Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

Dedication

“Chanyeol, you’re coming on a double date with me and Luhan, OK?” Sehun asked in his annoying voice one day.

“What?”

“Baekhyun told me all about it, so you’re officially a couple now?”

As official as falling over and sliding around on your ass a thousand times is.

Brain!

“I suppose.”

I wasn’t really sure how things escalated so quickly between me and Baekhyun, I mean I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, let alone one with a God.

That’s because you put anyone Sehun sets you up with on the first date completely off.

Hey, that’s not true. That guy… whatever his name was...? Um…

Suho.

 Yeah, Suho! He asked for a second date, if I remember correctly! So there.

He felt sorry for you.

Pretty sure he didn’t.

Did you see his face when you overcooked the rice and almost set the kitchen on fire? Of course he felt sorry for you.

Hey, the kitchen was never on fire.

Yeah, but that’s only because Sehun had that fire extinguisher installed and Suho’s quick thinking.

“CHANYEOL!” Sehun yells.

“What?”

“Baekhyun’s here, aren’t you going to let him in?”

I shuffle my way towards the door, and almost run into the hat stand in the process.

I push open the door and slink back with a blush on my face.

Oh, he dressed up.

I feel incompetent.

Here I am, sitting in my trademark green print hoodie and my most worn grey (that actually used to be black) jeans, and Baekhyun is standing in the doorway in an outrageously attractive black suit, complete with a flashy black tie.

He’s wearing shoes that look like they’d be ten times my pay check if I actually bothered to show up for work.

Nothing at all like my bright red converse sneakers.

Park Awkward Chanyeol, there’s a saying that first impressions are very important…

What are you implying?

Nothing... but you do look like some trash Sehun picked up off the street.

Thanks, brain. I really do enjoy your compliments.

You’re welcome.

“I’ll uh… I’ll get changed.” I mumble agitated.

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“You look fine.”

The dinner is spent awkwardly.

We go to this flashy restaurant in the middle of the city, and I’m surprised that Sehun can even afford his meal let alone also pay for Luhan’s.

The restaurant is Chinese, and lantern-thingies line the ceiling. The room itself is a formidable size, the walls adorned with expensive looking paintings, a large water fountain sitting in the middle.

There are like ten waiters or something, and they are constantly on the prowl, pouring water into glasses repeatedly like they want us to either swim or drown.

This makes me want to run to the bathroom constantly as my eyes are in line with said water fountain.

I am constantly given dirty looks by the restaurant owner, who seats us all the furthest away from the window as not to attract too much attention. My attire is all wrong; no one told me we would be going somewhere so formal.

As dish after dish is brought forward, I question my knowledge on the use of chopsticks. Usually, I slurp my noodles, but tonight this is inappropriate.

How does one even eat properly with chopsticks without getting splashes of broth all over the tablecloth?

Beats me.

The night has only just begun and I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable.

Sehun fits in with his suit and tie that he wears on special occasions, and Luhan gets away with anything at the bat of his eyelashes.

Byun Baekhyun is flawless.

It takes all my willpower not to stare at his crotch. Those pants are way too tight.

What is that flawless being trying to do to me?

Chanyeol, step away from the Byun Baekhyun before someone gets hurt.

It is too long before we get back to the apartment. Sehun had decided to go back to Luhan’s place for a little privacy.

Which is code for sex.

I’m not stupid.

So that just leaves Byun Baekhyun and I to our own devices in my horribly quiet apartment.

“You removed all the posters,” Baekhyun grumbles as he sticks his head into my bedroom.

“Why?”

I shrug and sit on the edge of my bed.

Just tell him the truth, Park Awkward Chanyeol.

“Well, my brain’s been telling me I’m like some kind of psycho stalker, so I decided it may be better if I attempted to act normally around you. Well, relatively normal. As normal as staring at your crotch for three hours gets. Aren’t those pants tight? I mean, look at them. Don’t you get uncomfortable?”

I gasp in realization.

“Nevermind, I shouldn’t have even said that.”

You actually told him you were staring at his crotch. All dinner.

Cock up after cock up.

Why am I even like this?

Why?

“I don’t even know. I don’t know why. I can’t. Why am I not normal?” I mumble to myself.

Byun Baekhyun gives me his trademark dazzling smile, and I melt.

I am like putty in his fingertips; he can mold and move me whichever way he wants and I will still want to embed his face into my brain’s computer mainframe so that I will forever dream of his flawless face.

“Chanyeol, it’s OK.” Baekhyun sits down on the bed next to me.

“I like you just the way you are.”

I swear my heart just spontaneously combusted.

No, your brain imploded.

Byun Baekhyun presses his lips to my forehead and runs a hand through my hair.

I like where this is going.

Brain, you’re like five years ahead of yourself. Sexual fantasies. Really?

What is a poor Park Awkward Chanyeol to do?

I am left feeling emotionally compromised as Byun Baekhyun bids me goodnight and departs from my apartment.

There is no way my love for Byun Baekhyun can be normal.

I blame the hormones.

Probably.

Actually, no. I’m just dedicated.

A dedicated stalker.