Chanyeol's Epic Fail (not mine)

Channie-Poo's Audition

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HAVE I BEEN PUNK’D?” I yell, drawing a few interested gazes.

More like weirded-out.

SHUT UP!

Sehun just shrugs.

“It wasn’t me. Also, mind your tongue.”

I feel constipated. So constipated, in fact, I wonder if my lunch will come out both ends in a matter of seconds.

I follow a short lady with a name tag reading ‘Jin-Hee’ as she leads me down the corridor and into a ridiculously large room, one lined with mirrors all over the walls.

I feel squishy.

Squishy, Chanyeol? Squishy? At least pick a better adjective.

My stomach is churning, and my head is spinning.

“Park Chanyeol, is it?” a tall man in a tight business suit asks. I nod.

They look intimidating. There’s six in total, all sitting behind a long desk. I realise they are my judges. It’s like the fucking X Factor.

Although I’m positively sure there is really no X Factor to be found in my veins.

Oh Chanyeol. You totally have the X Factor. The X Factor in being an awkward fuck.

Urgh!

I stand awkwardly in the centre of the room, while the judge-people stare at me and do the very thing they’re paid to do. Judge.

“We listened to the audition tape for one Byun Baekhyun. Once he’d finished singing, there was a pause. We were about to stop it, but then there was a deep voice rapping. Baekhyun told us it was you.”

Oh God no.

No one was supposed to hear that.

Fuck.

“I thought I had deleted that off the end!” I run a hand through my hair.

“Er…”

“Rap for us.”

I inhale deeply.

Well, that was unexpected. I really should find a desk to flip. I would flip that one there, but it looks far too heavy for even me.

Maybe Kris could flip it.

Park Chanyeol, they are waiting for you to stuff it up. Get your act together.

I realise I have nothing prepared, nothing at all. I begin to gulp like a fish.

Get it together, Chanyeol.

I do the only thing I can. I rap.

At first, the judges just watch me with their beady creepy eyes, and I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

Well, maybe not a deer. Maybe a moth. About to die. Because of the bug-zappy thing that’s hanging from the ceiling right where the light is.

Yeah.

It confuses the crap out of me, really, when the judge on the far left begins to nod his head, along to my beat.

I gain confidence. After all, there’s no turning back now.

I beat-box.

Loudly.

Obnoxiously.

And then they begin to clap their hands along, like a sextet of applauding seals. It’s quit amusing to watch, actually.

Men in suits, like Men in Black only Korean.

Also clapping spasticatedly.

Golden sight.

Once I’ve gotten tired, I stop abruptly, but they continue clapping. Loudly.

“Erm, how did I go?” I squeak.

I think they know that I know that they know that I am good. But I ask just in case anyway.

“You’re in. Park Chanyeol, as of now, you’re an SM trainee. Do well.”

My eyes twitch, and I break out into the biggest smile. A judge frowns.

“You’re a bit of a derp, but we’ll sort that right out,” he says.

Hahahaha. Chanyeol. Derp.

Why?

Why am I like this?

“I’ll try my best.”

I bow, and exit the room, still not sure what the fuck just happened.

I scan the corridor. I’m on the other side, where everyone goes after they’ve auditioned.

There’s a stack of people crying or sobbing or just making ugly whale sounds at one side of the room, and I assume these are the people that failed to make it through.

‘Jin-Hee’ congratulates me and pushes me to the opposite side of the room. There’s a registration desk and a pile of cards sitting on the desk. One, I realise, will be my card.

My trainee card.

For SM.

Mine.

We get it.

Let me savor the moment!

“Chanyeol?”

My head snaps around as I look for that familiar voice. Byun Baekhyun. I find him standing in the queue.

The same queue as me.

“You got in.” I say.

Yes.

I was right.

Wait, Byun Baekhyun got in?

“FUCK! YOU GOT IN!”

I jump up and down and arm flail, almost taking the head off one ‘Jin-Hee’. I gasp, apologise and bow like crazy, and run over to Baekhyun.

“YOU GOT IN! YOU GOT IN! YOU GOT IN!”

There are no more words.

You sound like a broken record.

“SHUT UP BRAIN!”

Several heads snap around.

“Um…”

Baekhyun laughs really loudly from somewhere around me, and I realise I haven’t congratulated him fully yet.

I tackle him, almost forcing him to the ground in the process. My arms snake around his stomach, and I capture his lips with mine.

Baekhyun pulls away and uses his left hand to stroke my cheek.

“Did you get in?” he asks.

All I can do is nod.

Wait.

I got in.

You are really slow, Park Chanyeol.