Lost in Neverland - Outlawqueen

8) Nightly Conversations

The other slept while Regina stared into the jungle. During the whole day she was distracted by the fighting lessons. But the dark thoughts reached her every night. The silence was killing her.
She wanted to kill Peter Pan. Wanted to rip his heart out of his chest and crush it. Everything inside her wanted to see him dead.
Henry was in Neverland for a while now. What if Pan already brainwashed him? What if they found him and he decided to stay here? What if he was hurt?
Regina looked down at her shaking hands. She was terrified like never before. Even though Henry was not her biological son, he was everything she had. Everything her miserable soul ached for. The only one who truly saved her. Who dispelled the darkness inside her and made her a better person. He believed in her when no one did.
A look on her right side showed her that a certain thief could not sleep as well. He stared at a little piece of paper but in the darkness Regina could not figure out what it exactly was.
Suddenly he looked up. His eyes made contact with hers.
"You can't sleep either?" he asked quietly.
The black-haired woman shook her head. Actually she wanted to give a pointed remark but she resisted. Maybe it was exhaustion or concern which made her contain herself.
A cold breeze touched her skin slightly. She could smell the jungle. Smelled the trees and the grasses. Neverland was so different than the Enchanted Forest and yet quite similar. But none of those places were her home. Storybrooke was her home. She lived such a long time in this town, became acquainted with the people who lived there.
"I can't lose him" the thief whispered. She knew he was talking about his son.
"You won't" she said rather trying to calm herself down than to encourage him. She wanted to convince herself by the fact that they would find Henry. "What was his name again?"
"Roland" he responded. He moved closer until their shoulders touched. The warmth of his body reached out its tentacles for her. A pleasant prickle dug its way through her veins.
He showed her the paper in his hands. It was a drawing of a little boy and a gorgeous woman who smiled at the viewer. Some dimples decorated the boy's smile. Big eyes, which were as dark as his curly hair, reminded her of the innocent look of a puppy.
A beatific smile flashed over her face. Robin Hood's son was just delightful.
"I'm sure he will be a female heart throb one day" she said.
The man laughed. "You think?"
"Of course" she answered while she gazed at the woman next to Roland. "Just look at him."
Her eyes, which looked exactly like his ones, were framed by long lashes.
"Is that your wife?"
"Yes. Well... She was" he sighed. Agony and sorrow, emotions she knew too well, were plainly visible in his face.
"I'm sorry" she murmured thinking of Daniel. The pain and grief of losing him was reflected in his countenance. His wife was dead, otherwise he would not react like that.
The thief shrugged his shoulders. "She died years ago. Roland was very young. He doesn't really remember her. Whereas I had to move on and get over her death."
"What happened to her?" she wanted to know. Her sudden interest in his past and thoughts confused her. Normally curiosity was not her nature. She did not really care about a lot of people. So, why the hell did she cared for him? He was just a thief. Just somebody she accidently met. Not even somebody who was worth meeting. He was no aristocrat, he was an outlaw.
"It's my fault" he replied. "I put her in danger. She died because of me..."
His eyes looked at her. Blue and brown hit each other.
"We were about to attack Nottingham", he continued.
"Wait, the sheriff?"
"Yes, the very one. Let's say we had some difficulties to take care of. I wanted her to stay at the camp, so that she could look out for our son. But Nottingham and his men expected us coming. Somehow he found out what we were planning and sent his minions to our camp. I was barely able to save Roland.
We fought and so many lost their lives. Not just Nottingham's men. Some of us too. Including Marian. When we arrived at the camp, she was already dead. They wanted to kill our son as well. So I shot and kill the offenses and lifted him up. I tried to protect him and therefore I wasn't able to take care of my Merry Men. As I said, some of them died. It's my fault. In this sense, I was the one who killed my wife and my friends."
"I'm sorry" she repeated. Before she knew what she was doing she grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "And I don't think this is your fault. You tried your best to save them."
"The Evil Queen has a heart after all" he commented bitterly. Nearly deprecatory.
His words were like a blade in her chest. As if she burned at his touch, she withdrew her hand.
"Yeah, unbelievable, right?" she hissed. The Evil Queen. That was how everybody saw her. Not as Regina. She had to lie if she suggested being innocent. She had harmed so many people. Too many to remember every single one. She knew that Robin Hood felt miserable about the memories he shared with her. She knew that maybe he did not wanted to hurt her. Nevertheless he did.
"I didn't mean it like that. My apologies" he answered. The night hampered seeing his whole facial features. Just his clear blue eyes shone out of the darkness. She was mesmerized by them. Felt the attraction he aroused. It was like a hurricane raged inside her. Made a mess of her thoughts and emotions.
"Of course not" she grumbled. People never meant it like that. But it did not change the fact that it grieved her. She tried so hard to be a better person, to be a hero.
"Please, tell me about Henry" the man requested.
Regina sighed. To tell the truth, she did not really want to talk about her son. It just saddened her. However he spoke about his son as well, so it would only be fair if she did him the favor.
"What do you want to know?"
"Why did you adopted him?"
She decided to narrate the short version of her story. Without these confusing background information about her heartless mother and her reasons to cast the spell on the citizens of Storybrooke.
"I would have thought that was patently obvious. I'm infertile. And I realized I wanted to have children some day. Though I didn't want to wait for an eternity. That's why I contacted an adoption agency."
"You can't have kids" he ascertained.
"Yes, that's quite the definition of being infertile" she grinned and he returned it.
For the first time since she met Robin Hood and his two friends, she did not want to kill him. Quite the opposite, she felt one connection between them. They were both parents who wanted to find their children. In addition they had both lost people they cared for. He had lost his wife, she had lost Daniel.
"But that's not all, isn't it?" he wanted to know.
"No, it isn't. But I'm afraid that it will take a little longer than just one night to explain it to you" she replied.
"I understand... Difficult past, huh?"
" Yes, my past is far from being easy and lovely. Not for nothing I became evil. It isn't born, it's made."
He fell quiet, fixing her. In his eyes Regina could see sympathy, appreciation and not the first hint of disgust.
A peculiar warmth filled her body. Was it affection? Did she begin to like the thief? Maybe. Maybe not. These feelings were new to her.
"What made you evil?"
"You ask quite a lot questions, thief."
"What can I say? You caught my interest, Milady."
"It's-"
"Your Majesty or Madame Major, I know" a chuckle came out of his throat. Obviously he really wanted to provoke her by not using the correct form of address. "May I get an answer?"
"You will" she promised. "But not tonight."
He put the drawing of his family back in the pocket of his jeans. "Come on. I'm dying to get to know."
Wait a minute! Jeans? Why had not she noticed yet? They knew each other since two days and she did not even thought about his appearance. Well, concerning his clothes. If he came from the Enchanted Forest, how was it possible that he wore a simple shirt and jeans?
"Where does that come from?" she asked, ignoring his attempt to convince her. She pulled on his shirt while a well-known suspiciousness grew inside her. Her inner walls, who were on the verge of collapsing, locked her heart away again.
"You mean the clothes?"
She nodded. "The last time I was in the Enchanted Forest, the people's clothes were quite different."
Sarcasm resonated in her voice.
He sighed.
"Promise me, you're not going to tell anybody" he almost begged her. His hands grabbed hers, squeezed them firmly. Skin on skin. Although it was more than inappropriate, her blood heated and a prickle permeated her whole body.
"Neal gave them to me."

So, I hope you liked the chapter.
Would you be interested in reading a chapter from Robin's point of view? I would keep the third person style but I would describe his feelings and thoughts. So, what do you think? :D