Unspeakable Acts (bwwm)

29

| Jaxon Wright |

I didn't leave California because I was brave. I left because my father finally fell. The day they arrested him, the house felt hollow in a way I still don't have words for. No shouting. No slammed doors. Just men in uniforms walking through rooms that had always belonged to him, touching things like they were already relics.

Money laundering. Arms trafficking. Enough stacked charges to bury him for life. He didn't look at me when they put the cuffs on. Didn't need to. I knew what he was thinking.

That night, my mom packed in silence. Adessa cried because she didn't understand why we were leaving her room behind. I told her it was an adventure. I told her everything would be better. My brother didn't question anything.

By the time my dad was officially sentenced, we were already gone. New state. New names in certain places. A life built on pretending the past couldn't reach us through concrete and steel bars.

I thought prison walls would stop him. I was wrong.

Before I go to Alyssa's, I stop by KB's place. He answers the door shirtless, hair a mess, already laughing at something on his phone.

"Bro," he grins. "You look like hell. That's hot, but concerning."

I don't smile. That gets his attention.

"Whoa," he says, stepping aside. "Okay. Come in. You're killing the vibe."

KB is chaos in human form. Loud. Inappropriate. Always joking at the worst possible times. People love him because he never pretends to be anything else. That's exactly why I trust him.

He drops onto the couch kicking his feet up, "Alright. Hit me."

"I'm leaving," I say.

He freezes. Just for half a second. "...Leaving like leaving, or leaving like dramatic Jaxon leaving?"

"Leaving leaving."

He exhales slowly. "Shit."

"I need you to watch over Alyssa."

KB snorts. "You know I already do."

"I mean it," I say. "If she calls. If she needs someone. You show up. No matter what."

His humor fades completely now. "This serious?"

I nod.

He rubs his face. "Man... you don't ask favors."

"I'm asking now."

KB stands and pulls me into a rough hug, clapping my back harder than necessary. "I got her. You hear me? Even if she hates your guts."

I swallow. "Especially then."

He pulls back, searching my face. "You coming back?"

"Eventually." He doesn't ask when. Which is better because i couldn't even answer that.

"Don't let her destroy herself," I add.

KB smirks sadly. "You're the only one who ever had that power."

Alyssa's house is too quiet when I knock. She opens the door already smiling, and that almost breaks me.

"Hey," she says. "You okay?"

"No," I answer honestly. Her smile fades. We don't make it far into the living room before it starts.

"I'm leaving."

The words hang between us like something poisonous. i get it, just a day ago i was fine, there was no reason for me to leave. At least in her eyes.

Alyssa blinks at me, once. Then she laughs. "No," she says. "You're not. Stop."

"I am."

"For how long?" she asks quickly, already shaking her head like she can shake the answer out of me. "A week? A month?"

"I don't know."

Her laugh breaks into something hysterical. "You don't know," she repeats. "You always don't know."

"I'm not coming back," I say, because if I don't say it now, I never will.

Her face drains of color. "What?" Her voice cracks. "You don't mean that."

"I do."

She steps closer, eyes wild. "You don't just wake up one day and decide to erase your life."

"This isn't about you," I snap. That does it.

"Oh, fuck you," she yells. "Everything is about me when you're standing in my house telling me you're disappearing!"

"I'm trying to protect you!"

"From what?" she screams. "From yourself? From commitment? Or from the fact that you don't want to fight for me?"

I turn away, pacing, my chest tight. "You don't understand the kind of shit I'm dealing with."

"Then explain it!" she sobs. "Stop treating me like I'm stupid!"

"I can't!"

"You won't," she corrects. "You shut me out and then act surprised when I'm confused."

I whirl back on her. "You're confused because you overthink everything."

Her mouth drops open. "Wow."

"You do," I keep going, anger spilling over. "You take every quiet moment and turn it into a problem."

Her voice rises to match mine. "So now it's my fault you're leaving?"

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it!" she screams. "You always make me feel like I'm too much."

"That's because you are sometimes!"

The second the words leave my mouth, I know I've crossed a line. She stares at me like I've shattered something sacred.

"Say that again," she whispers.

"I didn't mean—"

"No," she yells, tears streaming now. "Say it again. Look at me and say I'm too much."

I don't answer.

She laughs bitterly. "That's what I thought."

"You cling to me like I'm the only thing holding you together," I spit, my voice cruel now. "And I can't breathe."

Her hands shake. "You are unbelievable."

"And you're exhausting!" I shout back. "Every day it's something. your body, your fears, your doubts. I can't fix you!"

"I never asked you to!" she screams. "I just wanted you to stay!"

"I can't stay," I roar. "Because loving you makes me weak!"

The room goes dead silent. She looks at me like I've just killed something between us. Footsteps thunder down the stairs. Her dad appears first, her mom right behind him.

"What is happening?" her dad demands.

Alyssa wipes her face angrily. "He's leaving."

Her mom looks at me, eyes sharp and protective.

"I think it's best if you go," her dad says firmly.

I nod, numb, moving toward the door. Behind me, Alyssa's voice breaks completely. "I hate you."

My hand freezes on the knob. "Say it again," I say quietly.

"I hate you," she screams. "I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for making me love you."

Each word feels like a punishment. I open the door and leave before I can beg her to take it back. This is for her safety. Lord knows i'll forever punish myself for saying those things to her.

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