Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

The End?

"Chanyeol, come out now!" Suho yells.  

"NO!"  

I know I sound like a five year old after they've been told by their mother they're not allowed to buy that bar of chocolate at the check out.   

I want to chuck the godfather of tantrums right now.  

"You should go out," Baekhyun tells me.  

"Go out and face them about it."  

What is 'it', you ask?  

Well, my past er... Blunders... In the emotional department. Self harm is written on everyone's lips at the moment, and it scares me.  

It's nothing I'm proud about at all. I don't want to talk about it anymore.  

"Chanyeol. Please. We want to know why!"  

It's Kris.  

"We want to help you as best we can!"  

It's Suho.  

"Guys, just give him some space. He'll tell you about it when he's ready, OK."  

I'm sitting on my bed, Byun Baekhyun is right here with me.  

It occurs to me that he's the only one I've told about this, he's the only one that I've trusted to know.   I didn't even tell Sehun or Kai, even though they were there much longer.  

Byun Baekhyun is special.  

I smile at Baekhyun and kiss him, slowly. I drag my tongue along his jawline and wrap my arms around his waist.  

We part, and heave in deep breaths. Baekhyun lifts my shirt off and pushes me down on the bed.    His hands trace the scars.  

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be for you then, but I'm here now. I love you, Park Chanyeol."  

He kisses my nose.  

"I love you more than I've ever loved someone before. The scars you have are what make you you. And I love you, and only you."  

I run my hand over Baekhyun's cheek. It's soft, like I had imagined all that time ago.  

Back before I knew him like I know him now.  

Back before when I stalked his flawless face on Tumblr.  

Back before I had a life worth living.  

"Baekhyun, you're without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me."  

Baekhyun smiles softly.  

"And you mine."  

We sit there, listening as the others argue who should kick the door down; each with the reason not to.  

Some think we need some privacy; whilst others, Kris, don't want to break a fingernail.  

"Kris you realise that if you break a door down you'll use your feet rather than your hands!" Suho shouts.  

"But what if I do break a nail? What if I hurt my face? It makes me my money!"  

I chuckle.  

We're all idiots.   

All big, stupid idiots walking on this place we refer to as Earth.  

All beautiful, unique individuals that take what we've got for granted in the hopes for something better, yet all insignificant to the greater scheme of things.  

I sigh, ripping off my jeans, standing only in my boxers. You can see clearly the scars that line my waist, and for once in my life I don't care.  

I'd been wearing long shirts since debuting, but only because the scars on my arms have not yet healed.   

I had always told the others that didn't know it was an accident. Just a car accident that happened years ago but left the scars.  

I know Sehun, Kai, Kyungsoo and Luhan are still not confident talking about it with the others.   But perhaps it's time.  

"I'm ready." I tell Baekhyun.  

He hums to himself, getting up from the bed and pressing his hand on the doorknob. I nod.   There's a chill in the air, but I ignore it. I walk out after Baekhyun and everyone follows us quietly into the living room.  

Luhan and Sehun have made their reappearance, they're just as concerned as the others.  

"Guys, this is the real me," I begin, sitting on the couch. I make a gesture towards my middle.  

It's clear there are small incisions that left scars across my skin.  

It is clear that in the past I did things that normal people wouldn't have done to themselves.  

But who said anything about me being normal?  

"Yes, I used to hate myself. Yes, I had problems. But that's the past. I have a life worth living, and I'm just really happy I have amazing people to share it with."  

Suho gives me a nod of approval.  

"You guys don't ever need to worry about me."  

"That's what I'm for," Baekhyun interjects.  

"Why did you never tell me?" Sehun asks in a raised voice.  

"All this time you've been hurting and there was nothing I could do because you never told me. I could have been a better friend and roommate. Why?"  

I think for a minute.  

"I wasn't comfortable with myself. You know my past, how I was never wanted."  

"I'm so stupid, I should have seen it!" Sehun yells, whacking himself on the head.  

"It's not your fault."  

"Yes it is! All this time!"  

I shake my head at him.  

"All this time you've been a rock, Sehun. You've been solid every time I've crumbled and you've picked me back up. I can't have asked for a better friend."  

I turn to Kai, who looks really upset.  

"Don't blame yourself either. I wasn't exactly forthcoming with the information."  

I let my eyes flicker over the rest of the EXO members. They're all staring at me with... Empathy.   I realise I don't need to hide anymore.  

"I think everyone has their own problems," Suho announces to the room.  

"What we have to do is acknowledge those problems and try our best to help out, if they want our help."  

He gives me a warm smile.  

"Thanks, Chanyeol, for sharing this information with us. It must have been hard."  

I give a small nod.  

"It was. But I think I can handle myself now."  

Well, handle myself as best as I know I can, what with the arm flailing and weirdly twitching eyes and my awkward laugh.  

Something tells me I will always run into doorways, hit my head on low beams, and stub my toes on walls that I'm pretty sure weren't ever where I thought they were.  

I'm still going to fail at ice skating, I'll always be scared of horror movies, I'll be awkward and swear a lot when I'm sick.  

I'll always have stupid friends. Kai the sexy dancer, Kyungsoo the cooking mother, Luhan the Twilight nut, Sehun the poker faced asshole of a best friend with a tea obsession.  

Kris, Tao, Xiumin, Chen, Suho, Lay. They'll all be there too, learning and laughing and crying along with me.   There's also Byun Baekhyun. And he's all I need.