Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

Cats

“Oh my God, what?” I shout as I see the silhouette of Baekhyun approaching me.

Sehun had not mentioned Byun Baekhyun would be over AGAIN today.

He had already come over in the morning for breakfast. But really? We’d only just finished dinner.

Well, I had eaten mine sitting in front of my laptop whilst Sehun had eaten in the kitchen, mumbling something about hygiene.

Bits of rice were still stuck to the ceiling from like a week ago.

Maybe I should clean my room?

Nah.

Wait, hang on. Byun Baekhyun is here.

OK, this is awkward.

Close your Tumblr, Chanyeol.

Yeah brain, I totally hadn’t thought of that.

Quick! He’s almost right behind you!

Yeah, yeah, I’m trying.

WHY DID MY COMPUTER JUST FREEZE??

Oh God Chanyeol. Look at what it froze on!!

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

My laptop screen had decided to freeze on a close-up of Baekhyun’s ass. Oh Lord.

“What are you doing Chanyeol?”

Oh fuck.

Close the lid of your laptop, quickly.

I attempt to follow the instructions of my brain, but sadly I reach too far with my hand, smash it on the desk, howl in pain, proceed to flap my arms around like a chicken trying to fly, and fall over backwards in my chair.

Too late.

“Is that my… uh, OK.”

Byun Baekhyun is sitting on the edge of my bed, his hands in his lap, his view unobstructed from the incriminating laptop screen.

He must think you do naughty things in bed whilst looking at his butt or something.

Oh God brain, what even?

Again, he is as flawless as usual. His lips are cute and pouty with obvious lip gloss coating them, his eyes have the usual ring of highly sexual eyeliner around them.

Are you trying to prove me correct?

No, not at all.

I want to grab the stapler off my desk and throw it at his face because he’s just TOO PERFECT but then I decide that’s kind of a rude thing to do.

“Uh, sorry?”

I am still flat on my back, my arms still flapping as I attempt to get up.

Calm down, Chanyeol. 

I still can’t get up, I think I’m hyperventilating. This is all just so… awkward.

Chanyeol, awkward is your middle name. Park Awkward Chanyeol.

“Oh. My. God.”

Byun Baekhyun decides that instead of watching me fail at life, he will lay on the floor right next to me.

Actually, scratch that. He decides better still to sit his cute little ass on top of my stomach.

If there is a God, why must he tempt me so?

Byun Baekhyun, why must you sit in that position?

Baekhyun decides to roll around on top of me to find the optimum sitting position.

Chanyeol. Calm down.

What?

You’re getting turned on.

I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I hide my face in my hands and squawk at my stupidity.

This cannot end well.

Chanyeol. Seriously. Just think about cats.

Cats?

Where the fuck did that come from?

“Yah Chanyeol, what are you thinking about?” Baekhyun asks.

“Cats.”

“Cats?”

You sound like one of those cat ladies with like 50 cats in your apartment or something.

“My brain is retarded, OK?” I manage to choke out.

"But I'm not mental or anything. My mum had me tested."

I wish this part wasn't true, but it actually was. My mum always did think I was a little bit special.

Byun Baekhyun doesn’t want me to think about cats, I realise.

He straddles me, sticking both his legs on either side of my torso, and proceeds to lie on top of me, his chest on mine, his hands on either side of my head.

Fucking hell.

Baekhyun bridges the gap between us and whispers seductively into my ear.

“Do you have a fetish for cats?”

I cough and splutter, clearly flustered.

WHAT?

Heh.

Heheh.

EHEHEHEHE.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh no, not again Chanyeol.

My body starts to shake uncontrollably as clucking noises escape my mouth.

My eyes crinkle up and I look like I’m mental.

My arms flap and flap and I slap my legs repeatedly, despite having to reach around Baekhyun to do so.

Your laugh, Chanyeol. It’s weird. Baekhyun’s going to think you have some serious issues.

Wait, scratch that. He already does.

“Uh, what was that?” Baekhyun asks as my laughter subsides.

“Um, you were joking right?” I ask.

Baekhyun shrugs.

“Whatever.”

The idol sits up and stands, reaching out his hand for me. I take it, pulling myself off the ground.

“So, uh. I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?” Baekhyun asks in a small voice.

A squawk.

Walrus sounds.

And an almighty pterodactyl screech.

“Hang on, you’re still kidding, right?”

Baekhyun only blushes.

Wait, what?

What?

WHAT?

Byun Baekhyun just asked you out, Park Awkward Chanyeol.

I try and clear my mind, nodding excitedly. I scrunch up my left eye to express my excitement.

Sometimes words escape me, but Byun Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind.

"It's a date then."

He smiles at me and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.