James: The Miracle Within My Mistake

|Chapter 12|

But here we are. Today is the day, the biggest day of my life. The day where my world, my life and my love becomes one with yours. Today I say yes to a lifetime with you and our beautiful baby boy. Today Theo James... I take your last name and proudly become Mrs. Shailene Taptiklis.

Theo's POV

The man staring back at me in the mirror I stand in front, no longer looks familiar. He looks vulnerable, and nervous. He looks as though he's changed and that he's getting ready for something huge. Blowing out a breath of shaky anxiety, I look once more right in my own eyes and see that it is me. The new me.

Today, it's no longer just about me. No longer just about James, or Shailene. It's the day where it becomes about being a true family. About blending our lives, and sticking by each other through anything and everything.

"Nervous?" My brother asks, his hand resting on my shoulder.

I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Yeah."

"You'll be fine." He assures me, making me smile a little at the gesture.

"As long as she shows." He adds, and I punch him lightly in the shoulder.

He grins, "She'll show, because she wanted me to give you this." My brother hands me a small white envelope with my name in cursive black ink.

He leaves, allowing to open it alone.

Dear Theo,

I know we aren't supposed to see each other before the wedding, so I'm writing to you instead. And having your brother deliver this letter to you (hopefully). We've been on a roller coaster, up's and down's here and there and mistakes just everywhere. I messed up--and I know you've forgiven me-- but it's something that will stay with me. The hurt that I put you through I know will always linger.

Maybe if I wasn't scared as hell I would've told you. Right there when those two pink lines appeared. Right when I saw our baby on the screen for the first time. Right when I knew I missed you the most.

I conceived James in an act of lust and liquor.

Sometimes I  convince myself that what we did wasn't out of the alcohol, but out of our real feelings. I liked to think that what we did was meant to happen, that it was some kind of fate. But then reality sets in and I realize that it really was a mistake. Something we did in the drunken moment. And it sting every time that realization hits.

But that day I got to see you again, and get alone time with you I knew it was time to come clean. Let go of this burden tugging at my heart and my mind day after day.

When I told you, all I did was pray. I prayed that there was a way that you'd forgive me, that you wouldn't hate me for the rest of your life. I prayed that you'd want to meet him, be there for him, father him. I prayed for some glorious miracle that made that moment alright, but just like some of the most important prayers we pray... God has us wait.

You called wanting to know that simplest things about him... and that... that was big enough to mean the world. It meant that you hadn't given up on us.

The day you met him, so many emotions ran through me. Fear for you to come, fear to face you again. I feared so much that day, but I felt so much joy when I saw my boy in his father's arms... Reunited at last.

You stayed, and I think that's what I needed the most. The reminder that you weren't going anywhere and you were going to be here not only for me but for James.

Those three words... just three but some of the most powerful ones there are in the world.

I never thought that I'd hear those words come from your mouth, at least on your own and not produced because of too many shots. When you told me you loved me, I couldn't help but cry. Because all I wanted, all I ever wanted from you was to know that I wasn't alone in these feelings. That you held them too, that you loved me too.