knowing you (process of editing)

Chapter twenty-seven~ More decisions

Baylons P.O.V

I had made so many different decisions about my pack. I wanted to make sure that everyone got what they needed. I made the right decision that my mate wouldn't have made and in The process I lost her. I missed my dad terribly and wished that I had listened to him when I had the chance. He was a great man and I just didnt know if I could live up to his great legacy. He had to sacrifice so much and put himself last. I had to admit to myself that I was afraid. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of losing all the people that I cared for...I had already lost my Kaylee. I sat in my fathers office, my office for hours on end just contemplating my life.
Finally someone knocked on the door quietly. "Enter" I whispered not knowing who it was. My mother opened the door and gave me a look of sympathy. "Hey love, I noticed that you've been in this dusty old office for a really long time and I figured that by now you had to be hungry. I brought you a sandwich and I made grandma Mary's famous cornmeal cookies, your favorite. I loved when she made me those when I was a child." She sat down in one of the chairs opposite of me. Slid the food over and smiled.
I hadn't even felt any hunger pains in days, until she sat that sandwich down. My stomach instantly felt hunger. I Thanked my mom and ate it. She looked so pleased with herself. She loved to treat me like her beautiful baby boy. I had to remind her of Joey all the time, she would laugh and say that he was her littlest beautiful baby boy. Her laugh was so sweet that I realized in that moment that I hadn't heard her laugh in awhile. It made me sad.
Of course she didnt forget the huge glass of milk. When danni and I were small, with every meal we'd get a huge glass of milk. She'd say dad grew big and strong because he had twelve ounces each meal. Not eating for days had made my stomach ache, so I ate my sandwich slowly. "Baylon, you don't have to do this all by yourself sweetheart. All of the elders are here for you. They are your family and have been loyal to your father since before you were even born, and will be loyal to you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much..
You dont have to be the perfect Alpha either, your father wasn't the perfect Alpha, his father before him either. Noone is perfect honey. Its your turn now...You do things YOUR way. The decisions that you make are yours, and everyone needs to follow what the Alpha says. Thats it, thats all. Son embrace your title and be the best alpha you can Be."
She paused for a moment. Then she looked straight into my eyes with a very quizzical look. " And with that beautiful girl by your side you can't fail.....Her mother and your father were almost wed, did you know that?" I was shocked speechless by what she had just said. All that I could do was shake my head. "It wasn't meant to be, I never understood why....until now. She is your true mate. Your father and I weren't, but we made it work didnt we? Everyone knew that we loved each other and that is all that counted. WE made it real.You, believe in yourself as alpha son and you will be everything that you need to be for your pack."
Everything that she had just told me surprised me. My parents weren't true mates like I'd always believed? Mrs. Bresette and my dad were together once upon a time? I guessed that I had gotten something from what she'd just told me, That I need to be firm in the decisions that I made and not second guess myself. Also that my love for Kaylee meant nothing if I couldn't let her go and be happy. She could really move on without me. Because she was my TRUE mate, put together by the stars, and fate, I would let her be truly happy and I just hoped that she one day would understand my decision and not hate me forever, because I would love her....forever.
In two days would be the pack counsel and enforcers selection battles. And although my first and most important pick was Jeffery, he still had to go through the battle. It was pack traditions. I was really worried that he wouldn't make the cut. We grew up together and were in all the same classes at school. We talked on occasion but were never really friends, but associates. He was never a physical type a guy, intellectual yes. He was indeed a genius. And of course he wasn't gonna be here for some years, but we've discussed his place in our pack already. Pack doctor.
But talking to Jeremy got me to thinking about what I wasnt gonna let happen with the pack. It takes also more than just barking orders to run a pack. It takes proper planning and correct execution. It didnt make any sense to get rid of all of the pack elders enforcement, or Counsel. I would need to sit down with my fresh, over excited Beta and have a talk. He was going to freak out I believed. I decided to call him to request for him to come to my father's Office.... my office.
When Randy entered I motioned for him to have a seat. "Randy we gotta talk." He smiled a bit. " Wow. Okay this sounds really formal for us B, we are best friends and all. That's changed since your Alpha status?" "Naw man you have been my friend since forever. I mean our fathers were thick as thieves even before we were thought of, we are more soul brothers, than just best friends I suppose. He smiled again this time more warmly. I patted him on the shoulder and smiled myself. He was my brother.
