James: The Miracle Within My Mistake

|Chapter 2|

"Sometimes I convince myself that what we did wasn't out of the alcohol, but out of our real feelings. I like to think that what we did was meant to happen, that it was some kind of fate. But then reality sets in and I realize that it really was a mistake. Something we did in the drunken moment. And it stings every time that realization hits me."

Shailene's POV

His breath is warm against my neck, and it sends small tingles down my spine. His arms wrap around my waist and I wrap mine around him as well, never wanting to let him go. His lips move further away from my neck and closer to my own lips. The anticipation killing me, just wanting to feel them on mine.

I jerk awake, the dream seeming like a crazy reality somehow. But I know that it was just a fantasy, a memory to be more correct. It happened, I can't disguise that it didn't.

I hear James, whimpering softly from his room. I kept the door cracked because I don't always keep the baby monitor in my room. I get out of my own bed and walk into his room. He's laying in his back crying, little tears rolling down his cheeks.

"What wrong bud?" I ask him. I lift him out and see if he's hungry.. and he is. I walk over to the rocking chair and let him eat.

There's barely any light in here, but the streak of moonlight shinning in happens to land on the one thing I don't think I can handle seeing right now. It's a picture of Theo and I, we took it when we went out at night after a long day of shooting. It was towards the beginning because my hair is long.

I smile seeing it but as my face shows happiness, the inner me is frowning. I put it in here not for the fact that James should be able to know what his dad looks like, because he wouldn't know at the age he's at. But it was for me. So I could see it when I came in here, and to let James know that he does have a dad. Even if he doesn't know or understand, or if Theo's not here.

James unlatches and I pull my tank top back up. I burp him and set him back in his crib, watching him curl up right away and drift off.

I go over to the picture in the frame and pick it up. Running my fingers across it, almost trying to feel that moment again.

That time was timeless it seemed. We were both happy and content in the moment, grateful to know each other and be in each other's company.

Now we hardly speak, and it's all because of me. Me and my stupid fear... and with the choice I made of not telling him.. I probably destroyed everything we had.

Keleigh told me that he loved me, that anyone with eyes could see it. But I can't, and I don't know how to open my eyes to see it.

I walk out, placing the picture back on the shelf. I walk into the living room and there are even more pictures of Theo and I. I put them around the house for memories and for James. Because once he's older, he'll be wondering about his father. Needing a father figure and curious about his absence.

And I'll have to tell him that his mother never told his father. That his father doesn't even know he exists.

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"Hey Theo, it's Shai." I say into the phone. James is on the carpet playing with some blocks with numbers and letters painted on them. And I coughed up enough courage to call him.

"Hey Shai, what's up?" His voice enters not only my house but the deepest parts of my mind. As if his voice is filling every empty space, every crevice of vacancy.

"I was wondering if you're still in L.A." I say, trying to keep the fact that I'm trembling undetectable.

"Yeah, I have a small appearance later. I actually wanted to talk to you about." Theo answers.