Infinite Magic (Male Reader x Harry Potter)

''Ron Ejaculated Loudly''

When we entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom they found Professor Umbridge already seated at the teacher's desk, wearing the fluffy pink cardigan of the night before and the black velvet bow on top of her head. I was reminded of a large fly perched unwisely on top of an even larger toad. The class was quiet as it entered the room. Professor Umbridge was, as yet, an unknown quantity and nobody knew yet how strict a disciplinarian she was likely to be.

Umbridge: Well, good afternoon!

A few people mumbled "Good afternoon," in reply.

Umbridge: Tut, tut. That won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!

Class: Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.

Umbridge: There, now. That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please.

Many of the class exchanged gloomy looks. The order "wands away" had never yet been followed by a lesson we had found interesting. I stowed my wand back inside my robes and pulled out a quill, a bottle of ink, and a sheaf of parchment. Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wand, which was an unusually short one, and tapped the blackboard sharply with it. Words appeared on the board at once. "Defense Against the Dark Arts: A Return to Basic Principles".

Umbridge: Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it? The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your O.W.L. year. You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following, please.

She rapped the blackboard again. The first message vanished and was replaced by:

Course aims:

1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.

2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.

3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.

For a couple of minutes the room was full of the sound of scratching quills on parchment. When everyone had copied down Professor Umbridge's three course aims, she spoke again.

Umbridge: Has everybody got a copy of "Defensive Magical Theory" by Wilbert Slinkhard?

There was a dull murmur of assent throughout the class.

Umbridge: I think we'll try that again. When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge,' or 'No, Professor Umbridge.' So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?

Class: Yes, Professor Umbridge.

Umbridge: Good. I should like you to turn to page five and read chapter one, 'Basics for Beginners.' There will be no need to talk.

Professor Umbridge left the blackboard and settled herself in the chair behind the teacher's desk, observing us all with those pouchy toad's eyes. I turned to page five of my copy of "Defensive Magical Theory" and started to read. It was desperately dull, nearly as bad as listening to Professor Binns. I felt my concentration sliding away from me. I had soon read the same line half a dozen times without taking in more than the first few words. Several silent minutes passed. Next to me, Ava was absentmindedly turning her quill over and over in her fingers, staring at the same spot on the page. I looked right and received a surprise that shook me out of my boredom. Hermione had not even opened her copy of Defensive Magical Theory. She was staring fixedly at Professor Umbridge with her hand in the air. I couldn't remember Hermione ever neglecting to read when instructed to, or resisting the temptation to open any book that came under her nose. I stared at her questioningly, but she merely shook her head slightly to indicate that she was not about to answer questions, and continued to stare at Professor Umbridge, who was looking just as resolutely in another direction. After several more minutes had passed, however, I was not the only one watching Hermione. The chapter we had been instructed to read was so tedious that more and more people were choosing to watch Hermione's mute attempt to catch Professor Umbridge's eye than to struggle on with "Basics for Beginners." When more than half the class were staring at Hermione rather than at their books, Professor Umbridge seemed to decide that she could ignore the situation no longer.