"Randy, I need you to take what I am going to say very seriously and understand that I won't be budging at all on any of these decisions that I have made.....And right now, let's just stick to Alpha okay?" He looked calm, but mostly confused. "Sorry Alpha Cloud, my allegiance is to you." "Randy I have made a very important decision as Alpha. You know it must be important because it is my first, and you as my beta is first to know." I paused for a moment. "Randy, I want for right now to leave pack counsel and enforcement the way it is." He instantly looked angry and perplexed. "Bay, uh, Alpha wha?? What are you talking about???" I stood and came around and sat in front of him on the desk "Look Randy, of course you are my beta and my best friend. You are like my brother.....and that is exactly why I will not allow you to drop all of your life plans of college to become a Beta right now. Your father has done this job for thirty years already he can continue for awhile longer. You can go and be an architect like you have always talked about man. Billy can go and be a lawyer and Jeff can go and be a doctor. You know all of us need to have real careers as covers for all of the worlds view anyway. We need to seem like a regular community. Be regular productive "Human beings". How would it look like for us to be running shit and none of us are even at drinking age?"
I took a breath "Me and my dad had discussed this before..." I paused. I dont plan to run this pack like my father, I want better and more for this new generation." Randy raised his hand like a small child at school asking a question. " But Alpha, that is why its so important to start now I think." I interrupted him,"with what a bunch of rag tag teens being in charge? How would the other packs even view us? Weak as hell thats how. Nope, I wont do that. Instead I will learn from all the pack elders all that I can , start to get acquainted more with the other packs as Alpha. I will still run the pack while all of you guys go do what needs to be done, with the pack elders by my side. And then when the time comes, you guys will all assume your positions." I told him. I could tell by his stiff posture that he was pissed off, but hey I did what I thought was right, and the elders agreed also with my plan. "Its for the best Beta. I wanted to go to school also, but...." Sadness is all that I felt in that moment. Not about not going to college, but for the absence of my father..... I shook it off. " I will not take that from all of you, I will not." He nodded, but I could see the disappointment in his eyes. " we Will still be have pack counsel and enforcement selection in two days and I want everyone to know that when they come back home to stay that they will have their own responsibilities to our pack, and what that will be." He smiled because he still had a job to do, but I could feel his disappointment. "And you brothers will be notified of every single pack decision and YOU will be called back home as pack Beta if need be" I told him. He seemed cool , but then his facial expression changed to concern. He looked at me for a moment. " What about you B? And I'm asking as a friend, as a brother."
"What about me?" I asked. He looked worried. " you had dreams as well. You wanted to go to College just like the rest of us, even more! And what about Kaylee? Will she be going to college, or staying here with you? What is your life plan? I know that she loves you enough to stay here with you.... Do you love her enough to let her go?" "Let her go? I am her mate and she is mine, but I already let her go man." I was trying to figure all of that out. I felt so much pain and anger. I already lost her... Randy looked at me with so much pity. It pissed me off. "Hey..Im good." I tried to convince him and myself.
Later that same day while I was looking over some pack plans that my father had created before, I got a call, I answered. It was My kay, she wanted to talk. I wanted to talk also.
We met up and started to talk. I could see where the conversation was going so I had to interrupt Her before I allowed her to say. I was sure she would be glad that I stopped her,"you need to follow your dreams kay, do what makes you happy, and I will be right here waiting for you, your true mate forever. She didn't go for any of what I was saying. She blew up on me and stormed away from me....
I just wanted to let her go and have something of her own before she got strapped down to this pack and obligated to life if that is what she chose. I had a love for her that she just couldn't understand. I wanted her to be happy even if I was miserable. I felt like crap. I had to think.........I just sat in my chair in the office the rest of the day....I watched the sun go down. When I finally looked up and popped into reality it was midnight. If she would be gone from my life for awhile, or forever. I found that I had been starving myself lately. I realized that it wasnt good for an Alpha to starve himself, even if I didnt feel hunger.
