Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

Smexy Times... but not really.

Byun Baekhyun smiles at me as he slides his hands down my sides, leaving me breathless.

“If you want me to stop, just say so,” he breathes into my ear.

I shiver.

I feel like I’m stuck to the sheets with the way I’m sweating right now, like my whole body has been covered in petrol and Byun Baekhyun’s got the lighter to take me to my fiery doom.

We kiss, in a clash of lips and limbs.

My nose brushes his, and I can’t help but giggle this obscenely girly giggle as I attempt to move my face in a better position for him to kiss me.

Baekhyun tugs on my hair, effectively tilting my head sideways.

I’m about as horny as a fat rhinoceros.

Aren’t you actually a fat rhinoceros?

No. You’re ruining the moment.

That’s what I’m here for, Park Chanyeol.

Thanks.

Sarcasm?

Na duh.

As my head is tugged sideways, Byun Baekhyun trails kisses all the way from my ear down my jawline, and continues right down my torso.

Once Baekhyun reaches my right nipple, he takes it into his mouth, grabs my left between his fingers and pinches it playfully.

I groan.

I can feel him pressed against me, his hips grinding slightly upwards towards mine.

Oh.

Byun Baekhyun is short.

It doesn’t take him much effort to bring his knee against my bulging underwear.

“Oh God!”

Byun Baekhyun chuckles, his warm breath tickling and warming my pale skin.

He takes his hands from my hair and runs them around me, bringing me into a tight embrace as he lifts his lips to mine once more.

That knee is pressing harder and harder.

Baekhyun smirks at every physical reaction he has evoked.

Not to mention the cat-dying-moan sound.

Baekhyun flicks his tongue along my lips and I gasp.

Oh.

I feel his hand travel south, but I can’t really do anything. I’m just laying here, a complete mess.

My eyes flutter open in ecstasy.

That.

Do that again.

Oh.

Oh.

Yes, oh.

Just above Byun Baekhyun’s pillow is a picture of me. A very, very unattractive picture of me.

I remember right when this happened.

Byun Baekhyun was being saucy.

We had both been sitting on the couch, my old-school Nintendo was sitting on the floor and Baekhyun was watching as I slashed my way through Moblins on my way to the Forest Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

In all honesty, I had felt like a boss.

Well, perhaps less of a fail as you usually are. I wouldn’t say boss.

But that’s beside the point.

Continue.

I hadn’t even lost a single bit of heart as I dashed my way around the hedges, using my Z-targeting to peak around and see if one of those spear-wielding beasts would charge at me.

I really thought I had hit the pause button, really I did.

But you didn’t.

Feeling rather parched from making weird victorious sounds every time an enemy was slashed by Link’s sword, I had grabbed my bubble tea and taken a swig.

Stupid Park Chanyeol.

I didn’t pause.

As I made the sound of a deranged whale when I realised my health was decreasing rapidly, and Link was flashing red as he was stabbed repeatedly by pixelated Moblins, I spat out half of my mouth-full of the substance.

All over the carpet.

All over Byun Baekhyun.

I think it also poured out of your nose.

I had almost, almost choked on one of the tapioca balls.

Byun Baekhyun had slapped my back, hard, and the little ball had gone flying.

It landed on the screen and stuck to it, just as the ‘GAME OVER’ screen decided to pop up.

Where the fuck did Byun Baekhyun put that camera?

I was covered in bubble tea, not quite from head to toe. Byun Baekhyun was petting my head, holding a glass of water to my lips as I attempted to swallow and regain my digestive system and lung capacity simultaneously.

I looked like a constipated cow.

I look like a constipated cow in that picture.

That picture that’s sitting there whilst Byun Baekhyun is touching me in places that really shouldn’t be touched on a person that can make faces like that.

Imagine what your sex faces would look like.

I’m actually scared.

You should be.

How does Byun Baekhyun even find this attractive!?

Beats me.

“Stop, please.”

Baekhyun looks a little agitated and disappointed, but he pulls up and looks me straight in the eye anyway.

I blush.

“Uh, well, thing is…” I mutter.

He groans.

“It’s the pictures, isn’t it?”

I squeak.

It’s like he can read my mind.

Magical, mind-reading, attractive, beautiful, perfect, flawless Byun Baekhyun.

I pterodactyl screech and run out of the room, still in my boxers.

I don’t stop running until I reach my apartment. It is only upon opening the front door that I realise half of Seoul has seen me parading around in practically nothing.

Why.

Am.

I.

Like.

This?