Hearts Afar

...32...

Author's Note at the end... Please read it...

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...32...

We buried Caroline a week ago and things still have not seem to kick in yet. I was now living full time in the Redden house. Barbie and Haylee came over everyday to help me when they could but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to depend on them all the time. My mom and sisters came over often and would take Mikey and Hannah out for a little while just so I could take a shower without rushing or just to take a little nap or something. I still had not heard from Clay and wondered if he even knew that his mother had passed away. 

Mikey and Hannah were big helps for me cleaning their rooms and helping with chores but it still just felt weird playing mother to two kids that are just mere years younger than myself. Mikey stayed in his room a lot which made me worry and I even thought about taking us to counseling to cope with the loss of that very special woman in our lives and the deal with Clay’s absence. I decided against it because I figured the kids would start talking once they handled it their way. Hannah talked to me about thing everyday and even in her little eight year old head, things seemed to make more sense than when I would think about it.

As the days wore on, I still had not heard anything from Clay and it was beginning to play in the back of my mind the same thing that happened to my father. Only this time, I don’t think I would be allowed in there because I wasn’t technically family. I was only the kids guardian and Clay’s girlfriend. I didn’t even like to think about Clay not coming home but I knew there would always be the possibility.

Whenever there was nothing to do, Mikey would normally stay up in his room and play a game or something and Hannah would hand around with me. I had us in a good routine but I felt myself slowly falling into some kind of funk. I had called my mom three or four times daily, just needing her reassurance. After I heard what I needed to hear, I would be fine, at least for a little while. I didn’t care what happened to me but I knew that whatever it was that was dragging me down, needed to just go on because I had two kids I needed to worry about. I knew I always would have help whenever I would need it but I needed to prove to myself that I could do this by myself. Clay had promised me that once he got home, we would talk about being a family and that thought is what kept me going. 

I could and would never try to take Caroline’s place but these kids were a part of my family now. No matter what the outcome of Clay’s service might be, I would not let those kids go without a fight. They were my little brother and sister because as the old saying goes, ‘it doesn’t take blood to make a family.’ 

    “Hey Claire,” Hannah skipped into the kitchen one morning a few weeks after her mother’s passing.

    “Hey kiddo, what’s up?”

    “Barbie and Haylee are coming after Mikey and me today so you can get some rest.”

    “No, I’m fine. You all don’t have to go anywhere,” I told her.

    “I know we don’t have to, we want to. You do to much for us and not enough for you. Take a long bubble bath and a nap. We’ll be back some time tomorrow.”

    “Hannah...” I began just as the door bell sounded.

When I answered it, Barbie and Haylee stood there with matching smiles plastered on their faces. I opened the door wider for them to come in and closed it behind them. I didn’t say anything to either one of them as we walked into the kitchen. I offered them a cup of coffee and topped up my own. I didn’t use to be big on coffee but in recent weeks, I’ve found myself thriving on the stuff.