Fighting the Waves (On Hold)

Fighting the Waves ~ Chapter 13

Six Months Later

I pulled into the gravel parking lot, thinking about how I’ve always loved the sound of driving over gravel; except now. I was scared. I stopped the car after a choosing a space and sat there, frozen. I breathed in my nose and out my mouth trying to calm myself down and work up some courage. After about five minutes of combating my my cowardice, I finally forced myself to open the door and get out of the car. After taking a few steps away, I cursed remembering I’d left something in my car. I hurried back and carefully picked up the bouquet of flowers laying in the passenger’s seat.

I slowly walked through the field of grass, stone and flower toward my destination, noticing the hot sun on my neck and cool breeze on my face. When I finally reached what I was looking for, I sat down crisscross-applesauce laying the flowers in front of me.

“Hey, Mom” I said slowly, wishing she could hear me – wishing I didn’t have to be sitting in front a grave stone to talk to her.

“It’s almost June now. I know that you always loved the whether at the end of May. It’s beautiful today; your absolute favorite kind of day. You probably would’ve insisted that we have a picnic or something…” I trailed off, trying to think of where to begin.

“I miss you, Mommy; so, so much. I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I came to see you, but I was scared. Actually, I did come a few times. I would sit over there in that gravel parking lot and try to think of what to say to you, but I would never be able to work up the courage to actually get out of the car… I was scared because… I need your advice. I need you to talk to – you to tell me what to do. And that scared me because you can’t. You’re always the one I went to when ever I needed help. You always had the answers. But you can’t give me the answers anymore, and that scared – still scares – the hell out of me.” I paused for a moment, feeling my eyes begin to sting.

“But… that’s no excuse for not coming to see you for nearly seven months. I feel terrible.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I stopped, wondering if I could do this; if I could talk to her like I always did, but without her helping me through it. I took a deep breath, deciding that I had to. She deserved that much.

“A few days after I came the last time, I was surfing. That beach reminds me so much of the one where… Well, it’s not a good reminder, but it’s still my favorite beach. It has these rocks that are a lot like the ones at that beach. Anyway, I was sitting on my board thinking about you. Thinking about that picnic you took Dana and me on just before… Well, when I looked up I saw something by the rocks. I was so scared, Mommy. It was so much like that day; there was a lot of blood in the water. When I swam over, I found a guy in the water. I thought he might be dead. His head was bleeding so badly, and he was unconscious. I brought him to the beach and he wasn’t breathing. I swear Mom, there’s only one time I’ve ever been more scared than I was then. The group came over to help. You remember them, right? They miss you too, especially Val. I mean you were practically her second mother… Parker saved the guy, because he’s the best at CPR. I helped, I guess, but I think it was all him.” They all still call me a hero, for saving Cole, but really, in my opinion, it was Parker who really saved him. All I did was find him.

“Anyway, when he woke up he was a complete jerk. I took him to the hospital though. His name is Cole, by the way. When I asked him what happened he told me he had been running from a dog and fell off the cliff. Can you believe that? Anyways, I ended up having to drive him home, but because he wasn’t sure how to get to his aunt and uncle’s house and because neither of us had working phones, I ended up bringing him home to stay at our house for the night. And, well we’ve been friends ever since.” I smiled, thinking about some of the good times we’ve had, but then I frowned thinking about the not-so-good times.