Lost in Neverland - Outlawqueen

13) Trust

The food tasted stale. Regina's blood was cold as ice.
Silence crept through the air. She was still exhausted from the hawk's attack and from healing Robin Hood. The process had sapped her energy. Her discovery about him being her soul mate broke her heart. She should be happy. Should see it as a second chance. But she could not. An old known fear embraced her. Fear of losing love again. Fear of falling into old habits.
Additionally she doubted that the thief would ever fall in love with a woman like her. She was far from being the good one. No matter how hard she tried to change, she would always be the Evil Queen. Fate would not show mercy. Not for her. Not anymore.
The girl with the pure heart and the dreams of love and happiness was gone. Vanished into thin air and gave way to a woman. A woman with a dark soul.
Regina stared into the fire and watched the play between yellow, orange and red flames.
Her life was a misery. Only Henry dragged her away from doing something stupid. His unshakable belief in her showed her that her happy ending would never be a man. Her bliss was feeling finally at home. Feeling that she was exactly where she needed to be. And her son gave her these emotions. He was everything she had. Everything she needed.
"Thinking of Henry again?" her supposed soul mate asked while he settled next to her.
She did not answer him. Since she found out who he really was she decided to keep more distance between them.
"I just wanted to thank you" he continued. "For saving my life today."
She nodded and forced herself to not look at him. If she did so, she would be captivated by his eyes again. These deep blue eyes which were able to let her heart beat way too fast against her chest.
The other group members were deep in conversation. This awkward silence had passed. Well, at least as for them. Regina felt a certain pain in her chest and a lump in her throat.
"Not exactly talkative, aren't you?" he asked.
She sighed and raised her eyes to him.
"What do you want?" she replied roughly.
"I just like your company" he said with a smile on his face which caused some wrinkles beside his eyes and his mouth.
"I'm not in the mood for a conversation" she grumbled. If he just knew how difficult it was for her to push him away. But it was necessary. She wanted to be alone. She was easier to handle that way. Therefore she was not able to hurt the people she liked.
The people you like? Not a long time ago, you hated this man! And now you like him? Don't fool yourself!
"Then we won't have one" Robin suggested. He certainly did not make it easy for her.
"Why don't you just go to your friends?"
"As I said: I like your company."
What did she need to say to keep him at distance? Regina needed to be alone right now. She did not want to see his face or his eyes. Not even one of his arrows. She wanted to distract herself until she was able to deal with the situation. Until she was able to deal with her messed up feelings.
"Just go away" she spat half-heartedly.
"I don't think you really want me to go. There's something that bothers you and I want to find out what it is" he answered. She could almost feel his gaze on her skin.
"You're not my psychologist" she grunted.
"Psychologist" he repeated and it seemed like he tried to figure out what this word was supposed to mean. "Whatever. Do you really think it's impossible that somebody wants to spend time with you?"
"That's not the point."
"Then tell me."
The point is I just found out that you're the man with the lion tattoo. That my soul mate is supposed to be a common thief. It scares the hell out of me to even think about falling in love again. I feel like betraying Daniel, although I'm not in love with you yet. The point is I'm done chasing my happy ending. I'm done searching for a man who will break my heart anyway. Because villains don't get happy endings.
But she did not say any of these words to him. She kept quiet.
Robin Hood sighed and dropped his gaze. "Why don't you trust me?"
"I do trust you" she objected without even knowing what she did. "Look, there are things which pertain to my past and I don't want to talk about any of them with another person. Not with Snow White, not with Emma and not with you."
He nodded. "I understand. Excuse my curiosity. I just care about you."
"You shouldn't."
"That's nonsense" he responded and gave her a warm smile.
"I'm the Evil Queen" she said.
"The woman I know is far from being evil." There was an honesty in his words that let her heart skip a beat. "Brave and glibly, but not evil."
She felt so comfortable with him that she almost forgot about her problems. About her past with Tinkerbell and about the tattoo. But not about Henry. Nothing was strong enough to distract her from saving her son. Not even her soul mate.
"Can I ask you something?" She looked at him and he returned her gaze.
"Of course."
"Do you believe in second chances?"
"Yes" he nodded. "I do. You got a second chance by showing that you can change and look at you. I got a second chance to set my life in order again."
"Are you talking about your wife?"
"Yes... When she died, I saw no reason to live anymore. I loved her incredibly and she died because of me. Every passing day I drowned in self-pity. But then I found a reason to go on. To get my shit together: My son."
"He needed you" she combined.
"He still does. He's a child. And we'll save him and Henry from Pan."
"You're quite confident about that."
"I have to be. Only the thought of losing Roland too drives me crazy."
She knew too well what he meant. If Regina thought about how Pan would hurt her son, her stomach turned. He was everything for her. The one she loved the most in this entire world.
She remembered how Robin had told her about the murder of his wife. She never told him about Daniel. On the one hand she did not want to share this story with him, but on the other hand she felt like was the only one who would truly understand her.
He's like me, she thought. Well, a little less evil, but like me.
"Do you remember how you asked me about how I became the Evil Queen?" she wanted to know.
He raised his eyebrows. Wanted her to continue.
"Many things happened. Too much to explain all of them to you. But let's start with the one thing that gave the impulse."
His hand reached out for hers. It was warm and his grasp was firm yet gentle. "You don't have to tell me. I already told you that I don't want to push you to -"
"Shut up, thief" she interrupted him with a smile and a quiet laugh escaped his throat.
"As you wish, Your Majesty."
"When I was young, I was madly in love with this boy. His name was Daniel. He worked for my parents in the stables. At first, I hid my feelings because my mother wouldn't appreciate that I fell in love with a common worker.  Maybe you heard about Cora."
"The Queen of Hearts" Robin replied. "I heard some rumors and I really don't want to meet her."
"You won't" the former queen answered. "She's dead. Anyway, she always wanted me to gain power and esteem. I told myself that Daniel wouldn't feel the same way I felt about him. But he did. On my seventeenth' birthday he told me he loved me. I guess, that was the point where we got together. We both knew that we had to keep our love secretly.
One day, the king visited our home and asked me to marry him. My mother accepted. She didn't know about Daniel and me. But when she found out..."
The memories crashed onto her. She felt tears burning in her eyes. She felt like this girl again. Felt the agony and the loss of her love. Felt her heart break a second time.
"She killed him" she continued.
Robin squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry."
"It's my fault" Regina hissed. "He's dead because of me. Because I loved him. And I wasn't able to go on. I was weak. I gave in to the darkness and let it consume me."
Robin let his thumb run over the back of her hand. "You made mistakes and now you're making up for them. As for Daniel, I think he would be very proud of you."
"Are you crazy?"
He laughed. "A little. I mean because you found the right path again. For being that strong woman you are now. When I look at you, I don't see a girl who needs to carry her burden. I see a grown up, intelligent woman, who's able to deal with every kind of situation."
His words were balsam for her maltreated heart. He was a good man and he always found the right words to cheer her up. Although she could not risk a relationship with him yet, she believed that they became friends during the last few days. And that was exactly what she needed. A friend.

Okay, it took so long until I found time to write this chapter and I'm sorry about that. I hope you liked it and if you have any suggestions for improvement, just tell me :D

-Regal Mills