Fighting the Waves (On Hold)

Fighting the Waves ~ Chapter 17

I fought as I ran. My eyes stung and tears threatened to spill just like the rain from the dark clouds overhead were bound to soon let loose, but they didn't fall. I wouldn't let them. 

My feet pounded through the sand, wet from its brushes with the waves, my legs burning from the effort of resisting the earth. Strong winds whipped my hair around my head, occasionally obstructing my vision. I had lost my shoes a while back, but it didn't stopped me. I kept running. My lungs screamed at me to stop, my breathing laborious, but I didn't. I couldn't.My head told me to stop, that I couldn't go on like this much longer. My heart, on the other hand, my confused and tormented heart wanted nothing more than to keep running and never look back. It was scared of letting go of the walls that barricaded it since the last time it broke. 

When my body could not take running anymore, my legs crumpled beneath me. I collapsed into the sand, the waves rolling on to the shore soaking my capris. I hardly even noticed. I pulled my legs to my chest, collapsing my head in my arms in attempt to get my breathing under control. I sat like that for several minutes, unmoving, unfeeling. 

I felt water coming from a direction that wasn't the ocean.  

I looked up to see rain begin to pour from the charcoal-gray clouds. I nearly laughed. Perfect, right? Just exactly what I needed to complete my melt-down. I looked down from the sky and out over the dark sea. The image was a blend of colors. The dark teal ocean met at the horizon with mixtures of the turquoise and gray sky and nearly black clouds, as a blanket of rain pelted the sea. The water was getting really choppy and the tide rose a bit causing me to scoot back a tad from the salty ocean. Staring at the tempestuous ocean, I felt déjà vu. Suddenly I was on another beach, panic rising my chest, fighting to stay strong and optimistic for my little sister, but desperately scanning the water for any trace of my mother. 

The tears that I'd been fighting since I left Cole standing by the pool calling after me finally began to descend, mingling with the rain down my cheeks. A vigorous gust of wind caused me to shiver, clutching at the leather jacket covering my arms. My heart skipped a beat and I froze, just now realizing that I was still wearing Cole's jacket. 

My heart then ached. Where the jacket was touching, it felt as though it burned my skin. Immediately, I began frantically tugging it off of me. Roughly, I threw it from me, making it land a foot or so to my right. Seconds after it landed, a wave rolled up the shore capturing the jacket its strong grasp. I stared imperturbably as it carried the material up the shore. When the water began yanking it back down the beach, I watched for a split-second before lunging at it.  

Splashing into the salt water, I captured the jacket in my grasp. By this point, I was soaked to the core. I pulled the leather jacket back, moving backwards a foot or two up the shore. I clutched the jacket into my hands my nails digging slightly into it, clinging to it as if for dear life. My tears began to fall even more rapidly, soft sobs raking my chest. My body trembled, but no longer because if the cold - my skin was now numb. 

Watching the ocean attempt to take Cole's jacket from me had been like watching it try to take him from me. I threw the jacket away, much like I had done to Cole not so long before. Yet, still, watching the jacket float away made me realize that I couldn't let him go - no matter how hard I might try; I needed him. My world had somehow shifted right under my nose, and Cole had become both my rock and my sun, giving me a support to lean on and an incandescent light that brightened my life each and every day. 

Without warning, that very same rock sat down beside me. Because of the crashing waves, pounding rain, and roaring thunder, I hadn't heard him come up behind me. I turned my head away from him, knowing I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye.