My Understandings [ON HOLD/EDITING]

My Understandings: Part 9

My eyes shoot open and I stare at a ceiling that's not mine and begin to remember what happened yesterday. It all comes back to me very slowly. Austin and I at the cliff, the fire at my house, my dad being lit on fire, sleeping at Alan's house.... My mom. I quickly pull the picture out of my pocket and just look at it. Just think of how happy she was with me at that point in time. I wish I could go back, or at least remember. I do something that I never though I'd do when thinking about my mom. I smiled. I smiled because I know now that she really did care about me, and that my dad is a fucking liar. It feels good to know she loved me, it feels so great. I hear Alan groan next to me and I see him rub his eyes. He looks over to me and gasps and puts a hand on his chest while breathing heavy.

"Holy fuck you scared the shit out of me! I forgot you were here." He whisper yells. I laugh a little and direct my attention back to the picture. I hear Alan sigh as he looks at it too, I can't tell if he's happy or sad. We both just keep looking at it, I wish I knew what Alan thought about this.

"I wish I could remember this..." I mumble sadly. Alan scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around me like the big brother he is. He's always trying to protect me from the world, and that means a lot to me. He's like the loving, caring sibling I never had.

"I wish you could too but... There's nothing I can do..." He says. He leans his head on mine and begins to rub my arm. "She looks just like you, she's beautiful. I wish I could have met her. I bet she was the greatest." He says. I flip over the picture and stare at her hand writing, and what she promised me.

"Do you think she'll come back? Like she said she would?" I ask, my voice is shaking. Alan backs away and looks me in the eyes.

"I'm sure she wouldn't lie to you. She'll be back, whether it's now or in 10 years... I know she'll be back to see what a great girl you've become." Alan smiles at me and I return one to him. I love having a best friend like Alan. He always knows exactly what to say to me to make me feel like everything is going to be ok. I rest my head onto the pillow and let out a sigh.

"So... we should go to the hospital today. So I can see my dad." I look over to Alan and he nods. 

"We can go whenever. You just gotta wake up Austin."  He says starting to get out of his bed. He heads to the door and down the hall to his bathroom. I sit up and stretch over then look over at Austin. He's sprawled out of his stomach, his legs stretching over the end of the bed. He's lightly snoring and looks so comfy... Time to ruin it. I start to shake him and get close to his ear.

"Austin. Austin wake up!" I shout. Austin's eyes shoot open and his head shoots up, smacking into mine. We both grunt and lean back in pain, me holding my jaw and Austin rubbing his forehead. That was not what I expected, or wanted to happen.

"Sorry..." We both mumble. Austin continues to rub his forehead then looks up at me and gasps.

"Oh god I'm sorry Edith. Does it hurt bad?" He lightly holds my jaw in one hand and looks at me. I let go of my jaw and look up at him and smile. He looks very sincere.

"No... I'm fine." I laugh. Austin gives a sigh of relief and laughs a bit but keeps his hand on my face. My heart starts beating faster like it always does when Austin does things like this. I look down and starts to fake laugh again. "Yeah it doesn't hurt." I look back up at Austin and he blinks a few times then puts his hand back down. He clears his throat.

"Good. I didn't wanna hurt you." We both laugh a little and hear Alan walking into the room while brushing his teethe. We turn to him and start to get out of bed. He gives us a confused look and starts opening his desk drawers in search of something. He rummages around in each drawer looking very determined.