Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

Sugar, Spice, and Trace Amounts of Derp

“Hey, I think he’s waking up!”

“Oh my gosh, shut up Chen! What if he’s trying to sleep?”

Thump.

“Ouch you dick! Why’d you punch me in the arm?”

“Stop fighting!”

Silence.

“But Kreeeeeeeeeeeeeeejsdblljkdsfbsfbakbfkjabs, Kyungie-poo punched me in the arm and now my arm hurts!”

“DON’T CALL MY BOYFRIEND KYUNGIE-POO! ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE PET NAMES FOR HIM, RIGHT SUGAR CAKES?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“LANGUAGE!”

I groan, eyes fluttering open, receiving a few gasps from the idiots congregated before me.

“Chanyerr!”

Soon, my eyes come slowly into focus. I scan the room, trying to sit up. They’re all here, everyone but him. Where is he?

“AH!”

“Don’t strain yourself!” Sehun says, pushing me back into the bed sheets.

I look around. The room’s got these putrid, feral looking brown walls, a mix of squished bananas and baby vomit. It smells even worse.

“Where the hell am I?” I rasp out.

“Hospital,” Kris responds, sitting on the end of my bed. He tilts his head to the side, examining me with his eyes.

“Where’s Baekhyun?” I ask.

“Outside, talking to Luhan,” Sehun says, eyeing me carefully. He’s sitting in the chair next to me, sipping on what looks like coffee in a plastic cup.

Classy.

Oh God. Do not.

Too late…

My left eye crinkles up, and I cackle, choking on my own saliva that’s been caught in my throat for god knows how long as I stare at his vacant expression.

Sehun the goat.

Sehun the classy goat drinking coffee out of a plastic cup.

“Chanyeol, you OK?” Suho asks.

I nod.

“Classy goat,” I say, pointing to Sehun. He just rolls his eyes and presses the palm of his hand to my forehead.

“His fever’s passing,” he announces to the room.

“Huh?”

Sehun scowls.

“How much exactly do you remember?” he asks, blinking a couple of times. I giggle hysterically, pointing at his face.

“I think they gave Chanyeol a little too much morphine!” Chen shouts, throwing his hands up in the air. I giggle again.

“Or, maybe he’s finally lost it,” Xiumin agrees.

“I haven’t lost anything, because I had nothing to begin with,” I say, my voice scratchy like sandpaper, so I cough a few times between words.

“Baekhyun doesn’t love me anymore, does he?” I ask pointedly.

“I totally understand if he doesn’t, I mean, I’ve been horrible and self-centered and I never paid him any attention and I took him for granted and all I really can say is sorry to him and maybe kill myself off because I don’t deserve to live anymore.”

There’s a gasp.

“Chanyeol?”

I tilt my head to the side, facing the doorway, where the new voice came from.

I know it’s him.

“Hi…” I mumble.

I turn away from him, staring up at the ceiling. I remember exactly what happened. How he threw my stuff out the door, how I ran into that stupid forest in the stupid cold with nothing but that stupid glow in the dark watch.

At a loss for adjectives, are we?

Very funny, brain.

Not funny, hilarious. The thought process you’ve got at the moment. It’s either about wanting to kill yourself or gay flying unicorns.

…

Excuse me?

You’re excused.

No, I mean what? Gay flying unicorns?

“Gay flying unicorns,” I mumble, pointing at the ceiling. There’s this ugly white paint that’s kind of more putrid cream than actual white, and it’s flaking around the edges.

“Yep, he’s lost it!” Chen announces.

I hear a shuffle, and I squeak as Baekhyun leans over me, his eyes mere centimetres from mine.

“Excuse me but can thou kindly remove thou face from thy line of sight? That flaky paint is sexy.” I almost poke him in the eyeball.

“Chanyeol?” he chokes.

Baekhyun is crying.

“It’s alright if you don’t love me anymore, it just means I really don’t have a reason to live anymore, so if you’d just kindly leave, that would be greatly appreciated.”

Wow, cold much?

No. Not cold. Realistic.

Baekhyun sighs, moving away from me. He stands between Luhan and Kyungsoo, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

He’s still crying.

“I had a lot of time to think things through as I was dying in the snow,” I announce to the room, my voice deep and shaky.

“You didn’t have to save me, you could have just left me there.”

“We didn’t...” Kris says, running an exasperated hand through his hair.

“Baekhyun did.”

I sit there in silence, letting the words slowly sink in.

“Wait, what?”

“When it started getting dark, we all panicked,” Sehun begins, taking Luhan’s hand and dragging him onto his lap.

“So we ripped the door of that cabin down, which you’re paying for by the way, dragged Baekhyun out, and told him you were still missing. Somehow, he knew exactly where to find you.”

I scrunch up an eye.

“Really?” I ask.

“Yeah, it was so weird. Like Baekhyun was psychic or some shit,” Chen says.

“Chen!”

Chen sticks his hands up in resignation as he’s shoved by Kai.

“What?” he complains loudly.

“You could be nicer,” Luhan pouts. Chen shrugs.

“Meh.”

I stare out the window, thoughtfully.

“I never was any good at ice skating…”