but I'll be dag on if I won't try. 

Okay... enough about life... IF YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY COMMENTING, VOTING AND FANNING ! ! ! ! ! ! OH COME ON ! ! ! ! ! ! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO ! ! ! ! !

LATERZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!