I went downstairs to the kitchen for a snack...who did I run to but Amanda Danni's friend. "Hey Baylon what's up?" She said sort of salaciously "Hey..um..what are you still doing here at the house?" I asked. "Danni and I are having a sleepover." When I looked at her again it made sense. She had on an oversized t-shirt gown and some oversized, fuzzy, purple, bunny slippers. I sat down at the table to eat and she decided to sit in the chair right next to me."You look gloomy alpha what's wrong?" I just looked at her in confusion. Then she did something totally unexpected. She then stood up and slid herself unto my lap! "If you were my mate you'd be the happiest Alpha in this world." she whispered in my ear,"Why she doesn't do whatever you want is beyond me. Just ask and I'll give it to you." Then she kissed me.. "whatever you want I will do." She whispered on my lips. She slid her tongue into my mouth. I couldn't believe that she was drawing me in. She was so seductive. She smelled like cocoa butter and baby powder, as if she had just taken a shower. Her kisses tasted like sweet tarts. I just couldn't help myself. I grabbed her shiny, long, black hair and kisses her even deeper. This felt good and right now I felt so bad. I was really getting into it and then my wolf spoke. "Not our mate" Suddenly I popped up and lifted her off of me. "Look Amanda, I have a mate and I only want her okay?" She smiled at me coyly and asked, "are you sure? Cause it doesn't feel like it." And she rubbed her hand past my crotch. I jumped back. "Yeah.....im . She smiled and walked away slowly, then She whispered loudy toward me, " see ya later Bay." I took my food to eat in my room. What was going on? Was everyone going crazy? Was I going crazy?...I needed to sleep this day all the way off.
The next morning I awoke to a splitting headache. My sleep was interrupted all night by my wolf..feeling guilty, feeling worried, and afraid of being away from Kaylee or mate. I figured it was time to go and talk to her. I needed to convince her to stay until the school year ended so we'd have at least that time. I loved her and I needed her to know that. When I got downstairs everyone was making noise in the great room. I went to see what all of the fuss was. I walked in to see Kanen talking to all of the pack guys. "I will miss all of you guys. This is the first time that I ever felt that I belonged somewhere, that I had a brotherhood. I will be back often to visit whenever in a couple of weeks. But you guys keep in touch as well and come down to my new pack...who knows, you might find your mates." He winked and then laughed. All the guys laughed as well and started giving him high fives and half hugs. And then he came to me. "Hey Alpha Cloud." "You can call me Baylon Kanen." Your right, you may be alpha but to me you'll just be my sisters true mate and a brother. From what I heard last night you guys seem like you'll be just fine with your time apart. I wasn't trying to be nosey or anything, but Kay's room IS right next to mine." He nudged me and gave me a wink. "But hey I will miss your serious, melancholy face also. You never failed at making me feel intimidated by you." He laughed but after a moment it turned into a cough. Then I realized that I was doing it again at that very moment. I relaxed my face into a smile. "Yeah I've been to Wisconsin now and I can tell its a great place to visit and beat the heat." I gave a fake smile, but I couldn't help myself I had to ask, "So you heard us last night huh?" I tried to play it off. "Uh yeah! I wanted to close my ears , I mean , that IS my sister." He chuckled. "well gotta go sir, see you soon?" I nodded and gave him a hug and a smile. I was so confused. Who the hell did he hear?....And then it suddenly came to me..NEHEMIAH! SHE HAD NEHEMIAH IN HER ROOM LAST NIGHT??? I couldn't believe that she would betray me that way. I was her mate and she slept with another? My wolf was angry that it was all that I could do to hurry and get outside and shift. I needed to run, run, run! And I kept thinking why????? How??? Why would she do that to me? Because of the words that I said? How could she betray our wolves that way? I loved her still. I made it to her house and suddenly stopped in the bushes. There, she was packing without a care in the world and no type of guilt on her face at all. She must of loved it. Well if that was what she felt then good riddance to her. I watched her and her family drive off while my wolf howled in agony. He didnt understand why I let her Go...... But Tommorow were the battles and I made up my mind that Nehemiah would get whats coming to him. That fucker hooked up with my mate and he definitely was gonna regret that...