What Are You Looking For? Part 2: The Liturgy and the Sacraments

The Sacrament of Matrimony: That Two May Become One Flesh

The Sacrament of Matrimony: That Two May Become One Flesh

                There is a lot more to two people becoming one flesh than just the marital embrace, though that is part of it.  “’Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter – appeal of the body and instinct, power for feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will.  It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility.  In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values.’”  (CCC 1643)

                Just as marriage is so much more than just the marital embrace, so the marital embrace is so much more than what we see in society today, especially in the media.  It is within the marital embrace that the bride and the groom not only become one flesh, but also one heart.  Because this one heart is formed, total trust must be able to be given.  The spouse must know that the other will never leave.  They must know that the other will never be with another.  One way a groom shows this promise of faithfulness to his bride and that a bride shows it to her husband is when they have kept themselves pure and chaste until the wedding.  It is much easier to believe you will be the only one, when no others have come before you. 

                In our world today we have settled for so much less by not teaching our children the sanctity of chastity.  This is partly because in our world today marriages aren’t viewed as a sacrament very often.  Even in some Protestant traditions, while they believe marriage is only between a man and a woman and it should last a lifetime, they don’t view marriage as a sacrament.  By removing the sacramental nature of marriage from our teachings on marriage, we have cheapened it.  Within the Catholic Church, however, marriage is still, and always will be a sacrament.  For that reason, things like polygamy will never be okay.  How can my marital embrace be exclusive, faithful and united if I am exclusive, faithful and united to multiple husbands?  Exclusive can only be exclusive if there is only one.  Besides, why would anyone want more than one spouse?  The logistics would be a nightmare.

                In our world today, marriage also is seldom expected to last until death.  Divorce is easily obtained.  In my opinion, there are only 3 deal breakers to a marriage.  They are the three A’s.  Abuse, Adultery and Addiction.  Only the first two are grounds for divorce, and not even adultery necessarily is.  Any abusive relationship should be ended immediately.   As beloved children of God, he doesn’t want us hurt.  An abusive relationship in no way mirrors Christ’s love for his Bride, the Church.  Christ’s love is gentle and humble, it is completely self-giving.  It is never harsh, violent or mean.  It never demands and then punishes when the demands aren’t met.  Abuse does all of those things.  Marriage is to elevate the dignity of both the husband and the wife, not diminish or subjugate it.

                Adultery is another potential deal breaker.  It would depend on several factors, like is it habitual or a one-time mistake?  Can forgiveness be given and unity and trust restored, or will it always be the elephant in the room, poisoning the relationship and the entire family?  God forgave and restored Israel for their infidelities many times.  We are called to do the same, but sometimes it is difficult, if not impossible to do because the wounds are too great.

                With addiction, as long as the addictive behavior is continuing, while the couple shouldn’t divorce, they should live apart.  The Church does permit this; however the couple is still married, therefore they can’t “see” anyone else and must live in purity and chastity when apart.  Again, these are only my opinions.

                What is obvious is that today too many people get married because they are attracted to the other, or because they have lived together for a certain number of years (do I really have to say that living together and enjoying conjugal love before you are married is a mortal sin?) and marriage is the “next step” in the relationship.  We’ve gotten the steps out of order.  This is one reason divorce is so rampant today.  We have easy phrases like, “irreconcilable differences” and “we just grew apart”.  The reality is that there are very few differences that can’t be reconciled if two people are committed to finding a way and willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.  And no two people are ever going to grow at the same rate at the same time.

                The only way to make a marriage last a lifetime is to do things together.  Pray together.  Go to reconciliation together.  Receive the Eucharist together.  Read the Bible together.  Pray the Rosary together.  Keep your marital embrace exclusive.  Through the sacraments you will receive more than enough grace to have your marriage last a lifetime.  No matter what life may throw at you.