BackWash (Editing & Completed)

Chapter 22: New Lease on Life

The next morning, I find myself up at four, strolling the shore lazily, deep in thought.

As a surfer, you can expect to find most of us up at dawn. The best waves happen to be crushing earlier in the morning. It's easier to shred them up. However, today the beach is quiet and the usual busy line-up is dead. It's just empty coast for miles up. The usual pumping sea has blistered down to a calm swell, the sun's rays slowly appearing above in time as the heavens open up above.

The green-blue mass of water ahead of me is oddly calm, a complete contrast to how I feel on the inside.

I had overreacted yesterday but what Chase had said in turn was inexcusable. My issues with him run deeper than most wounds. They say wounds heal with time, but do they really ever heal? Sure, they fade, but they never really go away. 

"Yo, Gabs!" I turn to see Caleb running up behind me, his surfboard beneath his arm. "There are no waves to shred today. The ocean is flat. So lame and--" He stops talking when he sees the distressed expression on my face. His own expression falters, falling into a concerned frown. "Why looking so glum?" He asks, changing the subject as his attention shifts to me. "The world's not that bleak, I promise." He cracks a small smile in hopes of making me laugh.

I shake my head, a small smile of my own gracing my lips. It's faint, but it's there. Caleb's love for life rubs off on me every now and again. His energy, enthusiasm, and passion are all contagious. "It seems pretty bleak right now," I confess, admitting to how I feel to someone for once. Caleb's a natural people person. He's approachable and easy to talk to. If I'm going to let on how I feel, it might as well be in front of the goofball before me. I can be vulnerable in front of him because he doesn't judge. He has a ginormous heart and he's always willing to help where he can.

He offers me a smile. "Look around, Gabriela..." he motions about to the glistening sea and clear skies above us, "it's a beautiful day," he states in a matter of fact way. "Grab it with both hands and embrace it. Nothing should weigh on you right now. You should--"

"Chase took me surfing yesterday," I interrupt, needing to get it off my chest.

"What?" Caleb sputters out in shock. I nod at him to confirm it. He recovers quickly, masking his shock with an excited smile. "That's great," he breathes out, speechless. He can't express how great he thinks it is. It's as if he can't find the right words. "I just...that's so damn great, Gabriela," he whispers in a lower octave. "I never thought..."

His words are there:

I never thought you'd surf again.

Catching the gist of what he means, I nod knowingly. "Yeah, me either."

"So?" Caleb asks with a raised eyebrow, intrigued for an answer.

I shake my head in sorrow. "I tried, Leb, I really did," I say, "but when I went under, it all came back," I tell him, referring to my past experience with Matt. After that, I let my guard down and give him the entire story of how things went down between Chase and me yesterday.

Caleb nods knowingly. "Gabriela..." The way he says my name manages to capture my full attention, "Matt is gone." He states with conviction, "You can't reel back like this every time the balls starts rolling. Backsliding is not healthy. From my perspective, Chase was just trying to help. He was out of line, but the point is, he was there." Caleb voices his opinion as he jumps over a mound of sand. I skip past the dune, choosing to walk around it. "You know..." Caleb starts when he notices my silence, "you used to be one of the best," he juts his head out in the direction of the sea, "but now you're no longer avid to be that same surfer again."

I shrug as I glance out to a rock pool in the distance, "Times changed me. Just as the tides change, so do I." I answer casually, taking into account what he said. "It's not about Matt anymore Caleb, it's about Chase and me. It's as if rekindling our friendship is just not possible. He's lost faith in me, whereas I lost faith in myself a long time ago. It just stung to hear him say that, to see that there's nothing worth regaining inside of me." I admit aloud, "My past is a past that seems dead set on staying intact and following me to the end of my days. Sometimes I just think it would be easier if..." I trail off, deciding not to reveal such a dark thought to someone as innocent as Caleb, "Forget it." I conclude instead, for his sake.