My Understandings [ON HOLD/EDITING]

My Understandings: Part 24

-Alan's P.O.V.-

I turn down the radio as I turn in to the cemetery. I hnven't been here in over 6 months but.. it's just one of those times. I park on the edge of the road that runs through the cemetery and get out of my car. Coming here was hard for me sometimes but sometimes, it's a relief. I feel like he's still here, and he stays here because he knows I need him. I walk over to the lonely tomb stone and sit in front of it.

"Hey Zach..." I mumble. God, I haven't done this in so long I almost feel stupid doing it. I'm talking to a fucking tomb stone. I sigh and shake my bad thoughts and focus on the grave.

"I'm sorry it's been so long." A breeze rolls by and I shiver. I lean down and put my face into my hands.

"I feel so stupid doing this." I mumble to myself. "I guess I'm just having a hard time right now. I still miss you, a lot." Zach died on a Saturday morning in May, a day I'll always remember. I look up at the tomb stone.

Zach Brewer

November 25, 1994 - May 5, 2005

Loving friend, brother, and son.

Looking at this tomb stone always shook me to the bone. I never really believed in my mind that he was gone. Even at the funeral I expected him to run and throw a water balloon at me from behind a tree, something Zach would do.

But he never did.

"I miss you buddy. I still can't believe you're gone... I'm kind of just waiting for the day where you run into my house and jump on my bed to wake me up like you used to." It's getting easier to talk to "him".

"I remember when you did that, I grabbed your legs and you fell and got a concussion." I laugh to myself, those were the days. Those were the best days of my life but I can never have them back.

"I also remember the morning you died. You told me I could have all of your video games and baseball cards... I still have them in a box in my room. I always look at them." A tear starts to brim in my eyes but I blink it away and look to the ground and pick at the grass.

 I lay down next to the tombstone and let various memories run through my head..

...

"Dude! You gotta slick your hair back! My dad says chicks totally dig it." I say as Zach continues to play Medal Of Honor. He looks over at me trying to fix my hair in the mirror. He laughs and drops his controller.

"Then your dad is wrong!" He says with a smile. I turn to him.

"Is not!" 

"Is to!" 

"Dude!" I shout. Zach throws me a controller and plops back down on the couch.

"I bet that chicks totally dig when guys play video games! Come on! I can't get through this mission without your help! You're the only person I know who can shoot down that chopper!" I laugh and plop down next to him on the couch.

This is how we spent most of our days, talking about how to get girls, play video games, and occasionally go to the skate park. He's my best friend and always will be, I can see us growing up together and getting jobs together and everything.

"OH! Did you see that!? I totally owned that guy!" shouts Zach as he throws his arms up in the air. I laugh and high five him when all of the sudden his mom calls us.

"Zach! Alan! It's time for Zach's doctor appointment!" I look over to Zach as his face turns to worry.

"Don't you get tested for that... uh... what is it?" I ask snapping my fingers trying to remember. I set down my controller and grab my sweatshirt off the couch.

"Cancer. And I already got tested I just get the results back now." He says. I can tell that he's scared but I mean, it's Zach. Nothing can happen to Zach, he's the coolest kid I know. I try to reassure him.

"Dude, you're Zach!" I shout. He looks up and smiles at me as we walk upstairs. "Nothing can hurt you! You're invincible!" I shout. We laugh and bound up the stairs, racing to the car as we always do.

...

"Ugh, when is this gonna be over? We gotta play Medal Of Honor tonight." I whine. Zach's mom shoots me a look and I sit back into my chair. This is ridiculous, it shouldn't take this long. I look over to Zach who is looking at the ground with sad eyes.

There's no way that he has cancer. I mean nothing that bad will ever happen in my life. My life is so great, me and Zach are gonna take over the world! 

The door swings open and the doctor waves us into his office. I whisper over to Zach.

"Can't believe it took so long to find out you don't have it." I say with a nudge and a smile. He smiles back.

"Yeah..." He mumbles. His smile quickly fades and my heart starts beating faster. What if he does have cancer? No way! Noooo way! That's impossible! 

The doctor rambles on for a good 10 minutes about the test results. I pay no attention due to the fact all I can think about is how Zach doesn't have cancer. This is pointless, I don't see why he's wasting our precious gaming time. I look back up.

"Now... it seems it's too late to do anything about it. It's.... It's terminal. It has spread to the rest of the body. The tumor in his bone is malignant." Zach's mom starts to cry. What's going on, Zach looks to the floor and over to me with worry and sorrow in his eyes. Wait, what does terminal mean? It spread? What did? Certainly not cancer. No way. 

The room lays silent for a while when I finally jump out of my seat.

"So wait? What does that mean? Is Zach going to die?" I ask. The doctor looks down to me with sadness in his eyes and I feel sick. No.

"Let me put it this way. Zach here, has a cancer that effects his bones." I cut him off.

"Answer my question! Is Zach going to die!?' I yell. No. No this can't be happening! The doctor takes a big sigh and looks back down to me. I'm shaking and I can hear Zach start to cry. I can't believe this, this isn't supposed to happen to me. Zach and I were supposed to be best friends forever.

"Yes..."

....

I wake up from the dream, I can't tell if it's a nightmare or not. It starts off great, if I could replay the beginning over and over for the rest of my life I would do it in a heartbeat. I look around and see that the sun is high and that I've been here for almost an hour. I sigh and  face the tomb stone again. I rest my head on it.

"I miss you so much Zach." I mumble as I let a tear fall. I never got over Zach dying, I never accepted it to be true, like it was all a dream. But it's not a dream, it's a living nightmare.

"I came here today because, I got in a fight with this girl. This girl is-" I hear footsteps beind me and I instantly know Edith went to Austin for help. Of course. I should have never told Austin that I come here. Thank god it's far away so I could stay here for awhile.

"Guys... go away. I don't want to talk." I say. I hear the footsteps approach and I sigh. Don't they know that I don't want to talk to either of them.

"Guys. Go awa-" An arm is wrapped around my body and I'm lifted off the ground. A hand is placed over my mouth and I turn to see a fist collide with my face. Everything is blurry but I see a faint outline of a truck. I'm thrown in the back and I see two others, laying there lifelessly.

No no no no.

I turn to see a man and he looks up to me. "Go to sleep!" He shouts and he punches me once more. Everything fades to black as I hear the car start.