The feeling was familiar, and it was a feeling that you could never erase. Because it sank further than just the skin, it sank to your bones and your soul. I was scared at first to be honest, because the last time ruined it all. And I couldn't do that again. But this time round, it didn't ruin anything. It brought things together- us together, and pulled us closer than before. Better than before. We were one... it was in a way that was indescribable. But I had you back, and I knew I'd never loose you again.
Shai's POV
You could still hear the beat of the music below us on the dance floor, the rhythm making the room bounce just a tad. But all I could focus on was you, by now we were unclothed and breathing heavily. Our sweat mixing and our bodies moving in a motion that made us one. It was wrong, it was a terrible idea... but I couldn't stop it. Even if I wanted to.
My once closed eyes open at the reoccurring memory of that night, Theo still kissing my neck tenderly, and my arms and legs wrapped around him. Pulling him closer to me, as far as we can meet each other. The sheets making a light tent over our bodies.
He got a hotel for the night, a fancy one with champagne and a wide white colored bed. Everything in this room looked expensive, and it probably was.
"Theo." I whisper, and his soft lips leave my neck leaving that space cold and empty.
"What's wrong?" He asks, looking down on me in love and concern. His arms on both sides of my head, almost cradling me close to him. My head pressed into the light cream pillow.
"Should we be doing this?" I question, and all this time I thought that if I had this chance again that I'd take it. I stare into his dark brown eyes, specs of lust but the rest full of love and vulnerability.
Our pants and shirts are off, and he was about to unhook my bra. No way of coming back.
"Are you not sure?" Theo asks, and I know that he'd stop if I asked-- reluctantly though.
"I just-- I don't want to repeat last time." I say, my lips close to touching his. My eyes moving from looking into his eyes, to looking at his lips.
"We won't." Theo whispers, his head dipping down to my neck again. His lips touching my ear, nibbling at it sweetly.
"Because this time, is for real." He breathes into my ear, sending a chill down my spine and making me want this even more.
Our lips meet and everything in that moment slows. It's just us, it's just this feeling. Soon everything is off, and we're both exposed to each other. But we don't try to cover up, we embrace it. Colliding with each other in love, and in desperation for this feeling.
Falling asleep with my sweaty hair sticking to his hot chest, and our bare legs tangled up with one another's is the best way to fall asleep. Tonight we not only showed each other physically that we loved each other, but emotionally... there's no denying now.
'I love you' was said I don't even know how many times, but each time felt like the first again and again. And the way people say that you can fall in love with someone over and over again... I didn't believe it at first. But after tonight, I believe it. I felt it.
<><><><><><>
I wake to the sunshine, cascading into the room. Covering the bed in warmth and light. I sit up when I realize Theo's not there anymore. I stand up, wrapping the sheets around me, and walking to the place where I can hear the soft radio.
I stand in the gold framed bathroom doorway, watching Theo shave. His chest and back bare, the rest of him only covered by snug white towel, with gold edging.
"Morning." I whisper, making him turn to face me-a smile plastered on his lips.
"Morning." He whispers back, walking over to me to lean down and kiss me good morning.
"I like this look on you." Theo comments, pulling back and returning to his place by the sink.
"What? Bare and covered by a probably see-through sheet??" I laugh.
"Not my fault you make it look beautiful." Theo says, and it's the way he can say something like that so calmly and simply. Something that means so much when I hear it, and he says it like it's a textbook fact.
I smile, walking back over to the bed. Sitting on the edge and looking down at my black painted toes.
"You alright?" Theo asks, breaking the silence. Peering out from the doorway, looking to me for reassurance that I'm fine.
"Yes. Just thinking about a lot." I tell him truthfully. James is on my mind, not being there when he wakes up. And all that happened last night, or this week. I don't really even know what Theo and I are, what our label is. But maybe we don't need one right now.
It's still hard for me to fathom though, how after all I did, after all of it, Theo found a way to love me. To tell me that he loves me.
"We might be thinking about the same things." I hear Theo's deep voice say, breaking me of my thoughts and turn to him. Who is now sitting beside me on the bed.
"You think?" I ask, joking.
"I'm thinking about you and seeing James this morning." Theo says, a smirk riding up on his lips.
I shake my head, smiling. "Just this once, you got it right." I tell him, as he wraps his arms around me.
"No, I think we think alike quite often." Theo tells me.
"Really? How so?" I ask, leaning into his bare and warm chest.
"I can read you well, that's how. And we both share some of the same things. James is something-someone that will always be on our minds, and we're both on each others minds." Theo explains, and I realize that it probably easy to know what I'm thinking.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask, sitting up, pulling my knees to my chest. My body still coverd by the sheets.
"Sure."
"You don't regret last night right?" I asking, having the bravery to look him in the eyes while I do.
"Shai, what's with all the questions about regret?? I don't regret a thing. Not with you I don't." Theo says, holding onto my wrists.
"I just-- I know you hate me asking. I just need to know these things, especially now. I can't-- I won't do something that will ruin anything with you again. I can't." I say, and by now I'm looking down at my fingers in my lap.
"Shai. Look at me." Theo says calmly, lifting my chin.
"You won't ruin anything. Because there's nothing to ruin, nothing to regret. Shai, I want you. I need you. Nothing is going to break us apart, not again." He tells me, making a single tear slide down my cheek. Leaving a staining path behind.
"I love you." Theo says, and I can't respond. Not with words anyway. I kiss him.
Not a soft gentle kiss, one with force. One with purpose, one filled with passion.
Our lips colliding again and again in a burning passion, not caring that we're supposed to be getting ready.
All that matters is this; the kiss that intensifies with each second. Our lips loving and lingering, holding each other close.
Theo is the first to pull back, us both in the need of a bit of air.
"See. Nothing can tear us apart." He whispers, his lips so close to mine. His breath fanning my cheek.
"I love you." He whispers before I kiss him again, knowing that he's right.
This is now, this is what and where we're supposed to be. Together, in love, as a family.
YOU ARE READING
James: The Miracle Within My Mistake
Fanfiction"It was one night. One drunken sweaty night. And the worst part, is that I hardly remember it." James... My four month old little boy, the little angel that was the result of that night. Is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. It...
