Lilium {Mo Dao Zu Shi}

Lilac [Chapter 31]

QingHe.

Yu ZiYuan didn't miss this place all that much.

For some very, very odd reason. She had never seemed to like this place.

She knew why. This place held ominous memories for her.

"HuaiSang, have you tried reconciling with them?" Yu ZiYuan asked, sipping the tea softly.

The Nie sect leader was fanning himself, brown eyes dark with something Yu ZiYuan couldn't point out. Maybe it was that calculative mind Wei WuXian had warned him about in one of their conversations.

"𝐻𝑢𝑎𝑖𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦.....𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑. 𝐼𝑡'𝑠 𝑡𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙, 𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑠. 𝐵𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑛𝑜 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒."

Yu ZiYuan knew that Nie HuaiSang wasn't inherantly a bad person. Just a very, underestimated genius. Her mind just could not comprehend that he had done all that. Everything that Wei WuXian had told him....

"𝐻𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒."

"And why would I do that, Violet Spider?" He snapped his fan shut abruptly. He didn't seem quite too pleased in her presence.

"If you wish for me to leave just say so. You are the Sect Leader. You can tell me off if you want to."

"Well, I can't have the Violet Spider being disrespected, can I?"
"Why do you even know that?"
"Your son told me."

"...A-Cheng."

Ah. Right. It's not like HuaiSang had a bad relationship with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng just had a bad relationship with Wei WuXian. And...Nie HuaiSang had a bad relationship with the Lan sect.....

This was so complicated.

"What did he tell you?"
"Don't ask." He shut her off.
"You dislike me."

It wasn't a question. A statement. An answer.

"I do. I have never liked you. Not before. Not now."

Yu ZiYuan didn't seem to oppose the sentiment. She didn't exactly leave the best impression as a woman in her past life. Her eyes drifted to the Jasmine tea in her hands, gaze slightly withering.

A faint smile cracked her lips.

"I suppose that's valid."

Nie HuaiSang raised an eyebrow, "You suppose? It 𝗶𝘀 valid." His mouth finally loosened a bit.

The table sitting across the room that had separated them both was something Yu ZiYuan was greatful for. The peering opening backyard that they stared at while drinking tea was anything but relaxing.

However, Yu ZiYuan had something to accomplish.

"Do you know how I got here?"
"How am I supposed to know? Not every resurrection is done by me."

Curt. Distant. Cold. No nonsense.

Delicate as he may, he still was a Nie. He could be like Nie MingJue at times if he wanted to.

Yu ZiYuan looked at the purple clad robes on her lap and a humourless mirthed appeared in her gaze, "You're right. That was stupid of me to ask."

"Just cut to the chase."
"Your friends miss you."
"...................."

The silence stretched like a wire. Yu ZiYuan had finally dropped the bombshell. Now it was up to HuaiSang to process it.

"No. They don't." He denied, voice devoid of anything. At least, that's what he tried to make it sound like. The tremours were still heard. He swallowed.

Yu ZiYuan dazedly stared at the birds chirping at the olive branch.

"They do. A-Xian misses you. A-Cheng misses you."
"Do not lie to me."

Yu ZiYuan looked at him, smile never faltering, "I am not."

The leaves shake in the wind, ruffling Nie HuaiSang's open air. He doesn't know.

He doesn't know what he wants.

"I don't know if I can face them. They know too much. At least, Wei-Xiong does. He knows too much." His voice cracked at the end.

Half lidded eyes peered at the fan on his fan, "It's because he knows too much that he misses you."

Pinecones. Pinecones. Pinecones.

Nie HuaiSang hadn't realised that he was chanting it in his mind to calm himself down. If there was some form of guilt gnawing at his mind, he didn't let it show.

"Even if he does, the Lan sect will never let me in."
"I don't think so." Yu ZiYuan took another sip of the tea, seemingly unbothered. Nie HuaiSang's grip tightened on his fan, "Da-ge will never forgive me."

"Never is a very strong word, HuaiSang." Yu ZiYuan implored, knowing every bit of the validness of her words, "I thought I would never call Wei WuXian as 'A-Xian'. I thought I would never stop hating him-huh. Wow." 𝗦𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗼𝘆. 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁? "I never....well...never is a long word. A hard one. Don't rule out the possibilities, yet.

Again, silence descended them. This time, it was more reluctant to break, more peaceful. The next breaths came easier.

For both of them.

Yu ZiYuan put the cup down, "It won't hurt to give it a try."

'𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶.'

"If A-Xian can forgive me,"

'𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵.'

"I can't see why you can't be forgiven."
"Not everyone is a saint like Wei-Xiong is., Madam Yu."

The statement made Yu ZiYuan give a soft yet bitter chuckle. "That's true. But, as I said, it won't hurt to give it a try."
"And what if it does?"
"What of it? You have faced greater dangers."

The tinkers of bell chimes echoed in the wind. The room breathed in the sound in rhythms.

"Give it a try. It's not that hard. I am telling you."  Yu ZiYuan stood up, reattachting her straw hat on her head.

"Going already?" Nie HuaiSang, who earlier couldn't wait to get him off his shoulders, was now asking if she was going 'already'.

Some change of wind, she'd say. Another soft chuckle.

"That's new. You want me to stay?"
"Nevermind."

Yu ZiYuan opened the door with a small creak, letting him know she was leaving as he stared at the fallen leaves.

"It's not against the law to hope, HuaiSang."

The door shut. He closed his eyes. The tea in his cup had long since gone cold.

Like his heart.

He didn't know.

He didn't know if it was worth a try. Was it?

He wouldn't know.

𝘜𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥.

𝗡𝗼.

What are you contemplating?

Nie HuaiSang opened his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

'Da-ge.........'

Leaves from the vine follow. Follow the wanderer to their journey. Any way the wind blows.

_________________________________________

Note: Lilacs represent nostalgia.