Make or break

chapter 16

(Kels p.o.v.)

Laying in my bed once I get home at 2 a.m. falling asleep waking up at 5 p.m. I get Ariana to get me a smoothie she stayed for a few hours but had to go to the studio well she told me that but I don't blame for for leaving I'm just sitting in bed looking at a wall I fall asleep at 8 p.m.

than I wake up at 3 p.m. Justin comes over trying to get me to eat for a few hours then he gives up and just talks to me about what's going on with him and how my brother's and sister's are doing I fall asleep on him then I wake up at 4 p.m. Cody comes over giving me a smoothie this happened for 4 weeks till something hit me

The 5 weeks consistent of waking up at 1 though 6 p.m. eating a smoothie listen to them talk then fall asleep I haven't took a shower, I haven't brushed my teeth, I haven't really gotten out of bed other then go to the bathroom it's as if the love of my life broke up with me but my brother die with is a lot worse I held up for a few months then I just crumpled into a mess, but something came over me I see my guitars and just look at them

Then a few weeks later I get out of bed slowly but I do get out and walk over to my guitars and touch the neck of them

Then a week later it was a little easier to get out of bed I pick up my guitar filling it I play a few strings then I sit down with it on my lap and just pluck a few strings and play it a little on it smiling at my achievement

The next day I pick up my guitar and think of a song and play every string with more effort than the last then play the song completely I play a song :)

Then I open my blue curtains pulling then to the side so I can see the backyard walking to my closet picking out a blue crop top and black ripped shorts going to the bathroom I take a shower then brush my teeth putting my hair up in a bun then making myself put on eyeliner

Walking over to my guitars I pick up my newly stringed acoustic guitar sitting on my desk chair I take out my phone and take a picture of me posting it on Twitter and Instagram ~I got out of bed :) goal ~

Sitting down I warm up my voice

I set up the camera and sit down getting ready

"Hi guys,I've missed you, I'm sorry, well this is young volcanoes." Look at the camera I say in a sad voice

When Rome's in ruin,
We are the lions free of the coliseums
In poison places, we are anti-venom
We're the beginning of the end

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds
It's all over now
Before it has begun
We've already won

We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana, exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

Come on, make it easy, say I never mattered
Run it up the flag pole,
We will teach you how to make boys next door out of assholes

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds
And it's all over now
Before it has begun
We've already won

We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana, exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana, exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?

"Thanks." I end the video

Then I hit record again

"I guess you want to know why I'm not at the concerts,well here you go." I look at the camera

"One I'm very sorry but I couldn't handle it." I look at the ground

"My brother Casey died a few months ago,he had cancer, he was a brave little boy, he always new what to say, he was a fighter all his life, 8 years of his life the whole time he was alive, he always told me this it doesn't matter what your doing as long as your happy if your not change it or change your point of view, and I've had to do that." Looking up at the camera with tears in my eyes

"My brother die,my dad is almost dead so I have to look at it a different way,one thing I'm doing this and in this place for a reason I just don't know why yet probably won't know but life is crazy and difficult as fuck." I tell them crying

"It's was so hard,and is still now I'm getting thought it one piece at a time, I'm going to face live head on here and now." I tell the camera tuning it off going to edit it