James: The Miracle Within My Mistake

|Chapter 3|

"When I told you, all I did was pray. I prayed that there was a way that you'd forgive me, that you wouldn't hate me for the rest of your life. I prayed that you'd want to meet him, be there for him, father him.  I prayed for some glorious miracle that made that moment alright, but just like some of the most important prayers we pray... God has us wait."

Shailene's POV
It's like time was slowed, or maybe even stopped. Everything seemed different and scarier. I watch his face, hoping to find what he's feeling but don't- I can't. It's blank and unreadable, which worries me even more.

He rubs his hands over his face, turning around so he doesn't face me. Then Theo shoots back around, his face showing anger now.

"You... I... A son?" Theo asks, rage trembling in his voice.

"I'm sor--" "Don't. Don't say you're sorry, don't say anything!" He yells, and to be honest this is the most mad I've seen him so far.

"Why didn't you tell me?? How did this even happ--" This time he stops.

"The party." He says realizing it all and piecing it together. 'Fuck' I hear him swear, avoiding my eyes.

"The condom broke." I say, my voice feels like it echos. Bouncing off anything around us.

"Why didn't you tell me." Theo asks. He looks at me now, his eyes actually reaching mine. And what I see in them is worse then rage, I see pain.

"I wanted to Theo, truly I did." I say, and I must sound pathetically desperate. "But I couldn't."

"You could. You could Shai. You just chose not to." Theo says and I know any minute he'll walk away.

"I would've screwed up your relationship and how do you tell someone you had their child after not even telling them you were pregnant." I yell and know I'm the one steaming.

"My relationship would've been my problem, not yours Shailene. And if you would've just told me that I got you pregnant, then you could tell me easier when you had my son. If you told me you were pregnant, we wouldn't be in this fucking mess." Theo screams, and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you I know, I just... I was scared."

"Scared of what? Me leaving you, not being there for you?" He asks and I can't answer.

"I wouldn't have done any of those things, I thought you knew that. And Shai, if it ruined my relationship with Ruth, it would've been on her. Not you." He says.

"I should've told you." I say and tears are falling faster now. I look at Theo but he's not looking at me. I reach out and clutch his wrist gently, "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Yeah... Me too." He says, his voice sounding dead. Then... he's gone.

<><><><><><><>

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since I went out with Theo, and two weeks since I told him about James.

He hasn't called, texted, emailed, or even written. No contact what so ever. It hurts, I won't lie about that. But it also kind of makes me mad. He told me he would've been there, where is he now??

Keleigh told me it'll take time. I kept a huge secret from him, and he needs time to process it. And I understand that, I do. It's just hard having to wait for something I don't even know will happen.

I'm sitting with James now, we're still working on crawling. We've been at it for about twenty minutes and I'm about to pick him up when my phone rings.

I pick it up forgetting to look at the Id. "Hello?" I ask.

"Shailene." The voice I'd know anywhere answers. And the butterflies soon start to flutter in my stomach.

"Theo." I say, my voice almost in a whisper.

"What's his name?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"My son. What's his name?" Theo asks, his deep voice echoing through my phone.

"James." I say and a small smile pops on my face.

"James." He breaths out softly, a light whisper.

"James Michael Woodley Taptiklis." I tell him his full name.

There's another moment of silence. "It's a wonderful name Shai." He says and I realize he used my nickname again, the way he always calls me.

"Thank you." I say.

"Can I see him?" Theo asks and my breath hitches, the moment I never thought would come...has.

I turn to see James and something incredible happens. James stands.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim.

"Shai??" Theo asks, concern suddenly flooding his voice.

"He... He's standing." I say with tears. "He can't even crawl but he's standing." I say and I can feel Theo smiling from the other line.

Then it hits me. It was Theo somehow. He asked to see him and James stood.

<><><><><><>

It's almost midnight and I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Fully awake and struggling to fall asleep.

He's on my mind. Theo... not just him but the fact that I agreed to have him come over to see James.

I don't know why it's put my body in some weird function, I mean he's James's father... he should get to see him all the time. But there's something... within me that's uneasy.

I get out of bed and walk over to the small table I have in my room. It's really to store things and keep pictures on and in.

I pick up a silver frame holding a picture of Theo and I at the Divergent Premiere. We're smiling at each other and you can tell that they're real genuine smiles.

It was at the beginning at it all, before this all happened. We were younger and a bit naïve to the world.

But it reminds me of a time I know we'll never have again, there's always going to be a wedge between us from now on... and it's all because I didn't tell him. I should've from the very beginning, not caring what anyone else would do or think. But do it for me and my child, Theo's child.

I reach for me phone which I have to turn on, then hover above his number. I know it's late and he won't be awake... but I need to talk to someone. And right now, that someone needs to be him.

"Hello?" I groggy voice says through the phone.

"Hi Theo, I know it's late and I'm sorry to wake you-" "Are you okay?" He asks concerned, sounding more awake and more like himself.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just... needed to talk with someone." I say. "To you." Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I take a seat on the edge of my bed.

"What about?" He asks after a few shuffling of things on his end of the phone.

"About us." I breathe out.

"I should've told you. I should've just called you when I found out and told you then I was pregnant. And I'm just so sorry. It was so wrong to keep it from you and I regret that. I'm sorry. " I say with tears trailing behind my words.

Wiping my tears I walk into James's room just to see him. I do this sometimes, go in late at night to see him. I love how he sleeps, like everything in the world- in his world is right. When in reality-my reality... nothing is.

I'm about to hang up when Theo speaks up. "Who's he look more like?"

I laugh lightly. "You."